


Overtures

by shandyall



Series: The Symphony Verse [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 21:24:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 68,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shandyall/pseuds/shandyall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of online flirtation, Kurt and Blaine have finally managed to get together in “real life.” But will Blaine’s lingering insecurities and Kurt’s plans to study abroad jeopardize their relationship before it even has a chance to begin? Sequel to Interludes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sept 5  
@ 10:17 pm  
Kurt: My dad’s flight got delayed  
Kurt: what is about airport baggage claim that makes me feel philosophical?

10:23 pm  
Blaine: The way everything feels so... transitional. That it’s where people go to come and go.  
Blaine: but it’s more than that too. It’s not necessarily that simple

10:24 pm  
Kurt: It is and isn’t that simple  
Kurt: Simple can be beautiful

10:36 pm  
Blaine: Thank you for tonight  
Blaine: It was nice to just talk  
Blaine: or write really  
Blaine: Oh God, I’m so embarrassed

10:38 pm  
Kurt: Don’t be  
Kurt: I had fun.

10:39 pm  
Blaine: Me too. It’s not always easy for me to just  
Blaine: I don’t know where that sentence was going

10:42 pm  
Kurt: You’ll get better at it. We’ll get better at it.  
Kurt: This. Whatever it is.  
Kurt: My dad should be here in a second.  
Kurt: I’ll talk to you soon, ok?

10:43 pm  
Blaine: Yes. Soon. Have fun with your dad. :)

10:45 pm  
Kurt: Thanks.

~~~~~

To: mishanderson@gmail.com  
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
Date: Wed, Sept 3, 4:17 pm  
Subject: Question

Hi Mom-

I’ve been thinking lately that maybe it’s time for me to go back to speech therapy. It’s something that I’ve been sort of wanting to do and I talked to Paula about it a little this summer and she thinks maybe I’m ready for concentrated therapy again, for something more rigorous than she (or another therapist like her) can offer. I know I haven’t gone in years, but do you think I could?

I don’t know if you noticed (you probably did) but I’ve been craning and jerking my neck a lot when I block lately and I think therapy will help that at least.

Love you-  
Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
From: mishanderson@gmail.com  
Date: Fri, Sept 5, 5:58pm  
Subject: Re: Question

Hey Bud,

I’m surprised that you want to go back to speech therapy, but I can’t say that I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think it’s a fantastic idea, really. Not because you’re doing a bad job on your own, but because when you were in regular speech therapy you were always improving. I have noticed that you’ve been rolling your neck more when you block and I do think that this could be helped. I agree with you on those counts for sure. I’m just impressed that you’re brave enough to ask for help, Blaine.

I’m sorry it took a few days to get back to you, I wanted to research a bit before I answered. You’ll find a short list attached of speech pathologists in your area. I talked to Paula about it too, and she agreed that these should work. I also contacted our insurance and these SLPs are all covered.

There is another option. I understand if you’re not interested. But NYU has a speech pathology program and they take people into their clinics. You would be helping people learn to become speech pathologists just by asking for help. I know that interacting like that with peers might make you extremely uncomfortable though, so don’t feel like you have to. Just an option that I thought I’d put out there for you.

I’d love to know where this change of heart came from. I must admit, I’ve wanted to suggest going back to speech therapy to you. I really didn’t want you to feel pressured about it and I know that now that you’re an adult, you need to come to these decisions on your own.

Miss you bud! I love you!  
Mom

PS Dad says hi. :)

~~~~~

To: mishanderson@gmail.com  
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
Date: Fri, Sept 5, 11:17 pm  
Subject: Re: Question

Hola Mamacita :)

My change of heart comes from the fact that I just really want to try. I want to try again. I think this time I have more that I want in my life and well, I want to be able to talk to people. And not feel so nervous about my voice betraying me. I want to be ok. Not great, not perfect, but ok.

I want to make more friends. I want to not be scared. I want to be a teacher and I want people to listen to me. (I can’t believe I’m about to say this to my mom, but.) Someday I want to have a boyfriend and I don’t think I can do that right now when I can’t really talk. (So embarrassing.) Maybe even just going back to speech therapy will make me more confident. The idea of trying, even just looking into it, makes me feel like I have more control.

And quite frankly, my neck is sore a lot because of that damn twitch.

If you don’t mind, I don’t want to go to the NYU program. I think it’ll be hard enough without potentially running into someone I know or feeling like … I don’t know. I don’t know why I don’t want to do that, but it makes me nervous. I don’t have a good excuse.

But I’ll look at the list and call (UGGGGHHHH. I hate the phone.) one of them. But I guess speech pathologist’s receptionists are used to getting phone calls from people who aren’t good at talking. Intriguing.

Love you, miss you, hi back to Dad, yada, yada, yada.

Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
From: mishanderson@gmail.com  
Date: Sat, Sept 6, 9:32 am  
Subject: Re: Question

Oh, Blaine.

I think you need to strive to be more than just ok. Please strive for more than just ok? I think you can be good, great, wonderful, amazing, perfect. I think you’re all of that already, but I know you won’t believe it coming from me. And I don’t think any of it should just be connected to your speech.

Let me know if there’s anything else I can do. But I think you need to make this phone call for yourself. You can do it! Like you said, any speech pathology office is used to people who don’t have perfect speech.

And would you get in touch with your brother? Every time I talk to him, he’s mopey because you haven’t spoken to him since before Labor Day. I told him to text you, but he claims he doesn’t want to “interrupt.” I put quotes around that word because he’s used it at least a dozen times in the past week. I don’t even want to know, but send him smoke signals or a flare, or a simple email.

Love- Mom

~~~~~

To: cooper.anderson@gmail.com  
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 12:57 pm  
Subject: sup?

Our mother just nagged me on your behalf. Is there something I can help you with?  
Blaine

~~~~~

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
From: cooper.anderson@gmail.com  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 3:44pm  
Subject: Re: sup?

So lovely to hear from you! It has been far too long since we corresponded, particularly when I consider that last we spoke you were considering meeting a man that you had previously only been acquainted with on the internet. And then YOU FAILED TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

What.   
The.  
Hell.

And I think the real question is “Is there something *I* can help *you* with????”

Cooper

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 4:18 pm  
Subject: Re: sup?

Oh that. yes. Well, it’s all very complicated and like I don’t actually know how to tell it. But I randomly, accidentally met him last Wednesday. And then I asked him to meet me at open mic night on Friday and I sang him a song. Which he seemed to like. He asked me if I wanted to go “talk and eat” after that and I said yes.

When we got the diner though, I actually couldn’t TALK. People say stuff like “I was speechless!” or “It was so overwhelming I couldn’t talk!” and they’re exaggerating? I’m not. My mouth wouldn’t move. Like physically.

He said he had fun and that he wants to hang out again, but he probably just feels bad for me. I’m probably just going to have to move to Siberia and hope he can never find me. That’s how humiliating this was. He was really nice to me about my speech and he was patient, but it might have just been an act. I don’t know! I don’t know how to do this!

Luckily his dad is visiting for the weekend, so he didn’t try to make plans with me. Maybe he’ll forget about me and then everything will just go back to normal and I won’t have to move to Siberia. I’ll just have to avoid Kurt Hummel for the rest of my life.

The whole thing was just really embarrassing and I didn’t really want to tell you about it. 

I’m not entirely sure that I’m help-able.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 5:03 pm  
Subject: Re: sup?

Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. BLAINE.

Seriously with this bullshit, Blaine?

Don’t agonize like that. You guys have built a friendship over the summer, if nothing else. Maybe he didn’t know about your speech, but it’s not all there is to you. How many times do I have to say it before you’ll get through your thick skull? You’re more than just the way you talk.

Now, do something about this guy. Give him the chance to get to know in real life. Try to let him in a little, any way you can, ok?

Stop being an ass.

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 5:48pm  
Subject: Re: sup

Fine. I won’t be an ass. Matt told me to stop being an assclown, which is pretty much the same thing, so I guess I should take a hint.

I’ll try, alright Coop? 

I promise to try.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper  
Date: Sun, Sept 7, 6:38 pm  
Subject: Stop being an ass.

Got it?

Good.

Next time, tell me when good stuff is happening in your life. Or when bad stuff is happening. Don’t leave me hanging man.

Stop being a ass. (It seems worth reiterating.)

~~~~~

To: Cooper, From: Blaine  
Date: Mon, Sept 8, 11:11 am  
Subject: How’s this for trying?

I just got off the phone (YES THE PHONE) with my new speech therapist’s office. I have an assessment tomorrow morning and then I’ll have my first appointment on Friday at noon.

How about THEM apples???

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Cooper  
Date: Mon, Sept 8, 2:17 pm  
Subject: Re: How’s this for trying?

I am highly impressed with those apples, Blaine. Highly impressed.

Good for you.

~~~~~

Sept 8  
@ 9:52 pm  
Kurt: Hello  
Blaine: Hello  
Kurt: How are you?  
Blaine: I am fine thank you. How are you?  
Kurt: Are you being weird?  
Blaine: Maybe?  
Kurt: Is there a reason you’re being weird?  
Blaine: I think it’s because you’re being weird.  
and sort of formal  
uncharacteristically formal  
Kurt: ah. I see what you’re saying.  
Blaine: good, good  
Kurt: yes, very  
how do we end this?  
Blaine: I could tell you about my new job working at after school daycare at the elementary school.  
a kid peed on the floor today  
there’s nothing formal about that kind of story  
Kurt: How is it that you end up with all the chronic urinators?  
there really is a certain unformalness regarding that one  
unformalness is apparently not a word  
what’s a good word that kind of means unformalness?  
I mean, I know there’s informality but there should be a better one.  
Blaine: ummm  
wracking my brain, hold on  
Kurt: taking too long Blaine  
unacceptable  
you’re supposed to know ALL OF THE WORDS  
Blaine: I know  
and I do know one for this  
something along the lines of nonchalance  
but there’s a better one  
Kurt: insouciant?  
Blaine: AGH  
That’s like my favorite word ever!  
or at least in the top 5  
and you just totally pulled it out of nowhere!  
Kurt: well then  
Blaine: seriously, I love that word  
though I’m realizing that it’s not the word I’m looking for  
(picture me saying that along with the Obi Wan hand gesture, ok?)  
Kurt: picture emblazoned on brain. Can’t. stop. laughing.  
(mostly because I’m envisioning you wearing that burlap robe/hood thing)  
Blaine: unformalness = unaffectedness?  
are we ok with that?  
Kurt: yeah, I think I can speak for both of us when I say we are  
Blaine: excellent, moving on  
Do you have any favorite words?  
to make me feel less insane for getting so excited about you mentioning one of mine  
Kurt: hmmmm  
sycophantic  
haberdashery  
ebullient  
vehemence  
and I have a new one from this summer… you might be familiar with it  
ineffable  
Blaine: aw, blushing font  
Kurt: so what else is in your top 5?  
Blaine: well, aside from insouciant  
ennui  
antediluvian  
man, haberdashery is awfully good, that might just have unseated ubiquitous  
and then I’d have to say winsome  
not to be outdone by you or whatever  
Kurt: Yes, because this IS a competition  
Blaine: I agree  
I’m just glad you see it my way  
I wanted to say thank you  
again  
for like the hundredth time  
for the other night  
Kurt: so I’ll say you’re welcome  
every single time  
but it was really nothing  
Blaine: Kurt  
it meant so much to me  
It *means* so much to me  
I almost don’t know how to explain this  
people aren’t always patient with me  
when I’m like that  
and  
that’s not pity party talk  
that’s just… my life  
my reality  
Kurt: I’m sorry Blaine  
I’m sorry people aren’t always patient  
Blaine: it’s ok  
I heard it’s not your fault  
that the whole world isn’t as cool and as patient as you are  
but it really does mean a lot to me  
And the fact that you took out that notebook and you made me feel better  
less awkward, less nervous  
you’re so smart  
Kurt: it was logical  
it was just a logical move  
I wanted to talk to you and, more importantly, I wanted *you* to talk to me  
and that was the best way to do it  
Blaine: I don’t know how I’m ever going to make you understand though  
that it wasn’t just some little thing  
it’s like everything I could have hoped for in that moment  
in any moment where I’m stuck  
blocked  
and feeling like people won’t listen  
or don’t want to listen  
Kurt: I thought you said you weren’t worried about that  
about me judging you or not listening  
Blaine: Kurt  
it’s always at the back of my mind  
It’s not about you specifically  
It’s just a fear that lurks  
Kurt: I think I get that  
I’ll always listen Blaine  
Blaine: I’m starting to believe that  
Kurt: good, cause it’s the truth  
Blaine: Did you have fun with your dad this weekend?  
Kurt: Yeah, I did. I don’t get to see him nearly enough.  
Blaine: that’s good  
that you guys are close  
alright, the library’s closing  
I’m starting to get dirty looks for lingering  
Kurt: you’re at the library?  
I’m sorry I interrupted  
Blaine: no big deal  
I wasn’t getting a ton done anyway  
Kurt: I’ll talk to you soon?  
Blaine: yes, soon, please  
Kurt: bye blaine  
Blaine: bye kurt

~~~~~

A Moment of Kurt & Rachel

“I don’t know what what to doooooo!” Kurt’s anguished voice comes from the living room, where moments ago he had been furiously typing on his laptop.

Rachel wanders out of the kitchen and perches next to him on the couch. “I’m guessing this is about the boy?”

“Yes, of course it’s about the boy,” Kurt sighs.

“Ask him out. Duh,” Rachel says with an eye roll.

“I know. Duh,” Kurt rolls his eyes back at her. “But he’s just so shy and I don’t want to make him nervous or scare him or just be too much. He’s... skittish.”

“So, draw him out of his shell. Be, like, The Boy Whisperer.”

“He does have a name,” Kurt says with pursed lips.

“Fine. Be The Blaine Whisperer. You learned a lot about him online, while his guard was down. Now use it to your advantage.”

Kurt leans back on the couch and plays with the ends of his hair absentmindedly. “Tell me more about this. It might just be the least crazy idea you’ve ever had.”

Rachel puts a finger to her lips in thought. She stands up from the couch and starts pacing. “Well, obviously he likes you, but he’s going to have a hard time showing it. He probably isn’t suited to make any more overtures, not after the letter and the song. He’s probably tapped out. So, why don’t you just quietly work your way into his life?”

“You’re right about the overtures,” Kurt says thoughtfully. “I can’t imagine he has anymore in him at this point.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing all summer, text and im and email and then every once in awhile, pop up in real life. You know he’ll be in the English building Wednesday after your early class, or you know he’ll be around at open mic night sometimes. And then just slowly … woo him.”

“You’re right, he’s totally woo-able. Good work Rachel. This is why I keep you around.” With that he drops a kiss on her temple and wanders out the room.

And Rachel takes a moment to (literally) pat herself on the back.

~~~~~

September 10th  
@12:10 pm  
Kurt: Any chance you’re going to be swinging by the English building soon?  
Kurt: I heard there’s a lonely piano in the basement.

12:11 pm  
Blaine: I’m actually there right now  
Blaine: Keeping said lonely piano company  
Blaine: Quietly hoping that someone I know might spring into the room at any second and surprise me.

12:14 pm  
Kurt: You were waiting for D.Marshall?

12:15 pm  
Blaine: Well yes. Either her or you.  
Blaine: Let’s be honest. Preferably her.

12:16 pm  
Kurt: Hi. :)

12:17 pm  
Blaine: HI. :D

12:18 pm  
Kurt: You really are making that face right now.

“We, we, we, uh don’t have to ttttttext,” Blaine laughs.

“I wasn’t sure. I figured it could be fun either way.”

“I, I can tah-talk. And like... all of our conversations dah-dah-don’t have to bah-bab-bah-bbbe about me tah-tah-tah-talking or not.”

“No? I thought you loved to talk about talking. I mean, you seem like you’re just constantly dying to discuss various facets of speech. The how, the why, the wherefore and furthermore of speaking.”

Blaine side eyes Kurt, but smiles broadly.

“Yeah. So. Hi,” Kurt concludes after his babbling.

“Hi,” Blaine suddenly feels (even more) shy and very aware of the fact that they’re alone in a place where last week he had the most mortifying, terrifying and oddly exhilarating moment of his life.

“Were you planning on playing the lonely piano or were you just going to stand around and text message people from this room?”

“I wwwwwas playing until you tt-tah-texted.”

Kurt sits on the bench and plays a short, though rousing, rendition of Chopsticks.

“Do-do you play?” Blaine asks.

“Oh, no. Just chopsticks and the very beginning of Tequila for some reason. I’d love to learn though. I always meant to take lessons, but it just never happened.”

“I. I. I-I I...” Blaine so desperately wants to get this thought out of his mouth and of course it’s just stuck. But Kurt waits patiently, maintaining eye contact, with a passive look on his face. Nothing uncomfortable in his eyes or demeanor. Blaine closes his eyes, sucks in his breath and blows out slowly. “I could tee-teach you.” Where was that sentence a minute ago?

“Would you want to? I kind of suck at this stuff. I’m a hunt and peck typist, so I can’t even imagine playing the piano.” Kurt pauses here and then looks at Blaine and smiles.

“You’d have to be patient with me,” Kurt says, almost... shyly.

“I-I-I think I could do that.” Blaine grins. “It would … bbbbe mah-my p-p-pleasure.”

At that, Kurt slides over to make room and lightly pats the bench. Blaines sits gingerly next to him, all too aware of the fact that this is Kurt. Kurt smells really good. What happens after that is a lot of giggling and elbow bumping and hips that move closer and closer until there’s not even a breath of space between them.

Something in Blaine takes over. He thinks it’s probably the part of him that longs to be an educator. He finds some confidence in that little room in the basement of the English building, telling Kurt this and that, instructing him how to place his fingers and talking about middle C. He stutters some, but has only one big block at the beginning. After that, things are ok. He becomes surprisingly comfortable with touching and manipulating Kurt’s hands on the keyboard. He knows part of this success is that he really loves playing the piano and another part is that he doesn’t have to look Kurt in the eye much. But there’s a third part of the equation.

Kurt is a very calm person. Or at least he is right now. And his disposition is really soothing to Blaine. Because Kurt isn’t nervous or jittery, Blaine is much less so than usual.

The boys part that day with Kurt saying he owes Blaine a coffee for the lesson. Blaine tells him that he and Matt are playing open mic night again that week, if Kurt wants to stop by.

And of course Kurt wants to stop by.


	2. Chapter 2

Friday dawns and Blaine is well aware that he has a long day ahead of him. He barely slept the night before. Being nervous about his speech therapy appointment, on top of being nervous about meeting up with Kurt at open mic night, made it so that he could hardly shut off his mind. Just before noon, he walks over to the office of his new speech therapist and knows that this won’t be easy. The whole thing, from beginning to end is pretty much going to suck. He’s greeted by a grandmotherly receptionist and gives his name, with minimal blockage he’s proud to report.

Within a minute or two, his new speech therapist comes out to greet him. He’s young, much younger than Blaine would have imagined, maybe only 5 or 10 years older than Blaine. “Blaine right?” he questions with a slight head bob and a handshake. “I’m Ch-Chad.” Oh no. His therapist stutters. Why would he want to get therapy from someone who stutters?

“Come on in,” Chad directs him to a door down the hall and it would be rude if Blaine left without at least hearing the guy out.

Inside the office, they take a seat in two fairly comfortable office chairs at a small table.

“Usually the first thing people want to know when they meet me is how in the hell am I supposed to take speech therapy seriously from a dude who sa-sa-stutters.”

Blaine blushes a little and drops his gaze.

“I know you were thinking it. I would think it too. In fact, I thought it when I was in your position. The s-s-sah-peech therapist I went to as a kid had a stutter, but I probably learned more from her than anyone else on earth. So now here I am, trying to help the next generation. Though I think you and I are technically in the same generation.”

Who does this guy think he is? Blaine wonders. Does he think we’re going to be friends or something? And what kind of stupid name is Chad? It’s like some dumb surfer name from the 80’s. (His non-loser voice wonders why Blaine is being such an asshole, but that’s easy enough to ignore in his agitated state.)

“So, I’ve read over your assessment and it seems like you’re actually in a really good place to start therapy. Which is why we give the assessments in the first place. But before we dive in, do you have any qu-qu-questions?”

Blaine shakes his head. Even though he has a thousand questions, none of them are good and none of them are particularly useful. Mostly he just wants to ask “what the fuck?” and he knows that isn’t really productive.

“Alright, you do realize that eventually you’re going to, to, to have to talk to me right?”

Blaine rolls his eyes at this, but nods. This is without a doubt the rudest he’s ever been to anyone and he’s not sure why. But it’s like he can’t control it. Until Chad starts talking and just doesn’t stop.

“Listen. I thought you s-s-s-sounded kind of interesting from your OASES, I’m not gonna lie. I wanted to work with a young guy, not just little kids or s-s-stroke victims. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but I was intrigued by your case and I volunteered for it. But if you want to see, see, see someone else in the practice, someone who’s older, or who doesn’t sa-sa-stutter themselves, that’s fine. Speak now or forever hold your peace. But just consider this, the point of sp-spa-speech therapy, particularly adult speech therapy, isn’t to cure your stutter, it’s to control it. It’s to make you a better communicator. I’ve said about 300 words since you walked in that door, and only st-st-stuttered on about a dozen. From what I gathered from your assessment, your sp-spa-speech is just as bad as mine was as a teenager. In the long run, wouldn’t you rather work with me, someone who you can see has their stutter under control, than with an old lady who never stuttered in her life and sm-sm-smells vaguely like bratwurst?”

At about the time Chat said “or forever hold your peace” Blaine’s mouth had started turning up in a smile. He still wasn’t looking at Chad, but in the end, by the time he got to the word bratwurst Blaine couldn’t contain a laugh a second longer. So he just let it out.

“Ah, so you can make noises. What about speak?”

“Yeah, I can dd-dd-dd-dah-do that too. Sort of.”

“Don’t ever tell anyone that I said Louisa smells like bratwurst.”

“Your sssssecret’s sssafe with me.”

“Yeah, something tells me you’re not exactly... loose lipped.” They both laugh at the bad pun and Blaine feels better and suddenly guilty.

“I’m ss-ss-s-sorry about how, how, how I was acting. I-I-I-I-I,” Blaine’s surprised about this block, surprised that it came on right now when he was actually feeling pretty relaxed. The good news is that he’s suddenly exhibiting all of his tics, including the new and painful neck jerking. So at least he won’t have to explain them or act them out for Chad.

Chad, for his side of the equation, simply sits back in his chair a bit and maintains eye contact with Blaine. As for Blaine, any time his eyes are actually open and in the right direction, he finds Chad’s. He stops the block with a violent throat clearing and shakes his head. “I-I-I, uh, ah, uh,” Blaine looks away now and smiles ruefully as he clears his throat again, “I actually ffffforgot wh-what I was say-say-saying.”

“So, that’s the neck roll you mentioned huh?” Chad inquires.

Blaine bobs his head. “Hurts. Makes mmmmmy neck ssssore.”

“I can imagine. I know we can fix it, Blaine. I’m not going to lie and I’m not going to give you false hope, but you can improve. Ssso tell me why you’re here? I mean, I’ve read why, but I’d like to hear more from you. And try not to avoid any words for me?”

“A lot of dah-dah-dd-ddifferent rr-rr-rreasons,” Blaine says.

“How about you pppick the one that means the most to you right now?” Chad asks.

“Um, well. I’m gay,” here Blaine shrugs and glances at Chad, who seems unphased. “And I just came out over the suh-suh-summer and I want to, ya know, have a, like, uh” here Blaine pauses for 10 seconds, 20 seconds, not even blocked yet, but knowing it’s coming, he inhales sharply and blows out in puff of air “bbbbboyfriend.” He sighs, at least he didn’t strain his neck getting it out. “You know, sss-sah-someday. And I mm-mmet a guy and I like him and I think, mmmm-maybe, he even likes me.” he pauses briefly, because saying that felt weird, but at least a little bit true. But why would Kurt like him? Blaine refocuses his thoughts and finishes with, “However, I can’t ttt-talk to him. Like, just... talk.”

“Well, yes, I could see how you might be interested in such a thing and how your speech would be an obstacle,” Chad remarks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know, just a p-p-p-passing sort of interest. Not a, uh, um, bbbbig deal.” Blaine agrees, smiling at their feigned nonchalance.

The hour goes on like that, with Blaine doing his best to talk about himself and Chad commenting or prompting him here and there. Chad thinks that Blaine would benefit from twice a week sessions to start with.

Blaine nods, thinking that he’s going to have confess that he’s going to speech to people. He hasn’t told anyone about starting again, no one but his mom. He hasn’t even told Matt. He definitely hasn’t told Kurt. Blaine is terrified of people being aware of his failures. He doesn’t want anyone to know if this doesn’t work out for him.

On his walk back to his dorm, Blaine considers everything that Chad said to him. And if Chad’s stutter used to be as bad as Blaine’s is and he speaks that well now, maybe, just maybe Blaine can do it. Hell, he’ll settle for even half as good as Chad.

But he’s still not sure he can tell Kurt about it.

~~~~~

Matt’s not in the room when Blaine gets back from speech, so he decides to take this opportunity to text Matt his news, rather than trying to talk to him about it.

2:17 pm  
Blaine: Hey, I’m on my way to work  
Blaine: but I wanted to tell you that I started going to speech therapy again  
Blaine: I don’t know why I didn’t mention it in the first place  
Blaine: I guess I’m just embarrassed

2:22 pm  
Matt: Don’t be embarrassed.  
Matt: I think if it’ll help you it’s a good idea  
Matt: Can I hazard a guess at what made you want to go back suddenly?

2:24 pm  
Blaine: Sure. guess away.

2:25 pm  
Matt: HMMMM. Perhaps a certain young gentleman named KURT!?

2:27 pm  
Blaine: Perhaps :)  
Blaine: I just hope it works this time

2:30 pm  
Matt: Well, good work. Nice going, you’re gonna be a speech therapy champion. You can do it and all that junk.

2:32 pm  
Blaine: You have lifted my spirits with your mediocre cliches.

2:34 pm  
Matt: I try. I try

2:35 pm  
Blaine: Kids are here now.

2:38 pm  
Matt: fingers crossed for less urination today.

~~~~~

Blaine is tired. He might even be something beyond tired after spending an hour this afternoon talking to Chad (that’s a LOT of talking for Blaine) and spending the next 4 hours chasing overly rambunctious children around an elementary school gym. If he hadn’t mentioned to Kurt that he was going to be at the coffee shop tonight, he probably wouldn’t have bothered coming. He didn’t even feel like performing, ignoring Matt’s pleas, telling him that this was a great opportunity for him to woo Kerry. (Matt acquiesced quickly after that.)

Kurt’s surprised when he shows up and finds Blaine sitting at a table by himself doing what appears to be statistics homework. He thought for sure he’d be singing tonight. Truth be told, Kurt really wanted to hear Blaine sing again, he’d been looking forward to it.

“That looks fun,” Kurt says as he perches on the chair across from Blaine.

Blaine looks over at Kurt and blinks, almost confusedly. Once he registers who it is, Blaine can’t help but smile. Kurt can’t help but see even through his warm smile, that Blaine is looking a bit worn out this evening, maybe even world weary. So that’s why he’s not up there with Matt right now, Kurt thinks.

“Then I’m dd-dd-doing ss-ss-something wrong. It’s hell,” Blaine responds, running a hand over his tired eyes.

“Doing homework on a Friday night is pretty much always hell. Why would you even bother?”

Blaine shrugs. “I-I-I-I... uh,” and Kurt realizes that he might have said the wrong thing. He forgot for a moment, about insecurities that Blaine might have, about how he said he doesn’t have a lot friends. Maybe this is a pretty good Friday night for Blaine.

Blaine breaks his block and says, “I ww-ww-wanted to get it done. It kept me from be-be-be-be-being nervous about seeing you, too,” Blaine addresses the table with this sentiment, rather than Kurt.

“Oh. I’m sorry I said it like that. I wasn’t judging you, I swear, just talking without a filter.”

“S’okay,” Blaine says.

“So, do you want coffee? I’m buying and you can’t say no because I owe you,” Kurt says in a rush, trying to smooth over whatever mistake he may have just made.

“Um, sure. Coffee ssssounds good,” Blaine responds, still not quite looking Kurt in the eye.

“What kind? I feel like I should know this...” Kurt says with a wrinkle in his brow.

“I tt-tt-tend to swa-switch it up, keep people guessing. To-to-to-night I-I-I just kind of wwwant … coffee. With milk. Pppplease.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll be right back.” Kurt moves into the short line and Blaine watches him until Kurt glances over and waves. Blaine feels caught, but he’s not sure why. He also feels sweaty and weird and overly emotional. He just wants to make it through this encounter and not completely humiliate himself. He’s nervous about what Kurt might expect from the night. Are they supposed to hang out? Like all night? Blaine’s not sure he can do it. His stutter is even worse when he’s tired.

When Kurt returns to the table, Blaine has cleared his homework and gratefully accepts the paper cup of coffee.

“You dddidn’t have to spa-spa-spra-ing for the extra large,” Blaine says sheepishly.

“Why not? I owe you for your patience.”

“I’m p-p-p-p-pretty sure I owe you for your pay-pay-pay-patience too.”

“Nah, you paid for the cheeseburgers. So, really, how are you?”

~~~~~

What Blaine wants to say:  
I’m very, very tired. And I’m sorry that I’m not very good at this. I want to be able to talk to you, so I’m going back to speech therapy and that terrifies me. I went today for the first time in a long time and it’s going to be so, so hard. But it’ll be worth it when, eventually, I can just talk to you whenever I want to, without worrying about my stutter. So, I’m tired and I don’t have a lot to say, because I already talked a lot earlier. Don’t feel bad if you want to go do something else tonight besides hang out with me, because this isn’t going to be a fun encounter for either of us. But sometime soon, I think I’ll be ok. And then things won’t be so awkward. For now though, things are going to be awkward. And you might have to hold up more than your fair share of the conversation. Oh, and I’m sorry about this weird neck twitch thing, hopefully speech therapy will make that better, too. Ok? Cool. I’m going to sleep now.

What Blaine says:  
Um. Tired.

~~~~~

Kurt nods in understanding and wishes for the hundredth time he could read Blaine’s mind. Because it’s written all over his face that there’s a lot that he’s not saying. But Kurt is also well aware that urging Blaine to talk right now might not really produce any results. His shoulders are slumped and his mouth is drawn in a frown, his eyelids seem to be fluttering of their own accord, making him look just moments from dropping into sleep.

Kurt makes several attempts at conversation and they fall into stilted small talk for the better part of an hour. But they never quite find their footing, never quite hit their stride. Blaine is trying, as much as he can when his mind and his mouth and his stupid neck twitch just make him exhausted.

Kurt finally says that he has to go meet some friends for a 21st birthday party, but that Blaine should “get in touch” if he’d like to do something over the weekend. Apparently Kurt can’t read Blaine’s hang dog expression at the idea of approaching Kurt for any reason, not when he’s so very tongue tied in his presence. Blaine nods and says goodbye and when Kurt is gone from his sight, only then does he let himself put his head down on the little cafe table for a few minutes. Enjoying the cool formica on his forehead and trying to drum up the energy to walk back to the dorm. 

After a minute, Blaine sighs and heaves himself out of his chair. He makes his way back to his room and falls soundly asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.

~~~~~

A Moment of Kurt

When I looked back and Blaine’s head was on the table, my heart broke. For a second, I thought he was crying and I had to stop myself from going back over.

Then I realized, no matter what, he wouldn’t want to know that I caught him like that, to know that I saw him that vulnerable, so I just hurried away.

Tonight was … disappointing. I thought maybe he’d come with me to this party, if I asked just the right way. This whole “wooing Blaine” thing is going to be a lot harder than I expected. 

I wish I knew what to do.

~~~~~

Friday night obviously did not quite go how either boy had planned.

And then they both spend Saturday agonizing about each other.

In that way only people trying to start a relationship can agonize.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine

I like him too much.

This is stupid. I should just text him.

He said he wants to be friends and maybe even more than friends someday.

He told me to “get in touch!”

I like him too much and he’s going to think I’m a weirdo.

He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

I really want to call him. But I know he hates the phone.

I could just text him, but I also want him to take his time.

But what if I never see him again?

Ok. If I don’t hear from him in a week, I’ll ask him out.

I told him to “get in touch!”

Maybe he doesn’t like me?

~~~~~

On Sunday, Blaine goes for a run. He’s in his groove, enjoying the air and trying not to think about Kurt. He’s on a quiet street and he gives a quick glance behind him as he goes to cross in the middle of the block, but doesn’t notice the small tree near the curb until his feet are tangled in it and he’s tumbling to his knees.

“Oh shit, fuck, hell,” he hisses quietly as he sinks to the curb. Both of his knees are scraped pretty badly and several of the sharp little branches definitely left scratches across his cheek as he fell. He looks at the blood beginning to seep from the scrapes and has a moment where he’s sure he feels tears building in his eyes.

It hurts and he’s shaken from the fall, but looking closer now they’re just bad scrapes, it’s not like he’s going to need stitches or anything. But, of course, he doesn’t have any money on him to even buy band-aids at the deli two doors down. Maybe they’ll at least take pity on him and give him some wet paper towels. As he’s assessing the damage, Blaine fails to notice a person walking up the street.

“Blaine?” comes a voice from across the street.

“Oh shit, fuck, hell,” he hisses again, as he gives a half-hearted wave to the person he’s been both desperate and scared to see all weekend. The number one person he wouldn’t want to show up as he sat in a puddle of his own shame. He can never catch a break.

Kurt jogs over. “Oh my God, Blaine! You’re bleeding! What happened?”

He nods his head in a way that he hopes doesn’t scream “no shit, Sherlock” and he gestures towards the tree.

“Damn tree. Do you live nearby? Can I help you home? I live like a mile in the other direction, but maybe you’re closer?” Kurt gently touches Blaine’s chin, turning his face a bit to look at the scratches. It takes almost all of Blaine’s strength not to pull away from the soft hand on his face. It’s too much, Kurt’s kindness, it’s almost too much for Blaine to take in.

“Mmmmy dorm is two, uh, uh, over.” He points vaguely and hopes Kurt will just infer the missing word. And then he hopes that Kurt will just go about his business and walk away and forget all about Blaine and they’ll never see each other ever again and Blaine can quit speech therapy and he can just go back to what his life was like before Kurt Hummel entered it and tossed it upside down by calling him level-headed. Damn he could use a level-head right now.

“Ok, how bout this? Stay here for a minute and I’ll go see if I can get something from the deli and we’ll clean you up. Then I’ll walk you back? Ok?” Blaine just nods, again feeling that very real sensation of tears prickling behind his eyes. He swallows hard several times and Kurt pats him on the shoulder as he walks over to the store.

Kurt returns quickly with a small travel first aid kit and a stack of both dry and wet paper towels. He motions for Blaine to move over to the steps of the building behind them. “Do you need help getting up?” Kurt asks. Blaine shakes his head, but internally curses himself for not accepting it when pain radiates through his legs.

He settles on the third step up with a hiss and Kurt smiles at him reassuringly. “This little kit has alcohol swabs and neosporin and bandaids. First I’m going to wipe the blood up a bit ok?

Blaine bites his lip. “No, no, uh. I-I-I-I can dd-ddd-do it.”

“Blaine.” Kurt stands with his hands on his hips. “You’re all shaken up. Look at your hands, they’re trembling. Let me help you. Here,” Kurt hands Blaine one of the wet paper towels, “Hold this to your cheek.”

Blaine does as he’s told. Though when Kurt goes to touch his knee, he can’t help but flinch away a little bit.

“Seriously, let me freaking help you,” Kurt mutters through clenched teeth, as he moves Blaine’s leg back to where he can see the cuts. Then he relaxes his mouth and starts talking soothingly as he dabs at the scrapes, “My stepmom is a nurse. Which doesn’t exactly make me qualified for this, but she’s always preaching certain standards of first aid. You know like clean all cuts thoroughly, check that the airway is clear, don’t move unconscious people, try not to trip over the world’s smallest trees while jogging. Is your airway clear?”

Blaine makes a half and half gesture with his hand. He’s not choking, but Kurt’s fingers on his leg are making it sort of hard to speak. He draws his breath through his teeth as Kurt goes to work with the alcohol swabs. During Kurt’s little monologue Blaine hadn’t even noticed that Kurt had unwrapped one.

“These scrapes aren’t too bad. Bet they hurt like hell though, huh? That sucks.” Kurt glances at him for response. Before Blaine can do more than nod, Kurt looks back at the cuts and continues. “I thought you were going to stop avoiding me maybe, now that we hung out a few times. I thought we were going to at least be friends or something.” Kurt isn’t accusing him of anything, but Blaine can sense some hurt in his tone. At this moment, Blaine is the observer and Kurt is the one averting his eyes.

“Oh. Uh, um. I didn’t want to … bah-bother you. I figured you were,” here his neck gives an awful jerk, “buuuh-buuh-bih-bih-bih-zee.” That didn’t even sound like a word. Kurt stands then and catches Blaine’s eye.

“I wasn’t busy,” Kurt states, matter of factly. “Ok. Let me clean your face now.”

“It’s still ... bah-bah-bleeding?” Blaine asks.

“Yeah, a little. There’s only one bad cut. It might leave you with a rogue-ish face scar. You’re lucky it didn’t get your eye.”

Kurt’s gentle hand is cupping Blaine’s chin, holding Blaine’s face steady while he dabs at the cut. Blaine can hardly breathe. He can’t even keep his eyes open. The very nearness of Kurt and his kindness in this unexpected moment is overwhelming Blaine. He’s pretty much trembling all over now and he knows Kurt can feel it. The idea that Kurt can feel how nervous, how scared he is, just makes it worse. It just makes everything worse.

Kurt watches Blaine’s eyelids flutter and feels the tremors running through his body. Kurt can tell Blaine is just barely keeping himself together. If this is how Blaine struggles with everything, how hard he has to fight just remain afloat, then it’s no wonder he looked exhausted Friday at the coffee shop.

“If this cut was any bigger you’d probably need stitches, but there’s a butterfly bandaid in the kit, so I just put that on there. Do you want me to take you to the emergency room, just in case? As previously stated, I’m not actually qualified to assess these wounds.”

Blaine knows Kurt is trying to make him laugh. He knows it but he can’t even try. He rests his elbows on his thighs, squeezes his eyes shut and puts his face in his hands, careful not to disrupt the bandage.

He senses that Kurt sits down next to him, but he can’t look at him. Kurt rubs a tentative circle on Blaine’s back. When Blaine doesn’t flinch away, Kurt leaves his hand there, just light enough to remind Blaine that he’s not alone.

Blaine’s head remains in his hands as he says “I’m always just embarrassing my-my-my-myself around you. I-I-I feel so dah-dumb.”

“Oh, I’m sure the world’s tiniest tree has taken many victims in its short lifetime. I mean, it’s so low to the ground and outside of your line of sight.” Blaine feels Kurt move away from him so he looks up to find Kurt karate chopping at the uppermost branches of the little tree. Blaine finally does laugh, but it’s bitter.

“I-I-I dah-dah-don’t just mmmmean with the tree,” Blaine declares, in a voice much louder than Kurt expected.

“I know,” Kurt answers, “I’m trying to ease your agitation. Apparently it’s not working. Sorry.”

“Oh, God, no,” Blaine sighs, deflating. “I’m ss-ss-ss-sorry. I-I-I-I-I,” Blaine puts his face back in his hands and rubs his eyes. Then he looks up at Kurt and shrugs. “I just … have … no idea ... what I’m … dah-dah-dah-doing.”

“No big deal. So, can I walk you home?” Kurt asks.

“If, if, if you ww-ww-wah-want to,” Blaine answers with a nod.

“Blaine, I swear I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.”

Blaine stands then and stretches his back. “This is going to hurt like, like, like, uh, uh hell in the mm-mm-morning.” Blaine grabs the railing as he eases off the stairs.

“You need help?” Kurt really wishes Blaine would say yes, to give him a reason to touch him again. But he has a feeling Blaine’s pride is just as bruised as his body right now.

“Oh, no, no, no th-th-thank you.”

The boys walk in silence, slowly with Blaine limping along, for half a block before Kurt stops. Blaine keeps walking a few steps before he notices and then he stops and turns back.

“Listen to me, really listen to me, ok Blaine?” 

Blaine nods.

“I don’t ever do things I don’t want to do. If I didn’t want to talk to you, I wouldn’t, if I didn’t want to see you, I wouldn’t. If I didn’t like you and didn’t want to hang out with you, I would have never stopped to help you today. If I didn’t want to walk you home after you’ve been accosted by a sapling, I wouldn’t offer. But you’ve got to give me something to work with here. You don’t have to meet me halfway even, I’m ok doing most of the work. But I don’t know how to earn your... trust? I think that’s what I’m trying to do, earn your trust. And I don’t know how. I’ve been entirely sincere with you and yet you seem to question my intent. You need to give a little bit. Just a little.”

Blaine blushes deep red and when he looks at Kurt and sees color high in his cheeks, he feels like a terrible person. He was so wrapped up in his own problems and inadequacies, he forgot (again) how Kurt might be feeling. He inhales deeply. His palms are sweating, he’s blinking too much, he doesn’t know what to say. He raises his hands in a gesture of surrender.

“Ok. Um. I-I-I dd-dd-do nnneed help. My, my, my knees hurt and, and, and you could help mmmme,” he feels so vulnerable as he says this, keeping his eyes trained on the ground before him, like just asking for help has laid him bare on the sidewalk. Then he feels Kurt’s hand on his wrist as he places Blaine’s arm around his shoulders and Kurt’s arm snakes around Blaine’s waist.

“That’s all you had to say. See how easy that was?”

Blaine barks a laugh. “There w-w-was nnnnothing easy about that.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sept 16th  
9:54 pm  
Blaine: um. hi.  
Kurt: um. hi back.  
Blaine: (small embarrassed font) thank you for helping me on sunday (end small embarrassed font)  
Kurt: Blaine, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about  
Please don’t be embarrassed  
Blaine: ah yes. nothing at all.  
not Blaine, he does it all perfectly and with such aplomb!  
Kurt: Blaine you are so freaking endearing and you have no idea  
Blaine: endearing hm? I think I like that  
I can handle that  
Kurt: good, cause you are  
Blaine: I want to tell you something  
and it’s kind of a big deal for me  
but I was nervous to tell you before  
not because I don’t trust you, but because I don’t trust myself not to fail  
and I don’t trust my own follow through with these things  
but I’m hoping if I tell you maybe you’ll believe that I trust you  
especially if you know that this is a big deal  
and the only other people who know are my mom and Matt  
oh and Cooper, he knows  
and I’d imagine my mom told my dad  
Kurt: Blaine.  
you’re rambling.

10:22 pm  
Kurt: Blaine? There was something that you wanted to tell me?  
like 8 minutes ago?  
Blaine: sorry, I zoned out on exactly how to phrase it  
Kurt: Just say it, remember?  
the best and easiest way is just to say it  
Blaine: I started going to speech therapy again last week  
partly because I want to be able to talk to you  
and other reasons too  
but you’re part of it  
Kurt: wow, I’m pretty flattered that you’d do that  
how long has it been since you stopped going?  
Blaine: about 5 or 6 years  
the beginning of high school  
I thought I was ok, that I could just make it by  
I started cross country and that was everyday after school  
I still saw Paula once a week  
and I just wanted that to be enough  
I guess it was enough then, I didn’t really want anything for myself  
just wanted to make it through high school  
Kurt: I hear that  
Blaine: but now I do want stuff  
I want to be a teacher and that means I have to talk a lot  
I want to be less nervous  
and to have more control  
and to be able to talk to you  
in real life, not just on the internet or texting  
Kurt: remember that whole endearing thing from earlier?  
you just quadrupled it.  
Blaine: This is all just really big for me  
really big and scary  
Kurt: what “all”?  
Blaine: you “all”  
being around you.  
um.  
liking you  
Kurt: oh that stuff  
Blaine: wanting to impress you  
and instead just making a fool out of myself all the time  
Kurt: you really don’t make a fool of yourself all the time Blaine  
what you think is foolish and what I think is foolish are obviously different things  
you’ve done nothing that you should be ashamed of  
and until you start kicking puppies for sport, i have a feeling I’ll keep feeling that way.  
Blaine: if you insist  
Kurt: I hope you don’t think this is condescending  
but I’m kind... proud? of you right now?  
I have a feeling that none of this was easy for you to say  
but you said it  
you told me  
Blaine: I don’t think that’s condescending at all  
Kurt: good, because I mean it in the best way possible  
so do you want to talk about going to speech therapy?  
or not?  
I don’t want to be nosy, but I’m interested  
Blaine: I don’t know  
um. if you have questions, I could answer them  
but I don’t really have to talk about it  
it’s going ok. I mean I’ve only been there a couple times  
but I like my SLP (speech language pathologist)  
and I dunno  
it’s ok  
I think it’ll be ok  
Kurt: What kind of stuff do you do there?  
Blaine: so far, mostly talk about talking, which I hate  
but we make goals, short term, long term  
the point isn’t to cure my stutter, because that’s impossible  
the point is to control it  
I feel like it could happen though  
I feel like I could get better at controlling it  
Kurt: see, I think this is all really interesting  
it’s interesting to see your emotions about something so... clinical  
Blaine: I guess I can understand that  
he gives me challenges  
Kurt: like what?  
Blaine: currently, my challenge is to call my mom sometime in the next two weeks.  
Kurt: You don’t call your mom?  
Blaine: I don’t talk on the phone  
ever  
I think I’ve talked on the phone like 20 times in my whole life  
half of those times ended with the other person hanging up before I even spoke  
thinking I was like a heavy breather or a prank caller  
I was trying to call somebody about a group project once in high school  
because they didn’t have a cell phone so I couldn’t text  
and we really had to work something out  
and their grandma answered  
and she was like “Is this a sex pervert? Listen pervert, you better stop that breathing.”  
I kind of didn’t know whether to laugh or cry  
Kurt: probably laugh, I mean, she told you to stop breathing  
she didn’t even say “heavy breathing”  
she pretty much told you to die  
How have you managed to only talk on the phone 20 times in your life though?  
Blaine: well, give or take 20 times, I don’t know the exact number, but it’s low  
the internet helps, for starters  
have you heard of it? You can do almost anything there these days...  
Kurt: smartass  
Blaine: I’ve found a ton of restaurants that let you order takeout online  
And my mom always made phone calls about appointments  
which is kind of humiliating when you’re 18, but on the other hand such a relief  
and you know, unlimited texting  
Kurt: huh  
fascinating  
not that I talk on the phone a ton  
but I talk to my dad and stepmom a couple times a week  
probably more than any normal college student calls home  
but i like them  
Blaine: see, now I find *that* endearing :)  
Kurt: well obviously  
Blaine: so yeah  
I guess that’s about it  
Kurt: I’m glad you told me  
Blaine: I’m glad I told you too  
I feel a little less weighed down by it  
How’s Teen Vogue?  
Kurt: You know, I miss working there full time  
only going in a couple mornings a week makes me feel like I’m missing out on a lot  
Blaine: the gossip mill turns even when the great Kurt Hummel isn’t present?!?!  
Kurt: I KNOW! I was aghast  
Blaine: so does that mean you’re dropping out school to start a career as a full time editorial intern, just for the sake of gossip?  
Kurt: you ask this as though I haven’t already considered it  
the gossip is much better than the mediocrity present in my junior seminar  
these people are BOBOS  
I constantly ask myself how they got into NYU  
I thought we had standards  
Blaine: I’m still a little sad D.Marshall isn’t in it  
Kurt: you and me both  
I’m still a little desperate to find out what she looks like  
I tried to stalk her on facebook, but I couldn’t pinpoint her  
there are a surprising number of Deirdre Marshall’s in the world  
there’s a specific Blaine Anderson missing on there too  
Blaine: I know!  
jeez what’s up with that guy?  
Kurt: how does it feel to be the only person on earth that doesn’t have Facebook?  
Blaine: It feels like REBELLION  
Kurt: is there a reason? or you just don’t want one?  
Blaine: eh. I guess it’s because I don’t really know a lot of people  
and it just …  
ok fine, I hate the idea of putting myself out there like that  
it’s like too much... of an exhibition for me  
that by no means is a judgment on anyone who has one  
but it’s just not my scene  
Kurt: “your scene” what are you a hipster?  
Blaine: yes, i converted  
Kurt: was there a trial by fire?  
something involving plastic glasses frames and threadbare flannel?  
Blaine: I had to get an ironic tattoo and grow creative facial hair  
to pledge my loyalty  
Kurt: tell me about this tattoo  
Blaine: on my left ass cheek it says “right” in sanskrit  
Kurt: oh  
my  
god  
I can’t stop laughing  
why can’t I stop laughing  
I’m like wheezing  
Blaine: do you need me to call for help?  
Kurt: Rachel actually just came to check on me  
I’m fine now  
Blaine: was that really even that funny?  
Kurt: I don’t know, yes  
yes it was  
oh man  
wooo  
tears in my eyes.  
Blaine: you ok?  
Kurt: yeah, seriously  
I think you’re even funnier now  
because you would never in a hundred million years say that in real life  
so when you come up with something like that  
and I picture you trying to say it  
Blaine: I think I can see it  
if I turn my head and squint  
Kurt: you know I’m not making fun of you right?  
it’s the juxtaposition of it  
Blaine: I know  
it’s nice to hear though  
also, excellent word Kurt  
Bravo!  
Kurt: thank you.  
I learned it from watching you.  
how are your wounds?  
Blaine: The spiritual ones you just gave me?  
or the physical ones that I received from the world’s tiniest tree?  
Kurt: Blaine  
I didn’t mean to wound your spirit  
I wasn’t making fun of you  
Blaine: I know :D  
I just felt like being a jerk  
Kurt: Oh good  
yes, that’s good  
now you have wounded my spirit.  
Blaine: as for the bodily harm that I inflicted upon myself...  
FUCKING HURTS  
The skin on my knees is so tight  
And Matt keeps making fun of me for the cut on my cheek  
He’s insisted on calling me “Rocky” all week  
Kurt: Matt’s funny  
Blaine: brb  
11:56 pm  
Blaine: back  
Kurt: i was just thinking  
it’s funny/weird that I haven’t actually met Matt yet  
It’s weird, because I *know* him, but I haven’t actually met him  
Blaine: That is weird  
but it’s kind of the same with me and Rachel  
Kurt: yeah, but you’ve talked to her to order coffee or whatever  
Blaine: that would be a negative  
Kurt: But she’s been there, when you’ve been there  
Blaine: I don’t order coffee there  
because they  
I guess I never mentioned this to you  
it’s so stupid  
but, it’s not like I have an ounce of composure left anyway  
Kurt: Blaine you’re sort of rambling again  
Blaine: yes, I am  
I don’t order from that place because they make you say your name  
well, sometimes I order from there, if I have to  
but then I give a fake name  
and I could never do that when Rachel’s there  
because she would know I was lying  
Kurt: You give fake names when you order coffee?  
like, regularly?  
Blaine: Yes. I can usually say other people’s names  
without stuttering  
can’t really say my own though  
Kurt: so do you have a particular name you use or do you vary it?  
Blaine: I try to keep it simple, usually a name that starts with E or A  
It’s very, very, very rare I ever stutter on e’s and a’s  
Usually Alex or Ed  
Kurt: Can we like... create personalities for them?  
Blaine: I can already tell you that Alex is a journalism major  
and as a kid he was an extra in Toys R Us commercials  
Kurt: fascinating  
Blaine: I know, he is also a notorious womanizer and the ladies really fall for it  
he’s always winking at baristas  
Kurt: NO! do you really wink at baristas!?!?  
Blaine: blushing font  
sometimes, yes.  
It’s like I started to really pretend I was this guy  
I mean, not all the time, I didn’t have a psychotic break or anything  
but I just sort of … entertain myself with it  
I don’t say much, because I don’t want to stutter, but it’s fun  
it makes me laugh. It makes Matt piss himself every time I do it.  
it was Matt’s idea actually, he’s sort of brilliant every once in a while.  
Kurt: OMG. I want to watch sometime  
Blaine: I don’t know if it would work in front of you  
Kurt: maybe if I pretended I wasn’t watching???  
Blaine: maybe, we could try it  
Kurt: ha! This is awesome  
I love that  
what about Ed?  
Blaine: unfortunately, Ed is just Blaine I think  
he doesn’t say much, usually just his order and his name  
Ed is for when I just want to get the hell out of dodge  
Kurt: This is all sort of fascinating Blaine  
you and your multiple personalities  
one of which is a “notorious womanizer”  
Blaine: LOL, I know  
it’s weird  
Kurt: it’s not weird. It’s quirky, it’s cute.  
I like that you make the best of a shitty situation  
and not just the best, but you make it hilarious  
I don’t know many people who could do that  
laugh at themselves, even when something makes them feel shitty  
Blaine: I never considered it that way  
I just... it’s more reflexive  
just a bandaid for a bad situation  
or at least that’s what Chad (my SLP) would say  
(I on the other hand, would say “it’s a sterilized dressing for a tough situation.” Fucking b-words, foiling me around every turn.)  
Kurt: what’s he like?  
(I don’t think I’ve mentioned enough how very endearing I find you this evening)  
Blaine: Chad? He’s young, like way young. maybe only 25 or 26  
he kind of reminds me of a blonder version of my brother  
he’s funny  
he’s kind of a hardass about stuff, but I need that  
if I’m really going to do this right  
Kurt: sounds like a good fit then  
Blaine: oh and he stutters  
but he’s got really good control over it  
he used to stutter as bad as I do  
but you hardly even notice it anymore  
Kurt: that’s good, that’s amazing really  
Blaine: it is!  
Kurt: It’s interesting to me that you didn’t lead with the fact that he stutters  
it doesn’t define him  
Blaine: it doesn’t  
i kinda want to be just like him someday  
Kurt: blergh. endearing.  
Blaine: if I’m just consistently endearing then you probably don’t have to comment on it each time  
Kurt: endearing and humble  
shaking my head  
you’re just making it worse  
you’re not going to be able to say anything right now  
without me being like “aw, so cute!”  
Blaine: that’s fucking bullshit man  
Kurt: aw, so cute, look at how cute you are when you’re angry and sweary!  
Blaine: I’m going to go kick some puppies  
Kurt: aw, puppies are so cute! and you’re going to look so cute kicking them!  
Blaine: You are ruining my street cred.  
Kurt: you don’t have street cred  
Blaine: how do you know?  
maybe I like … live alone on the mean streets of Southie  
and I do construction work  
and I hang out with my friends  
and get drunk  
and into fights with smart dudes  
Kurt: and Robin Williams is your shrink? and you’re a mathematics prodigy?  
Blaine: damn you, you weren’t supposed to realize that it was the plot of Good Will Hunting  
Kurt: seriously? That’s the best you could do?  
it’s just so darn CUTE!  
Blaine: since you think I’m so cute  
I think I’ll take advantage of this moment  
to say that you know the only reason I can’t be normal around you in real life is because I like you, right?  
Kurt: yeah, I think I’m starting to understand  
I could try to be less likeable?  
Blaine: I don’t think that’s going to help at this point :)  
Kurt: how long did it take you to be comfortable around Matt?  
Blaine: well, it’s different  
because I really didn’t know him at all when I met him and I kind of already know you  
so that helps  
but I also was never... um … attracted to him  
and I’m attracted to you  
so there’s that  
Kurt: would it be entirely redundant to call you endearing again?  
Blaine: it *should* be, but somehow it isn’t  
Kurt: you’re also really kind and smart and talented and you have cute hair  
Blaine: oh, pshaw   
insert blushing font  
Kurt: just accept the compliments Blaine  
Blaine: thank you for the compliments Kurt  
Kurt: good boy  
insert me patting your head font  
Blaine: I think you’re all those things too  
minus the cute hair part, your hair is WAY more than cute  
your hair is freaking awesome  
Kurt: do we have a font for preening?  
because I’m currently preening  
Blaine: holy shit! How did it get to be 1:30 in the morning?  
Kurt: I have no freaking clue  
I hope you didn’t have anywhere you were supposed to be tonight  
Blaine: no, but I’ve been half-assedly writing a paper this whole time  
and reading it over just now, it TOTALLY SUCKS.  
somehow I integrated like 98% of our conversation into it and didn’t notice  
Kurt: we’re witty, I’m sure your professor will appreciate it  
Blaine: perhaps...  
Kurt: I’ll let you go fix that up  
Blaine: yes. I should do that  
Kurt: I’ll see you in the piano room tomorrow?  
Blaine: that would be excellent  
would you like Alex to pick you up a coffee?  
Kurt: if Alex doesn’t mind, I’d love a nonfat mocha  
Blaine: I think that can be arranged.  
Kurt: see you tomorrow!  
Blaine: Kurt, tomorrow when I’m shy, just remember that it’s not because I don’t want to be there. It’s just the way I am.  
Kurt: I know you’re supposed to be going to finish your paper  
but I have to admit that it totally intrigues that you can say stuff like that online  
that you can separate yourself from it like that  
Blaine: I totally can delineate   
sometimes I feel like two completely different people  
even in the moment, i’m thinking  
“come on Blaine! you can do this! Stop being socially awkward!”  
Kurt: really?  
that’s like really really amazing  
Blaine: I mean, it doesn’t actually do anything  
but yeah, I can separate the halves  
Kurt: fascinating  
now go fix your paper  
Blaine: Bye ;)  
(the winky face was from Alex)


	4. Chapter 4

Blaine wanders down the back stairs of the English building and he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Assuming it’s Kurt, he juggles the coffees he’s carrying and checks it immediately. It’s not Kurt, but it IS good news.

~~~~~

To: lists.english@nyu.edu  
From: j.margolies@faculty.nyu.edu  
Date: Wed, Sept 17, 11:37 am  
Subject: Cancellation of Classes

I’ll be canceling my Wednesday (9/17) & Thursday (9/18) classes due to a family emergency.

When we reconvene next week, we’ll discuss revisions to the syllabus.

Your reaction papers are due in the next class, or feel free to drop them in my mailbox in the English building if you’d rather get it over with.

Sorry for the short notice. I apologize for the inconvenience, but it was unavoidable.

-Jeff

~~~~~

He walks into the piano room with a smile on his face and finds Kurt there, lounging backward on the piano bench, elbows leaning on the keyboard cover.

Kurt smiles when Blaine walks through the door, “Hey there Blaine.” Blaine just says a quiet “hi” and hands Kurt his non-fat mocha.

“Looks like you’re not going to end up with a rogue-ish face scar,” Kurt comments, as he examines what’s left of the scratches on Blaine’s cheek.

“Not so mu-mu-much.”

“So are you feeling particularly patient today? Because I am ready to tackle more of ‘this is up, this is down, let’s go up and down.’ It’s my new favorite song, it’s been stuck in my head all week.” Kurt sings the little song that Blaine taught him last week while they were playing. Blaine kind of hates to admit that it makes his heart swell with pride. And it gives him just enough confidence to ask Kurt a question.

Blaine clears his throat, “Well. Um. Ww-what do you usually dah-dah-do on Wednesday afternoons?”

“Waste time until I have class at 6. Go back to my apartment and pretend to be a productive member of society while I watch whatever marathon is happening on Oxygen. When I’m lucky it’s America’s Next Top Model season 4. Sometimes I nap.”

“Www-what happens if you’re nn-nn-not lucky?”

“It’s season 13. I hate those bitches.”

“Mmmy afternoon class just got, got, got canceled,” Blaine pauses here and takes a breath, cursing himself for feeling nervous about this. “So, um, if you ww-ww-wwanted we, uh, uh, could,” throat clearing, jaw clenching, neck roll, “hang out or ss-ss-something.” He puffs his breath out and shakes his head, but looks over to Kurt, who’s smiling. “Or you could go home and www-watch Tyra,” Blaine finishes with a shrug.

“I think Tyra can wait. You don’t have work on Wednesdays?”

“No, I wouldn’t may-may-may-make it there on tt-tt-tt-time after this class.”

“Well, now that we have all of our scheduling issues out of the way, what shall we do with our found afternoon?”

Blaine shrugs again, he never made it that far into a plan.

“Lunch?” Kurt asks.

“Lunch,” Blaine agrees.

The boys decide to just pick up a pizza on the way and go hang out at Kurt’s. Kurt texts Rachel to see if she wants anything, but it turns out she has to work.

When the boys get to Kurt’s apartment, Blaine is quiet, passive, but not disinterested. Kurt’s starting to understand more about the subtleties of the way Blaine communicates. Kurt dumps the pizza on the coffee table and asks Blaine what he wants to drink.

Blaine does a triple blink, head shake, lip tightening, which Kurt can already tell you with confidence means “My voice seems to have taken a powder, but don’t mind me. Go about your business. It’ll come back, it always does.” Blaine-nese is a language of subtlety and much repetition. He shrugs so Kurt ushers him in the kitchen and lets Blaine just pick from what they have.

They sit down on the couch, not too far from each other, but far enough so they’re not touching. Kurt tells Blaine he just has to know which season is on today, and it’s season 8. “Oh! Jaslene!” Kurt exclaims as he settles into the couch cushions.

“I-I-I’ve nnn-nnn-never actually watched this show,” Blaine says.

“Well, it’s not the best, but it’s crazy and Tyra’s full of awesome cliches like ‘You have all of the potential in the world!’ And the girls are usually nuts and Mr. Jay and Miss Jay are awesome and I make all sorts of wonderfully hilarious comments about it, so I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Blaine side eyes Kurt and his enthusiasm warily through first couple of minutes, but he can’t help laughing as Kurt makes cutting and sarcastic remarks. Up until now Blaine has been so reserved around Kurt. So quiet, so embarrassed, but for whatever reason, Blaine seems downright giddy as he gets comfortable on the couch in Kurt’s living room. Still not talkative by most people’s standards, but his energy and his smile and his infectious laugh speak volumes.

They talk while they eat and watch several hours of mindless television. Blaine tells Kurt a little more about his job at aftercare and the new songs he and Matt have been working on. He asks Kurt interesting and probing and amusing questions and really listens to the things Kurt says. Sometimes Blaine responds with words and other times he responds with low whistles, hums, nods and several times with a movement that can only be described as an eyebrow shrug.

Kurt watches Blaine watch tv out of the corner of his eye and thinks back to the first time he really met Blaine. At that point, Kurt was amazed by how much Blaine said with his eyes, but that was before he spent more than an hour with him. It’s not just his eyes, Blaine seems to have developed an entire language of hand gestures and facial expressions. Blaine says far more with the scrunch of his nose or a flick of his fingers than most people can ever hope to. Kurt is pretty sure they could have a whole conversation with Kurt speaking and Blaine just gesticulating wildly. And it would not only be a very fun way to spend time, but it would also be fairly informative.

The afternoon wears on, companionably. Both boys are surprised when it’s 5:30 and Kurt needs to leave for class.

As they’re walking down the stairs, Kurt says “Rachel’s having people over Friday night. Puck’s going to be there, of course. I’ve been going back and forth between desperately wanting to flee the premises or just sucking it up and hanging out with them, again.” Kurt had explained to Blaine earlier that Rachel recently started seeing one of their friends from high school and Kurt keeps getting dragged into things because they both refuse to acknowledge the fact that they’re together. So they use Kurt like a chaperone. “Maybe it would be more fun if you were there,” Kurt says with a little smile.

“How mmmmmany people are go-go-going?” Blaine hates that that’s the first thing that pops out of his mouth. He should have just said yes.

“I don’t know. Like 15, maybe 20? I don’t know if that many people would really even fit in this place. If you’re not comfortable, don’t worry about it. Or, I don’t know, do you want to ask Matt to come too? I’d really like you to come.”

Blaine nods, “Yeah, sssssounds good.”

He walks back to the dorm whistling all of his favorite songs.

~~~~~

On Friday night, Matt and Blaine walk over to Kurt’s apartment with Blaine actually babbling. Matt has never heard Blaine waste words before. Usually Blaine only speaks with purpose but tonight it’s like he can’t stop talking.

“Since when are you a nervous talker?” Matt finally asks.

“Am I-I-I bbbbeing a nervous talker? Shit.” Blaine replies.

“You are a little. I’m just trying to figure out why.”

“I think I’m rah-rah-really excited to go. To, to Kurt’s.”

“Yes, Blaine, that’s quite obvious.”

“Is it bbbbad? Am I talking ww-worse than usual?”

“Actually, you’re talking better than usual I think. Though most of the time I don’t really notice when you stutter, so I’m not the person to ask.”

Blaine makes a quiet considering noise in his throat. “I-I guess I’m just happy. That Kurt wah-wanted me tah-tah-to come over.”

When they get buzzed in, Blaine’s whole persona shifts as they walk up the stairs. Matt’s seen him do this a hundred times. Being happy and excited one minute, then shifting quickly into “Public Blaine.” That’s what Matt calls him at least. “Public Blaine” is quite the tight lipped fellow.

Matt stops Blaine on the first landing to give him a brief pep talk. “You’ll be fine. Kurt wanted you to come, you sort of know Rachel and I’m here. Everything’s going to be fine. And we can leave whenever you want.”

Blaine just gives a twitchy head nod blink, which is a very clear indication that he’s terrified. Matt ruffles his hair, which always pisses Blaine off.

“Fuck you! My my my hair was ppp-perfect.”

“Now it’s better. Kurt will love it.” 

Blaine gives him a reprimanding look that just makes Matt laugh and the boys go the rest of the way up to find Kurt’s door slightly ajar and the noise of people and music just inside.

They walk through the small entrance hallway and into the living room. Blaine looks around for Kurt’s familiar figure. He spots him near the couch talking to a bigger guy with a shaved head, who is casually strumming a guitar. Just seeing a guitar somehow puts Blaine a little more at ease. And the look on Kurt’s face when he notices Blaine across the room, that definitely puts Blaine at ease.

Kurt waves him over and Blaine feels a rush go through his head. He hates this part. But Matt’s here, Matt’s here if Blaine can’t say his name when he needs to. Matt’s here to make a joke or divert attention when Blaine can’t quite get his voice working.

They make their way over to where Kurt is and Matt puts his hand out to shake. Blaine keeps forgetting that Matt and Kurt hadn’t technically met yet. They’re almost always in the same place at the same time, but somehow the official meeting never happens. Then Kurt introduces both Matt and Blaine to the infamous Puck.

“Sup guys,” Puck says, the picture of nonchalance. Blaine wishes he could seem that cool about anything. Ever.

Blaine feels like Puck is giving him a weird look but maybe that’s just because Blaine’s feeling awkward. Or maybe Rachel, or even Kurt, decided to “warn” Puck about Blaine’s speech. People (his parents) do that sometimes and it makes things better and worse at the same time.

Kurt offers to get Matt and Blaine a drink and they move with him to the kitchen, where they both accept a beer. Blaine still hasn’t really said anything, but Matt and Kurt are chatting like long lost friends. He’s pretty sure they’re making fun of him right now.

“Wait, wwwhat?” Blaine asks, zoning back into the conversation.

“Matt was just saying that you’ve decided to become a nervous talker,” Kurt replies.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Matt says. “I just mentioned that you wouldn’t shut up on the way here and now you’re silent Blaine, holy Blaine.”

Blaine gives them both the finger.

“Yes, that’s nice Blaine. Bravo,” Matt says.

“Very classy,” Kurt agrees.

Kurt turns to Blaine then, wanting to find the boy behind the mask and engage him. “I’m glad you wanted to come.”

Blaine nods, in way a way that he hopes screams “ALL I WANT TO DO IS SPEND TIME WITH YOU.” He’s pretty sure the message falls short.

Matt wanders away then, feigning knowledge of some random person in the living room. Matt can talk to pretty much anyone. Within 5 minutes he and Puck are discussing the fact that owning multiple guitars is in no way redundant, no matter what their moms say. In those same five minutes, Blaine has said nothing.

Rachel comes over to officially introduce herself to Blaine, so Kurt takes the opportunity to excuse himself to the bathroom. He’s worried to leave Blaine alone, but he figures Rachel will blabber on for at least a few minutes.

~~~~~

A Moment with Matt & Kurt

Kurt’s coming out of the bathroom when Matt pushes him back through the door.

“Well, this a little awkward,” Kurt remarks.

“I know,” Matt agrees. “But this might be the one chance all night for us to talk without Blaine lurking and I wanted to give you a couple tips.”

“Did you leave him alone?” Kurt asks, voice just a touch concerned.

“No, no. Rachel is still regaling him with the full story of your high school glee club,” Matt says. “Something about Quinn having a baby and you guys losing regionals?”

“That’s only the end of sophomore year,” Kurt nods. “We have plenty of time.”

“Okay, good. So, Blaine,” Matt continues. “He really likes you. And I’m definitely breaking the friend code and I definitely shouldn’t be talking to you about this, but I think he’ll thank me in the end.”

“Okay...” Kurt prompts.

“There are several things you need to know. He’s pretty much paralyzed with fear around you. When he’s being shy, tease him. Ruffle his hair or call him short. He’s not actually sensitive about either of those things, but he puts on a good act and he forgets to be shy. Don’t be afraid to kick him the ass. Not literally, but sometimes he just needs to hear the truth. If he’s blocked, make him laugh, it changes his breathing or something and usually he can talk after that. I know I don’t have to say this, but I’m a little protective of him, so don’t ever make fun of his stutter or else I will stab you in your sleep. Don’t ever tell him I talked to you about this stuff, or else he will stab me in my sleep.” Matt lets out a long breath.

“Wow. OK. That’s a lot to take in,” Kurt says. “Also some violence. But I totally understand why you want to protect him.”

“Oh, and really good going with the interludes thing.” Matt is giving Kurt double thumbs up. “I think he’s about to cross stitch that shit on a pillow.”

“I honestly have no idea where it even came from, but I really do feel that way.”

“Well, it worked. BIG TIME. Good luck, my friend,” Matt says in conclusion, as he pats Kurt on the shoulder and slips out of the bathroom.

~~~~~

Blaine feels like he hasn’t talked in hours. He didn’t have to say much to Rachel, she could pretty much carry on a conversation with an inanimate object. She had to go play hostess though, so he’s left standing by himself until Kurt gets back.

When Kurt returns, Blaine is leaning against the counter. Kurt smiles and leans next to him, just close enough that when Blaine tips his beer to his mouth his elbow brushes Kurt. Blaine inhales deeply and bites his lip, trying to discern which letters are working tonight. B’s aren’t working, of course, but he thinks that m’s should be ok and w’s probably. R’s were a little off earlier, but Matt also told him that he didn’t think Blaine was stuttering as bad as usual. He’s almost done with his second beer and that should loosen him up soon.

Kurt shifts and leans a little closer to Blaine. Kurt has been surprisingly quiet, not trying to keep up a one-sided conversation with Blaine or a steady stream of consciousness. Just patiently waiting, because he seems to sense that Blaine is working through something.

Blaine shifts a little too and now their shoulders are touching. He considers commenting on the beer, but that seems unnecessary, and then he’d have to say the word “beer” which is just a bad idea. Maybe if they stand here, gradually moving towards each other all night long, they won’t have to say anything at all. They’ll just end up standing in the kitchen, hopefully making out, because eventually they’ll be close enough for that, and right now, even just this barest shoulder touch is making Blaine dream of Kurt’s lips on his.

Blaine makes another shift, just the slightest movement and now their upper arms are pressed together. He moves his beer to his other hand and takes a swig, looking over at Kurt. Kurt’s looking at him, with just a hint of a smirk twitching at his lips. Blaine bobs his head and smiles a tight-lipped smile that quickly turns into a laugh when a laugh bubbles out of Kurt. Blaine looks down and swipes his hand along the back of his neck, feeling sheepish. When he looks back up, there’s suddenly a person in front of them.

“Blaine!” Rachel yelps. “I still have to finish my story. Kurt really came through for us senior year at nationals. It definitely has a happy ending.”

Blaine stands up fully to talk to Rachel and Kurt rests his arm along the counter where Blaine had just been slumped. Both Blaine and Kurt are still weirdly giggly, but since there’s no reason for the giggling Rachel just gives them each a confused look.

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” Blaine says, feeling like there’s cotton in his mouth. The very nearness of Kurt, along with making him giggly, had also made him feel sort of sleepy and excited at the same time. Must be Kurt’s soothing effect on him. And maybe the second beer that he pretty much just chugged.

Rachel notices his beer is empty and hands him a new one. She realizes then that she was sort of interrupting something. “Well, maybe later. I’ll let you two get back to … whatever it is you’re doing.” And she wanders away from them with just a befuddled grin in their direction.

Blaine goes back to his slumped stance against the counter and this time Kurt’s arm is pretty much around his waist. Kurt’s fingers find the edge of Blaine’s sleeve, and gently, so very gently, he starts running his fingertips up and down the back of Blaine’s arm. “Is this ok?” Kurt whispers, his mouth suddenly close to Blaine’s ear. And Blaine nods, as a little shiver runs up his spine.

“Are, are you not drinking?” Blaine asks, quietly, trying not to ruin the magic of this moment with his poor conversational skills. But he desperately wants to hear Kurt’s voice and feel his warm breath in his ear again. And he’s happy to realize that the alcohol is working its magic on his speech.

“Rachel likes to pre-game, so she made us cosmos earlier. She has a thing for pink drinks,” Kurt’s voice is like a purr in Blaine’s ear. “I had a few, though I’m not the best drinker. The first time I ever really drank, I had way too much.”

Blaine raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“Fine. The full story is that I threw up on a guidance counselor when I was sophomore in high school.”

“Re-really?” Blaine smiles at the thought of little Kurt. Then he smiles wider at the thought of Drunk Little Kurt.

“It was not my finest moment.”

Blaine is really starting to feel the effects of the beer. He’s leaning even more on the counter now, much closer to Kurt, and he’s counting all the places on his body that are currently in contact with the boy next to him. His thigh, his shoulder, Kurt’s fingertips on the back of his arm that are making his knees weak. He wants to be less of passive participant in the touching though, but he can’t think of anything to do, nothing that wouldn’t seem awkward.

People move from the breakfast island then and Kurt nudges Blaine towards the stools. Kurt drags the stools against the wall, so they’ll be able to pretty much see the whole apartment. Blaine hops up and before Kurt takes a seat, he grabs a few beers from the fridge. “Now we won’t have to move again for a while.” Then Kurt makes a point of putting his stool right up against Blaine’s and settling in. Blaine grabs one of the beers Kurt just brought over and leans his head against the wall, turning so he’s looking at Kurt.

Kurt has just opened the other beer and takes a sniff, wrinkling his nose, but then takes a swig anyway. Kurt crosses his legs and turns his body towards Blaine. “So where were we?”

“You, you threw up on a … guidance counselor.” Blaine says with grin.

“Oh, that. These things happen, it’s like a right of passage.”

The boys spend the next few hours talking almost non-stop, getting tipsier and tipsier. They still haven’t kissed, but they’ve been in almost a constant state of physical contact. Knees pressed together, warm hands on each other’s legs, heads leaned in close while whispers are exchanged. Everything’s a little blurry for both of them at this point, but they’re not so drunk as to not know what they’re doing.

Kurt’s not sure how Blaine would feel about their first kiss being quite so public. He’s fairly certain that that’s where the night is heading, and that Blaine wants to kiss him, but some people feel there is a time and a place for these things, and even drunk, Kurt wants to respect that.

As it gets later, Kurt gets up to say goodbye to people and Matt wanders over to see if Blaine wants to stay or go. Before Kurt walks away though, he puts a hand on Blaine’s chest and leans in to whisper, “You could stay a little longer. If you feel like hanging out.”

For about the millionth time today, Blaine nods, enthusiastically.

When Kurt walks out of earshot, Blaine turns to Matt and says “I-I think I’ll stay, a little lllll-longer. You can go.”

“You think you’re gonna hit that tonight?” Matt jokes, with a mocking leer and a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Blaine blushes and punches Matt in the kidney. “Ow, jeez man, I was kidding.”

“Vulgar,” Blaine retorts.

“So stay, shoot me a text if you decide to stay much, much, much longer, so I know you’re not dead or whatever. Definitely shoot me a text if you decide to move in with him.”

“Such caring, suh-suh-such concern, Matthew,” Blaine says with a grin. Rachel comes through then and Matt says goodbye and heads out the door.

“Blaine,” Rachel says seriously, “Kurt wanted me to tell you that he spilled wine on his pants and he is currently changing, blotting and pre-treating but that he will be with you in a moment. Technically, I spilled wine on his pants. I was supposed to mention that part.”

Blaine nods and settles into the couch to wait. He’s nervous, he doesn’t know what Kurt wants from him. Like, he can kind of guess, but he can’t quite think about what might happen next.

“Now I’m going to shower, where I will no longer be able to hear Kurt’s huffing and puffing about those fugly pants he was wearing tonight, that I supposedly ruined, but really I did him a favor. Puck’s around, so just hang.” At that moment, Puck comes back out to living room and brushes a hand across Rachel’s back. She tells him her plan and Puck sits in the chair across from the couch and picks up his guitar again.

Blaine smiles at Puck, briefly, but then lets himself zone out a bit, going back to his earlier train of thought. He really wants to kiss Kurt. And he knows that Kurt won’t make him do anything he’s not ready for, but Blaine’s nervous. He’s nervous about a hundred different things. And he’s starting to sober up a bit. Maybe another beer would help. Or maybe he should have just gone home with Matt. But Kurt asked him to stay.

While Blaine ponders his issues, Puck glances over at him several times. He quietly strums the guitar until he hears the water turn on in the shower. Then Puck puts down the guitar and leans forward in his seat.

"So, Kurt and Rachel tell me you’re a good guy. Whatever. Sorta sounds to me like you were a dick to Kurt."

“Um, uh, I...” Blaine starts to reply, but he’s not sure what Puck might want in this situation. Should he deny it? Or maybe agree? Maybe he’s not a good guy? Why is Puck so intimidating? Blaine is vaguely panic stricken. Did Kurt tell Puck that Blaine was a dick? He thought Kurt said everything was ok? Kurt asked him to wait, isn’t everything ok?

“I know you guys kissed and made up or whatever and he claims to like you, but I’ve made it my life’s work to make sure he never has a repeat of the shitstorm that happened in high school. He's into douchebags. I'm not. Don’t fuck with him or you'll deal with me. Got it?”

“Yeah. I-I-I thought, uh, nnn-nnn-nevermind,” Blaine keeps glancing down the hall to Kurt’s room, hoping that he’ll emerge. In the meantime though he can’t help asking, “Ww-ww-what happened in high sssssschool?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s Kurt’s story to tell you. But it fucked him up royally for a while, so you better not mess around with him. Moral of the story, don’t be a dick.”

Blaine realizes then that he pretty much wants to be anywhere but right here. He’s completely overwhelmed. “Can you tell-tell Kurt I … had tah-tah-tah-tah-to go?”

Puck nods once and Blaine is out the door without a glance behind him.

A minute later, Kurt comes back into the living room.

“Where did Blaine go?” Kurt asks when he looks around the living room to find Puck playing his guitar and no one else around.

“I dunno. Home? Or some shit.”

“What did you do, Puck?”

“Nothing! I mean, I told him not to be a dick to you ever again or I’d mess him up.”

“Seriously? Seriously! Why would you do that?” Kurt can feel the steam rising in his blood. He gives Puck a long hard stare. And then hits him with a rolled up magazine.

“Da fuck Kurt? I was like defending your honor!”

Kurt yells “RACHEL!!! I just killed Puck. I hope you don’t mind!”

Rachel comes running into the room wearing just a towel. “What? What the hell? Is there a fire?”

“No, your sort-of, sometimes boyfriend just told my painfully shy and socially awkward new almost-boyfriend that he was going to quote, unquote ‘mess him up.’”

“NO-AH! WHY?” Rachel yells.

“I just wanted him to know not to mess with Kurt! He seemed kind of like an asshole to me. Like all shifty eyed,” Puck retorts.

“So you threatened him? I told you that Blaine wasn’t dicking Kurt around!” Rachel exclaims. “He wrote Kurt a letter and sang him a song and he was just nervous about Kurt finding out he stuttered! And it was so cute, I cried!”

“That would explain why he looked so fucking terrified. And why he kept stuttering. I thought something was wrong with him,” Puck says earnestly.

“I hate you,” Kurt says.

“I think I hate you too,” Rachel huffs.

“When did he leave?” Kurt asks.

“I dunno. Like not even two minutes ago,” Puck replies.

~~~~~

A moment of Puck

What. The. Hell.

That wasn’t fucking fair, I was just defending Kurt, they all should have thanked me for being all, what’s that word Rachel uses....chivalrous and shit. And maybe I was harsh to the guy, but Kurt IS usually into douchebags. Seriously, Sebastian? Douche. I figured I’d just explain things right up front and we’d have an understanding.

I didn’t know he was … whatever. He was all twitchy, but I thought that was because he knew I was just speaking the fucking truth.

Fuck this. Where is that guy? It’s almost sex o’clock and Rachel’s going to be holding out on me now.

~~~~~

“I’m going to find him, and you’re going to apologize.” Kurt says, menacingly. “Stay right here.”

“And I’m not having sex with you until you say you’re sorry!” Rachel yells to Puck as she heads back to her interrupted shower. (He called that shit.)

Kurt’s phone vibrates a second later.

\-----------

September 20  
@1:22 am  
Blaine: Sorry I had to leave  
Blaine: I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

1:23 am  
Kurt: Are you ok? I know Puck was a jerk to you.  
Kurt: He will be apologizing.

1:25 am  
Blaine: No, I’m fine. No big deal.

1:27 am  
Kurt: Do you want to come back? Or do you want me to meet you somewhere?

1:31 am  
Blaine: No thank you. I just  
Blaine: I really want to go to sleep.

1:32 am  
Kurt: Ok. I’m sorry.

1:34 am  
Blaine: Don’t be. I had fun. It was nice to hang out with you like that. To actually *talk* to you.

1:42 am  
Kurt: It was  
Kurt: But now I’m worried about all the things you aren’t saying.

1:56 am  
Kurt: Blaine?

1:57 am  
Blaine: There’s always something I’m not saying.

1:58 am  
Kurt: Can you tell me what it is right now?

2:03 am  
Blaine: I think you think that I’m upset because Puck insulted me or something, when really I’m just overwhelmed. By everything.  
Blaine: Every time I think that you actually... like me I just get scared  
Blaine: And I’m nervous because I don’t know how to act around you and I’m scared because I don’t know why you want me around. I’m just waiting for you to get tired of me.  
Blaine: And I don’t think Puck owes me an apology. He was just being your friend.  
Blaine: This isn’t about what Puck said at all. I mean, sure he’s intimidating, but I left because I was just... overwhelmed. And scared.

2:07 am  
Kurt: I don’t really know how to act around you either. Partly because I’ve been trying really hard NOT to overwhelm you and partly because I like you and I’m trying to be cool too.  
Kurt: But I’ve liked you for a long time  
Kurt: I would say … from pretty much that night you told me that you’re not proud of how you’re not always yourself.  
Kurt: There was something about how frank and open you were and I just thought “This guy. He’s special.”  
Kurt: I’m not wrong Blaine. You are special.  
Kurt: But your mistrust will get old eventually.  
Kurt: Contrary to what you believe, you aren’t the only one with insecurities. I mean yours are bigger and harder to ignore, but I don’t always know what I’m doing either.  
Kurt: The beginning of any relationship is nerve wracking.

2:10 am  
Blaine: I really don’t want to make you feel insecure.  
Blaine: When you feel insecure or think that I’m not really interested  
Blaine: Picture me at speech twice a week, trying to learn to string a couple of sentences together. For you.  
Blaine: And I don’t mean that like “oh poor Blaine” just like it’s hard for me. But I’m trying.  
Blaine: Even when you can’t see me. I’m trying.

2:13 am  
Kurt: And there you go being endearing again.  
Kurt: I like you. I want to hang out with you. I want to earn your trust. I hope this is enough for you. I hope that you finally understand. I thought you already did understand.

2:16 am  
Blaine: I like you too.  
Blaine: And I do trust you even if it doesn’t seem like it.  
Blaine: And thank you.  
Blaine: Tonight was... a lot to take in.  
Blaine: It’s just. No one has ever liked me before. Not “liked” me. Never. I don’t even really like me. And you’re like perfect. And I’m like … just Blaine.

2:19 am  
Kurt: I’m not perfect.  
Kurt: And you’ve never been “just Blaine” to me.  
Kurt: ONE MORE TIME  
Kurt: I LIKE YOU.  
Kurt: A LOT.  
Kurt: Now, go to sleep.

2:20 am  
Blaine: I like you a lot, too.  
Blaine: G’night Kurt :)

2:21 am  
Kurt: Night Blaine :D

~~~~~

Blaine works up the nerve to walk over to the coffee shop the next day. He can’t really think about going to Kurt’s yet, so he’s making it a process. And the first step is to go to the coffee shop. He sits at one of the outdoor tables for a minute, debating what the next step in his process is, when someone behind him says his name. Blaine turns in his chair.

Puck.

Shit.

His voice is suddenly in Boca Raton for the winter, so he nods his head in greeting. Puck apparently takes that as an invitation to sit across from Blaine.

“No coffee?” Puck questions.

“Uh. Just,” debating, nope, thinking, nope, considering might work, “ccconsidering my order.” (not bad.)

Blaine eyes Puck warily.

Puck bobs his head and lets out a breath. “Listen I’m sorry for being a shithead to you. Rachel and Kurt really did say you were cool and. Like. I kind of zoned out while Rachel was telling me the whole story of you guys so I missed the part where you stopped being a dick so, yeah... I’m sorry and all."

Blaine’s sort of surprised and intrigued by how uncomfortable Puck looks. If there’s something Blaine truly understands it’s discomfort.

“Ok. Um, th-th-thanks.”

Puck just bobs his head again and moves to stand up.

“Uh, wait, wait. I-I think you’re a good friend fffffor say-say-saying that st-stuff to mah-mah-me. I-I-I wish, I wish I had a fffffriend who d-d-defended me like that. Kurt’s l-l-l-lucky.”

Puck leans back in his chair and crosses his arms and gives Blaine a quick once over with his eyes, the slightest smile playing on his lips. “Damn. You’re like, really into him.”

“I am,” Blaine agrees, suddenly feeling like a weight has been lifted.

“S’cool. We all kind of took care of him in high school. He had a shitty time and I just... watch out for him, ya know? But can I get you a coffee? Make it up to you? Princess Berry wants some kind of frozen hazelshit something. Luckily I texted it to myself.”

Blaine laughs at this and heads into the coffee place with Puck.

“You should know,” Puck says, as they stand in line. “You do have a friend like that. Apparently your boy Matt had a talk with Kurt last night, too.”

Blaine immediately begins planning to assault Matt while he’s sleeping. Like a ninja.

\----------

September 20  
@ 3:45 pm  
Kurt: Sorry I couldn’t hang out very long.

3:48 pm  
Blaine: That’s ok. Mostly I just wanted to see you and make sure you weren’t mad at me.  
Blaine: and bring you coffee if you *were* mad at me

3:50 pm  
Kurt: Good move with the coffee, it does tend to soothe the savage beast.  
Kurt: Do you think maybe you’re less scared now?

3:53 pm  
Blaine: Honestly? I’m probably going to be a little scared, at least for a while, until I get used to “this.”

3:55 pm  
Kurt: Ok. I understand that.  
Kurt: Just, please don’t run away ok?  
Kurt: Even if Puck is being an asshole or you’re scared or overwhelmed.  
Kurt: Maybe you could try to tell me, instead of running away?

3:59 pm  
Blaine: Yes. I can do that. For you.

4:01 pm  
Kurt: Good. I want “this” to work.

4:02 pm  
Blaine: me too. :)   
Blaine: Are you guys still on the train?

4:04 pm  
Kurt: Yeah, Rachel’s asleep. She spent a vast majority of last night yelling at Puck.  
Kurt: We’re going to be there soon though. 

4:05 pm  
Blaine: I’m lucky he didn’t kick my ass when he saw me today, if that’s how he spent his night.

4:06 pm  
Kurt: He really is just weirdly over protective of me. It’s dumb, but you get used to it.  
Kurt: They just announced we’re almost in New Haven. I better wake Rachel up.

4:07 pm  
Blaine: Yeah, that’s cool. I have to go kick Matt’s ass for giving you “a talk” last night anyway.

4:08 pm  
Kurt: Who told you!??!!?

4:09 pm  
Blaine: Puck

4:11 pm  
Kurt: DAMN HIM. Make sure you explain to Matt that I didn’t tell you! I kept my mouth shut!! It’s not my fault you’re going to stab him while he sleeps!

4:12 pm  
Blaine: I’ll be sure to let him know, while I’m stabbing him in his sleep.  
Blaine: have fun Kurt!

4:13 pm  
Kurt: I’ll talk to you this week!


	5. Chapter 5

To: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
From: k.hummel@nyu.edu  
Date: Tues, Sept 23, 10:48 am  
Subject: Courting

Dear Mr. Anderson-

I am contacting you with regards to the upcoming weekend. I feel as though I have been remiss in properly courting you. It is my hope that you would be interested in some type of consort this Saturday evening. I am woefully busy this week, or I would try to set something up sooner. I’m sorry to tell you I won’t even be available for our regularly scheduled piano lesson tomorrow due to an unavoidable meeting with my advisor.

In any event, the activity will be determined by me, but you will get a final say in the plan. As soon as I come up with a plan.

Sincerely,  
Mr. Kurt Hummel

PS Insert blushing font.

~~~~~

To: k.hummel@nyu.edu  
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
Date: Tues, Sept 23, 2:03 pm  
Subject: Re: Courting

Dear Mr. Hummel

Insert following fonts:

blushing  
I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY  
giggling  
I FEEL REALLY SILLY THAT I’M THIS EXCITED  
smiling  
dancing  
happiness

End font inserts.

Please take me on a date. I honestly don’t care where we go.

Yours truly,  
Dr. Blaine Anderson, DDM

PS I have no idea why I’m impersonating a dentist. I just wanted some letters after my name.

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt  
Date: Tues, Sept 23, 2:08 pm  
Subject: Re: Courting

But why a dentist?

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt  
Date: Tues, Sept 23, 2:17 pm  
Subject: Re: Courting

Why NOT a dentist???

HMMM???

I totally win this round.

~~~~~

September 23rd  
@ 10:48 pm  
Kurt: How do you feel about carnivals?

10:49 pm  
Blaine: I like them? I guess? How much information do you want/need?

10:52 pm  
Kurt: I mostly just wanted to make sure you don’t hate them.

10:53 pm  
Blaine: Nope don’t hate them. Although I guess this isn’t the text where you ask me to run away and become a carny with you. I’ll just have to keep waiting for that one.

10:54 pm  
Kurt: We could be carnies. That might be fun. Maybe we could have some type of dog training act. Poodles. Top hats.  
Kurt: RINGS OF FIRE.  
Kurt: How do you do that? Make me go off on weird tangents like that?  
Kurt: ANYWAY. Would you like to go to one on Saturday? I keep seeing signs and I’m a bit of a carnival ride junky.  
Kurt: Tilt-a-whirl, Scrambler, etc.

10:55 pm  
Blaine: I could be down with that  
Blaine: Sounds fun!

\----------

To: Kurt, From: Blaine  
Date: Wed, Sept 24, 4:17 pm  
Subject: but what if...

We could breed and raise the poodles ourselves! And train them. I’ll start researching this.

But I’m kind of afraid of fire, so maybe we can just use hula hoops?

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt  
Date: Wed, Sept 24, 8:01 pm  
Subject: Re: but what if...

We could breed and raise the poodles. But I don’t know much about poodle raising either. Or dog training in general. 

What about the top hats though? We should wear top hats, obviously, but how does one convince a poodle (that will undoubtedly be poorly trained since we’re both completely uneducated in dog training) to wear a top hat? Maybe they don’t need top hats?

Don’t worry about the ring of fire. I’ll take care of that part. You won’t have to go anywhere near it. We could use hula hoops if you’re really that afraid, though I worry that might be anticlimactic for our audience.

~~~~~

To: Kurt, From: Blaine  
Date: Wed, Sept 24, 10:29 pm  
Subject: Re: but what if...

Really, Kurt? You don’t see the solution to the top hat conundrum? That’s what elastic is made for! Seriously, I’m pretty sure elastic was invented for the sole purpose of securing top hats to poodles. They’re going to look so cute! And they’ll be well trained. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands this week to study both poodle breeding and training. 

I’m a little afraid of the ring of fire still, but as long as you’ll protect me, I’ll be fine. :)

~~~~~

To: Blaine, From: Kurt  
Date: Thurs, Sept 25, 12:54 am  
Subject: Re: but what if...

You make me smile even after the longest day in the world. I literally just got home from a group project meeting and I wanted to kill everyone there. I have no idea why professors assign things like this. I don’t want to collaborate! I just want to go to sleeeeeep.

I’ve never heard of “elastic.” Tell me more, sounds fascinating.

I’ll always protect you, Blaine.

~~~~~

To: Kurt, From: Blaine  
Date: Thurs, Sept 25, 12:08 pm  
Subject: Re: but what if...

You make me smile too Kurt. 

I hate group projects. I just feel sort of useless in them. I actually haven’t had to do any in college, but I had a teacher in high school who was addicted to group work and it was AWFUL. Torturous for everyone involved.

And sarcasm, how shocking coming from you.

(blushing font) Thank you for protecting me. (end blushing font)

\----------

September 25th  
11:01 pm  
Kurt: but what if the poodles also had capes

11:54 pm  
Blaine: OMG. That would be adorable.

~~~~~

September 26th  
12:02 pm  
Kurt: Today is round three of the longest day on earth.  
Kurt: work, class, Teen Vogue office party  
Kurt: I’m looking forward to the party part  
Kurt: but it’s just going to take foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

12:08 pm  
Blaine: You can do it!  
Blaine: Just remember that tomorrow we’re going to become carnies!

12:13 pm  
Kurt: Blaine. I hate to break the news to you like this.  
Kurt: But we’re not going to become carnies tomorrow.  
Kurt: Our application was rejected by the Carnies of America.

12:16 pm  
Blaine: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooo!  
Blaine: I’m so sad.  
Blaine: why did you get my hopes up!!!???

12:21 pm  
Kurt: They were my hopes too!  
Kurt: hopes dashed. sadness for everyone involved.  
Kurt: but we can still go to the carnival!

12:35 pm  
Blaine: Alright. Fine.  
Blaine: If we’re not actually going to become carnies, I could just attend a carnival  
Blaine: And try to be satisfied.

~~~~~

September 27th  
1:02 am  
Blaine: what the hell am I going to do with all of this poodle sperm I bought on the internet?

11:33 am  
Kurt: Did you drunk text me about poodle sperm last night?

11:37 am  
Blaine: Blaine no en casa.   
Blaine: Poodle sperm es muy viejo y loco.  
Blaine: (in case you can’t tell, I don’t actually speak Spanish.)

11:41 am  
Kurt: well that’s good, because if you bought very old and crazy poodle sperm on the internet I would highly recommend you return it.  
Kurt: I’ll see you at 6!

11:53 am  
Blaine: also, the answer is yes.   
Blaine: I did drunk text you about poodle sperm last night.

12:33 pm  
Kurt: I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a drunk text without typos.

1:01pm  
Blaine: Thank you. I’ll add that to my resume.   
Blaine: “Can compose drunk texts without any typos.”

1:03 pm  
Kurt: I think that would be a particularly good skill for a teacher.

6:01 pm  
Kurt: Here!

6:03 pm  
Blaine: Leaving my room now.  
Blaine: You should know that at some point during this afternoon I fell into a serious state of ennui.  
Blaine: Everything else in my life seems bleak now compared to the broken promise of poodles and top hats and rings of fire.

6:04 pm  
Kurt: It’s gonna be ok, little buddy. We’ll help each other through it.

~~~~~

Kurt’s waiting outside Blaine’s building as Blaine comes out the door.

“I’m nah-not little,” Blaine pouts in greeting.

“I know. It’s just a term of endearment.”

“I’m almost average. Just th-th-this ssside of average.” Blaine is nodding vigorously to underscore this. “If we l-l-lived in Argentina or Turkey I w-would bbbe exactly average.”

“Good to know, perhaps someday you can relocate internationally to live amongst your smaller statured brethren.” Kurt gives Blaine’s back a quick rub at they start walking down the street.

“You look very nice this evening,” Kurt says as he takes in Blaine’s light blue button down shirt, sleeves rolled neatly, dark jeans and often present boat shoes.

“Th-thank you, as you dah-dddo you,” Blaine replies courteously. Kurt took his look down a notch for carnival rides and is wearing well fitted jeans with a striped three quarter sleeved t-shirt.

“I kind of keep meaning to ask you something. But I don’t want to make you feel weird,” Kurt says as the boys move out of the way of other pedestrians. “So I figured I’d just get it out of the way at the beginning of our first official date.”

“I-I-I almost always ffffeel kind of ww-ww-weird,” Blaine says with a smirk.

“Are you ok, with like, being out? I mean, you really just started telling people you were gay and I just don’t want to do anything that might make you feel uncomfortable in public.”

“Oh! Oh God, no! I-I-I’m nn-nah-not uncomfortable about … that at all,” Blaine says.

“About ‘that’” Kurt finger quotes.

Blaine rolls his eyes. “I was, was, was trying to avoid a b-word. I was just trying not to sssstutter. I’m nnn-not uncomfortable about bb-bb-bbbbb-be-be-being out. Ok? Not uncomfortable.”

“Alright, alright, I believe you,” Kurt says as they start to walk. “So it’s ok if I do this?” He asks as he takes Blaine’s hand.

“Yes. I-I-I like that,” Blaine ducks his head. “Mmmmmakes me … happy.”

“I’m feeling whimsical. How do you feel about ice cream for dinner?” Kurt asks.

“I’m nah-not opposed to wh-wh-whimsy.”

“This new place just opened and everyone at work won’t shut up about it. I mean, we could wait and get whatever at the carnival, but I really want ice cream all of a sudden.”

“I heard we, we, we could do bb-bah-bah-both ice cream AND carnival f-food.”

“Blaine, you are a genius,” Kurt says.

Blaine starts whistling quietly while they walk. Kurt can’t help but stare at his lips.

Suddenly he finds himself saying “I’ve been thinking that at some point in the future I’d like to kiss you. But if you’re not ok with that, just let me know. I don’t want to make you tense or nervous or anything. It doesn’t have to be tonight, but I was thinking sometime soon. I just thought I’d put it out there. For you and the universe. Just letting you know that it’s in the works. I’m hatching a plan. Just so you know. Now I’m rambling.”

Blaine whistles a few happy notes, smiles and squeezes Kurt’s hand a little tighter, hoping that Kurt understands that to be the “all clear for kissage” signal that he means it to be.

The boys arrive at the ice cream shop and it’s crowded and noisy, which is really the only way ice cream shops should be on glorious late September evenings. Blaine orders a simple vanilla cone and Kurt is aghast, “No sprinkles even? No chocolate dip? What is this madness?”

Blaine laughs and turns back to the girl at the counter and says “Wwwwith chocolate sp-sp-sprinkles, please.” One of the best parts of spending time with Kurt is that he really doesn’t seem to mind when Blaine stutters.

He’s noticed time and again, particularly with his father, people don’t seem to know where to look when Blaine stutters while ordering in a restaurant or talking to a counter person. These are normal events for Blaine and he doesn’t let it phase him (unless it’s really bad, like the coffee ordering incident from last month), mostly he just wants to get it over with. But when his dad is there, he averts his gaze and generally just acts weird, sometimes wandering away altogether, which makes things that much harder for Blaine.

But Kurt doesn’t look away. Just now, when Blaine stuttered while ordering, Kurt didn’t look away. When Blaine shot a sideways glance at him, he was surprised to find Kurt looking at him, not worried or concerned, but sort of fondly.

As they walk out of the ice cream shop, Kurt locates a bench for them to sit on, telling Blaine “It’s too hard to walk and eat a chocolate sundae.”

They’re quiet for a moment and suddenly Blaine spews forth “I’m nah-not wah-wah-worried about kissing. It’s one of the things mmmmmy mah-mah-mouth is good at!” He then face palms because it’s pretty much the dorkiest (and weirdly sexual) things he could have possibly said at the moment. He also said it much too loudly.

“Jeez, was that a proposition, Blaine?” Kurt giggles. Kurt actually giggles. And blushes. Blaine just made Kurt giggle and blush.

“You’re bah-bah-blah-blushing like a sssssschoolgirl Kurt.”

“It happens to the best of us Blaine. You’re not exactly pasty at the moment either. I would call you a decidedly attractive shade of crimson.”

They eat their ice cream in silence for a few minutes after that. It’s not a bad silence, although it’s not quite a comfortable silence, as each of them considers and weighs their options.

Kurt really doesn’t want to overwhelm Blaine tonight, and he’s pretty sure he’ll just kiss him goodnight.

Blaine is in a heavy debate with himself about just manning up and kissing Kurt right here on this very bench.

When they finish the last of their ice cream, they wander the streets until they catch the scent of popcorn and cotton candy. They make their way onto the crowded lot and Kurt is soon in line getting them tickets for some rides. Blaine thinks Kurt’s enthusiasm for carnival rides is really quite endearing, to steal one of Kurt’s favorite adjectives.

They take a ride on the Scrambler, careening into each other as the ride rotates. It’s fun and awkward and exhilarating. Pretty much exactly what they needed to ease whatever tension might have been left between them. They disembark the ride laughing and dizzily bumping into each other.

“Alright, your choice now. What’s next?”

“Ummm,” Blaine inhales deeply. The sun has dipped below the horizon and he knows the best (also, most romantic) place to be right now would be the ferris wheel. F’s don’t seem to be working at the moment though, so instead he tips his chin in the direction of the ride.

“Uggggggghhhh, the ferris wheel?” Kurt laments.

“Afraid of heights?” No blocks, no false starts, it’s Blaine’s best sentence of the day. Though it’s really just a fragment, says the small loser voice. Oh shut the fuck up, says a new confident voice. Blaine briefly worries that he has multiple personalities.

“I don’t mind heights, but I do fear falling to my death from a ride constructed by non-union day laborers with a vendetta against their foreman.”

“You l-l-l-l-lead a rah-rrrich inner life. You lllike the other rrrr-rides.”

“It’s always so creaky at the top! But alas, it’s your choice, so we’ll go on the dumb ferris wheel.” Kurt says it begrudgingly, but Blaine has a feeling he really doesn’t mind. They stand in line for about 15 minutes as the other riders load and unload. They finally get locked into a car and go right to the top. Where the ride stops, because a woman lost her shoe getting on and a child is currently having a tantrum because he doesn’t want to get off.

“And of course, we’re stuck at the top while a brouhaha occurs below.”

“Just rr-rr-relax,” Blaine says.

“Yeah, right,” Kurt can’t stop glancing around and startling at every little creak or sound the ride makes.

“I-I-I could ppp-ppp-protect you,” Blaine says glancing at Kurt through his eyelashes.

“Oh really? How do you propose to do that?”

Blaine gestures for Kurt to lean back in the car and then he puts his arm around him. He tightens his arm around Kurt’s shoulders and Kurt can’t help but snuggle into Blaine’s side.

And he does suddenly feel a little safer.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

As I watch him look out into the distance, I can’t help but think that he’s everything hopeful and innocent and beautiful in this world.

I’m awfully lucky to have found him.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine

Fuck this. I’m kissing him.

~~~~~

So Blaine does kiss Kurt.

It’s long and deep and Blaine pours all of his feelings into it.

Needless to say, Kurt forgets to be scared.

About ten minutes later, as they step off the ride, Kurt realizes Blaine hasn’t said anything since before they kissed. Kurt grabs Blaine’s arm and pulls him out of the way of the other disembarking passengers. “Hey, are you ok?”

Three blinks, nod, lip twitch, shy smile.

“You’re quite proud of yourself aren’t you?”

Three blinks, nod, lip twitch, shit-eating grin.

“Good God, you’re adorable.”

Blaine laughs loudly as Kurt pulls him in for another kiss.

~~~~~

September 28th  
@ 12:06 am  
Kurt: What are you doing online?  
Blaine: I didn’t realize I was signed in  
I was just checking late, late movie times for Matt  
He’s trying to “woo” a girl in our dorm  
Kurt: how’s that going for him?  
I’ve been trying to woo someone myself lately  
Perhaps I could get some pointers from Matt  
Blaine: I can tell you with confidence that your wooing techniques are top notch  
What are you doing online?  
I thought you were going to meet up with some peeps  
Kurt: I was and then they decided to just stay home (Rachel) and come over (Puck)  
Blaine: ah ok.  
I had fun tonight  
Kurt: me too  
you could come over  
Rachel doesn't bite  
Blaine: LOL  
I know  
I just don't want to be too clingy  
Scare you off or something  
Kurt: I don't see that being a problem  
sigh  
I have to tell you something  
Blaine: oh god, I'm already too clingy?  
Kurt: no Blaine.  
Heel.  
Blaine: did you just give me a dog command?  
Kurt: yes. sorry.  
Blaine: s'ok  
I think I needed it  
Kurt: I got into the study abroad program  
for next semester, in Paris  
I've always really wanted to go  
and I applied before you were ... anything  
And I just found out when I got today’s mail  
Blaine: oh...  
THAT'S AWESOME!  
I totally get it  
I’ll miss you  
and it will put a damper on our burgeoning relationship  
Kurt: did you really just use the word burgeoning?  
Blaine: yes, yes i did.  
and now so did you! :D  
I’m probably going to have to start clinging now  
Kurt: do you want to come over?  
Blaine: only if you promise to protect me from Rachel’s boyfriend.  
Kurt: of course. :)  
Blaine: see you in 20.  
Kurt: wait one sec  
I thought you and Puck were “bros”  
Blaine: did he say that!?  
I mean  
(cool guy font) yeah we are totally bros (end cool guy font)  
But um, he still scares the shit out of me.


	6. Chapter 6

A Moment of Blaine’s Mom

I was surprised when the phone rang. I was even more surprised when I saw who was calling.

“Blaine?”

“Hi... Mah-mom.”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah. I, uh, just wah-wanted to te-te-te-te-tell you … sssssomething.”

“Ok. But you’re ok? You’re not hurt?”

“No, no, Mom.”

I hear him sigh and swallow, and knowing how much he hates talking on the phone, I can easily picture his face. “You didn’t have to call Blaine, you know you can always email or text.”

I hear a few deep breaths and I want to reach through the phone and hug him for how hard he tries. I want to squeeze him for how hard he’s working right now and every day and his whole life.

“No. I wwwanted to tell you ss-ss-ss-something. I-I-I mmm-met a guy. I-I-I want-want-wanted you to know.”

“A guy, Blaine? Like a friend? Or like a boyfriend?”

“Yes. A b-b-b-bah-bah-boy-boy... yes. Like that. I-I-I-I think. I-I-I … hope.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you, bud. What’s his name?”

“Kurt. I mmmmet him in mmmy online class and then we, we, we, we mmm-met in real life. And I wah-wanted you to know. I wah-wanted to tell you, to tell you about him.”

We talk for a few more minutes. Blaine tells me a bit more about Kurt, about the date they went on the night before. After that, he tells me about speech therapy and about his classes and about the kids at work. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him so happy. I can hear his smile.

I don’t want to get off the phone with him, hearing his voice makes me miss him so much.  
When we do hang up, I can’t help but cry a little. That was my boy on the phone. Telling me he’s happy, that he’s found someone that makes him happy.

I had started to wonder if I would ever hear him that happy.

~~~~~

After the night at the carnival and Kurt’s revelation about study abroad, the boys carve any minute they can find in their day for each other. They’re both busy, with varying schedules, but they work hard to see each other most days. Like on Tuesdays, Kurt walks over to the school where Blaine works and meets him. They eat the fastest dinner on earth together, usually pizza, standing up and then Blaine walks Kurt to his night class.

And there’s always Wednesday afternoons in the piano room. They attempt to do other things, but there’s not enough time, and they have more fun if they hang out together for 40 minutes by the piano, rather than trying to get lunch or something. Sometimes after Kurt’s late classes, he’ll meet Blaine at the library to study. They don’t talk much about Kurt’s semester abroad. It’s far away and abstract, but they know it’s looming and they both make the effort to spend time together while they can.

They spend most of their weekends together, but not always alone. Puck and Rachel are almost always around and Matt. And lately if Matt’s around Kerry is too. It seems like the wooing is over and the relationship has begun. Just like Blaine and Kurt.

Blaine’s life is suddenly full of people and things to do and Kurt. And happiness. It’s like happiness is a tangible object that he carries around with him. He smiles more, he sings in the shower, he makes more friends in class, he worries less about his stutter than he ever has in his whole life.

Telling his mom about Kurt was one of the best ideas he ever had. Coming clean like that, being up front, made him feel like he could do anything he wanted. The next time he calls home, his father answers and actually brings up Kurt to Blaine. He doesn’t say much on the subject, only a brief “So your mother tells me you’re seeing someone. That’s good, here talk to her.” But it’s something. And Blaine doesn’t have to hide.

~~~~~

During everything else that was happening in Blaine’s life, he had also been eyeing a certain project in one of his classes, specifically an oral presentation in his human development class the first week in October.

This class is slightly larger than most of his classes, closer to 100 students in it, making it easy to fade into the back row. He hadn’t bothered to go see the professor at office hours about his speech. Though he learned quickly during his first year of college that it was always better to approach his professors before being called on in class and having them assume he wasn’t paying attention when he doesn’t answer in a normal amount of time, it didn’t seem necessary in such a large lecture.

But when he realized the oral presentation was quickly approaching, he knew he needed to go see the professor. She always seemed nice enough in class.

Several days before the presentation, Blaine knocks on the door jam of her office and she looks up with a smile.

“Hi! You must be Blaine.” Though he’s feeling braver lately, he did send her an email, explaining his situation a bit and that he wanted to discuss his presentation with her.

He nods his head and smiles back.

She stands up and shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you. Please call me Natalie. Have a seat.”

“Sure.”

“So, tell me what your reservations are.”

“Um, the usual. Just www-www-what I ww-worry about. Uh, p-p-p-people not listening or l-l-laughing. I guess I-I-I wanted your advice. If I-I-I should mm-mm-meh-meh-mention my speech at the b-b-b-buh-ginning.”

“I think that’s a good idea, especially if it’ll make you more comfortable.”

“It usually dah-does.”

“Then I’m all for it. What else?”

“I-I-I rr-recently ssstarted going to a spa-spa-speech therapist again for the ffffirst time in a l-l-long time, so um, like, I wwwwas going to ask him to help me, me, me, me, wwith the presentation, if that’s ok. Nnnnot write it, just help with the actual, you know, ss-ss-peech part.”

“I don’t see any reason why it would be a problem. I know this won’t be easy for you, so honestly Blaine, whatever makes it more manageable. I’m really impressed that you aren’t begging to get out of it.”

Blaine shrugs and shakes his head. “Mmmmight as well try. I-I-I-I need to talk if I’m gonna bbbbbbbe a teacher.”

“They all want to be teachers too, Blaine. You realize that right?”

“Yes.”

“Even if they’re not patient people right now, they’re going to have to learn a lot about patience in the next few years. And they’re going to have to learn to listen to what children, and people in general, say and not how they say it.”

“Yes.”

“So really, you’re kind of a good learning tool for me,” she says. And getting a cue from the face he just made, she continues, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to use you as a lesson or anything. I won’t draw any more attention to you. But try not to be so nervous about it, ok? I think you’re going to do fine.”

“Th-th-thank you.” He says in relief.

“I’m glad you came to talk to me about this, Blaine. I could tell there was something holding you back in class. You always looked so engaged, but you never had anything to say.”

“St-st-story of mmmmy l-l-life.”

~~~~~

On the day of his presentation, Blaine feels ready. And nervous, but mostly ready. He and Chad worked on finding the right words. Chad didn’t let Blaine water down the meaning in the least. It’s a good presentation, a solid look at the subject and Blaine hopes that’s enough.

Blaine and Chad also came up with a strategy, where if given the opportunity, Blaine would volunteer to go first and get it over with. This way he wouldn’t have to spend the entire class period worrying. He would be able to get it over with and then try to relax when he was done. 

“Alright, who’s up first? Any takers?” Natalie says as she gets class started.

Blaine’s hand shoots up before he can think any further about it and the next thing he knows he’s at the podium, giving his presentation.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine’s Professor

Wow.

I’m very, very impressed with him. I don’t think he even realizes how well he’s doing. It’s so rare to find a student who’s actually interested in what they’re talking about.

And maybe it’s the mom in me, but even if this completely sucked, I would totally give this kid an A+++++++++ for showing up and doing something that obviously made him uncomfortable. Truth be told, I would have totally let him out of this presentation, if he’d asked. But I certainly wasn’t going to offer, particularly once I saw how determined he was.

He has great emphasis. I think kids will really take to that. I mean, taking a quick look around this room and there are only like 5 losers (yes, losers, they’re losers if they’re ignoring this kid) not paying attention. Even I usually have 10 that are sleeping, so he’s doing something right.

The way he uses his gestures, facial expressions and body language to really get his point across makes me feel like he would be great at sign language. I wonder if he’s ever considered it. It’s such a marketable skill for teachers.

I wonder if he has an advisor...

I touch his arm as he passes and I smile what I hope is my most reassuring smile, I don’t need him panicking for the next hour, and ask him to stay for a few minutes after class.

I can see in his eyes it wouldn’t matter how reassuring I was, he still assumes the worst.

~~~~~

In what seems like a blink, Natalie is giving him the “time’s up” signal and Blaine is back at his desk. Slightly shaky, a little sweaty, but no worse for the wear. He thought he actually did quite well, though as he walked past, Natalie touched his arm and asked him to stay to talk to her for a minute after class. That didn’t thrill him, but at least the presentation is over.

He hangs back a few minutes and then approaches her.

“Did I-I-I dah-dd-do ssssomething wrong?” Blaine asks.

Natalie looks surprised. “Not in the least. That was a fantastic presentation. Everyone was really listening.”

“They were?” She can tell that makes Blaine almost as nervous as the presentation itself did.

“Yeah, they really were. But I wanted to ask you something. Have you ever considered learning sign language?”

“Be-be-be-because … my, my, my speech is so bbbbad?” Blaine asks, with such a confused and downtrodden look on his face. “Mmmmaybe I shouldn’t talk? Anymore?”

“No Blaine! That’s not it at all. You really do know how to find the negative don’t you?”

“It’s a ttttalent,” Blaine responds with a knowing head bob.

“I only mention it because I think you might be really good at signing. You already use so much of your body when you communicate, your hands, your eyes, your facial expressions. While your mouth works hard, your body works harder. You get your point across even when words escape you.”

“I do?” His face is suddenly so open, so inquisitive and so very relieved.

“You do. It’s quite impressive and I think it’s something you might want to explore. You could minor in it. It’s actually a great skill for teachers to have, incredibly useful. And I really do think you’d be remarkable at it.”

“Huh. It sssssounds kind of cool.”

Natalie smiles at him then, and decides to ask the question that had been niggling at the back of her brain since Blaine showed up at her office hours last week.

“Why do you want to be a teacher, Blaine?”

“Um. Well, I-I-I lllike kids and I’m pp-pp-pretty good at talking to, to, to, uh them.”

“Anything else?”

He draws in a breath and trains his eyes on his hands, but decides he can do this, he can say what he needs to say while he maintains eye contact, so he looks up. “Yeah. I dd-dd-dd-didn’t always have the mmm-most … compassionate teachers. However, the ones who were kind rr-rr-really mmmmattered to me and they really may-may-made a difference. And ss-ss-someday I’d like to may-make a ddd-ddd-difference, for a kid like mmmme.”

Natalie nods her head, encouragingly, somehow knowing, inferring, there’s something else he wants to say.

“Kids who have pppproblems, not just with their ss-ss-ss-speech, bb-bb-but um, any kind of problem, ss-ss-sometimes they get ssssskipped over, cause it’s easier to, to, to turn away. I wah-wah-want to, uh, be there and mmmmake sure that ssssomeone looks out for them, too. Be-be-be-because everyone is worth it. Every kid is worth it.” He feels like he got awfully emotional during that little speech. He hopes Natalie can’t tell. But he really believes in this, he really believes in helping kids. (And he seriously can’t wait to tell Chad that he told his professor all of this while actually looking her directly in the eye.)

He waits for Natalie to say something, to maybe even tell him he’s being a bit dramatic or that she’s sure all of his teachers were wonderful people with good hearts. What she does say takes him by complete surprise and makes him very happy.

“Do you have an advisor, Blaine? Because if you don’t I would be honored if you’d let me be yours.”

He didn’t have an advisor, but he does now.

~~~~~

Kurt makes a point of meeting Blaine after his Human Development class the day of his presentation. He finds a seat on a bench across the courtyard from the classroom building. He watches for Blaine amongst the groups of people that come out. But he’s not there. Kurt finally spots Blaine about 10 minutes after the class ended. Head down, shoulders hunched, hands pocketed, his face stoic. Blaine against the world. In barely a month’s time, Kurt had almost forgotten about this Blaine. He takes one more second to watch him from afar and then calls “Blaine!”

Blaine looks up cautiously, but when his eyes land on Kurt, the mask he was wearing falls away, his face bursting into a smile. He jogs over to Kurt and pauses momentarily and takes a surreptitious glance around, before swooping in to kiss Kurt’s cheek and sits down on the bench next to him.

“Hi,” Blaine says, a bit breathless.

“Hiya. Were you looking for the paparazzi or something?”

“No, I wanted to, uh, uh, uh,” Blaine’s stuck, so Kurt rubs his hand down Blaine’s arm and just waits it out.

“Are you... are you my... bbb-bbb-boyfriend?” Blaine asks, looking at Kurt, his face a picture of innocence. As Blaine was walking out of class, he was thinking that today was such a good day, that he should embrace it and ask Kurt if they’re dating. And then Kurt was there, waiting for him, and the sentence burst out of his mouth.

Kurt’s jaw drops a little, surprised that Blaine would actually have the nerve to bring this up.

“I-I-I’m sorry,” Blaine says, looking away from Kurt. Now he feels dumb. He thought he was getting better at being around Kurt. He thought he could ask him questions like this and that Kurt would always be nice to him about it, even it was awkward. But Kurt isn’t saying anything and Blaine feels like a fool. He should have worded it differently. It’s so dorky. He shouldn’t have asked.

“I-I-I’m sorry. I-I-I shouldn’t have asked. That ww-ww-ww-was weird. I’m ssssssorry.”

“Blaine.”

“I’m sssorry. You ddd-dd-don’t have to answer mmme. I’m ss-ss-so stupid.”

“Blaine.”

“You don’t ww-ww-want to be my bbb-bbb-boy... Obviously. You ww-ww-wouldn’t want to.”

“Blaine.” As Blaine starts to talk again, Kurt puts his hand over his mouth. “Stop. You didn’t even give me a chance to say anything. Of course, I want to be your boyfriend. I am your boyfriend. Do you hear me?” Kurt’s hand is still over Blaine’s mouth. “Nod if you understand.”

Blaine nods and Kurt can feel his mouth crack into a smile.

“Are you better now?” Kurt asks as he pulls his hand away.

“Yes.” Blaine says, his cheeks still stained pink, but looking much less panic stricken.

“Good.”

“I’m glad you’re mmmy, my, … that,” Blaine replies with a smile. “I-I-I told mmmy mom you were and I didn’t www-want it to uh, be, be a lie.”

“You talked to your mom? On the phone?” Kurt raises an eyebrow at Blaine.

“Um, yeah,” Blaine scrunches his nose and can’t quite me Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt gives Blaine’s arm a squeeze. “Well then. I’m very impressed with my boyfriend. But, I was thinking we could call each other something else? Something that isn’t a b-word?” Kurt takes out his phone, “I’ve been keeping a list of possibilities.”

Blaine is taken aback, as usual, by Kurt’s thoughtfulness, his ability to know and say and do exactly what Blaine needs. Kurt shows Blaine the short list in the notes on his phone:

steady  
heartthrob  
dearest  
young man  
fella

“What do you think?” Kurt asks.

“Oh, I-I-I like, uh, all of them,” Blaine answers.

“Um. No. Unacceptable. You pick the one that you’re comfortable SAYING. Even if it’s just what we say to each other.”

“I like fella. I wah-wah-want to call you mmmy fella. It’s so ... old ff-fashioned.”

“I like that one too, fella.” The smile at each other for a minute and Kurt asks again, “So, how did the presentation go, fella?”

“Good, like rr-rr-really good. My professor, uh, asked if I ww-wanted her to be, be, be, be my advisor.”

“Well that’s good. You couldn’t have bombed then. Do you think you talked ok?”

“Yeah. I rr-rr-rreally think I did. It was over really fast and, and, and then, Nnnnatalie, that’s the professor, she asked if I could ss-sss-stay and talk to her after class and she asked mmmme why I www-wah-wanted to bb-bb-be a teacher. She also ss-ss-suggested that mmmaybe I should try learning ss-ss-ss-sign language.”

“Really? Why?”

“She said I use so mmm-mm-many gestures to, to, to, to talk already, that it might be a natural fit for mmme.”

“Huh. I have to agree. I’ve often thought that you say a lot with body language. Your eyes, your hands. I think it’s a really cool idea. Are you going to look into it?

“Yeah, I-I-I think I will.”

“So what’s on your agenda now?”

“Speech. BOOOOO,” Blaine says in a loud, silly voice. “I just www-www-want to hang out ww-ww-with you.”

“I could walk you, but you’d have to stop pouting.” Kurt stands then and holds out his hand to Blaine who takes it and pops up off the bench in a way that makes them both laugh.

“Ok and you can come mm-mm-meet Chad. I think he thinks that I may-may-mm-made you up. Anytime I tt-tt-talk about you he’s like,” here Blaine pauses and changes his facial expression, “Sure Blaine, he sounds like the perfect guy for you.” He says this flawlessly, in a deeper voice and a slight New York accent.

“I find it amazing how when you do impressions you don’t stutter.”

“I love it. Bb-bb-but you can’t l-l-l-live your life impersonating other p-p-p-people.”

“Impersonate me.”

Blaine stops walking and giggles and then affects a completely different posture. “Oh Blaine. you’re so cute and dumb and endearing,” he chimes in a slightly higher voice, again without even the smallest block, not even on his name.

“I don’t talk like that!” Kurt says indignantly. “I don’t sound like that!”

Blaine makes his little half and half hand gesture. “Sssssometimes that’s how you tt-tt-talk to me. But it makes me happy.” He bites his lip because he feels like his smile is growing exponentially and it’s starting to feel like it could split his face open if it gets any bigger.

“I’ve never called you dumb,” Kurt declares.

“I-I-I know, bb-bb-bah-but if you did you’d mmm-mean it in the nicest ww-way possible.” 

“I suppose if it makes you happy then it makes me happy,” Kurt says and the boys continue on their way.


	7. Chapter 7

Oct 13  
2:47 pm  
Kurt: How much would you kill me if I had to cancel tonight?  
  
2:51 pm  
Blaine: Zero. I would kill you zero.  
Blaine: Mostly cause I feel like shit.  
Blaine: I seem to have contracted whatever plague has been go around after care.  
  
2:54 pm  
Kurt: That sounds awesome. and by awesome I mean terrible.  
Kurt: I realized that after procrastinating all weekend  
Kurt: the paper I thought that was due Thursday is actually due tomorrow  
Kurt: all I have are several paragraphs that I just looked over and they suck.  
  
2:56 pm  
Blaine: IM date?  
  
2:57 pm  
Kurt: IM date.  
Kurt: I’ll see you on the internet!  
  
3:04 pm  
Blaine: good, I’m at work right now and then I’ll go home and take a nap.  
Blaine: I’ll be online later, sometime around 8.  
  
3:05 pm  
Kurt: see ya then.  
  
~~~~~  
  
8:54 pm  
Blaine: remember that time I said I was at work and then I was going to take a nap?  
    Soon after that, my boss sent me home sick.  
    So instead I just slept for almost 5 hours.  
Kurt: do you feel better?  
Blaine: yeah about 75% better  
    although I still can’t breathe through my nose  
Kurt: attractive  
Blaine: quite  
    how’s the paper?  
Kurt: in a word- BLERGH  
    Although thanks to your marathon nap, I actually got about 5 pages written  
    (because let’s be honest, I’m not really going to get anything done when I’d rather be talking to you.)  
Blaine: how long does it have to be? (truth.)  
Kurt: 8-10 pages  
    so really 7 and a half  
Blaine: exactly  
    I hate that I fell asleep when it was sunny and woke up in the dark  
    I feel like I time-warped  
    did I miss anything important in the world?  
Kurt: well, it turns out the moon landing was a hoax  
    JFK was killed by the Cubans  
    and Jimmy Hoffa has been living in the Bahamas all this time  
Blaine: I may never nap again  
Kurt: or perhaps you should nap more often so that all of the world’s mysteries will be solved.  
    up next: what happened to Amelia Earhart  
Blaine: no, no, no   
    what I really want to know is where all the socks go when they get lost in the dryer.  
Kurt: How does that compare to finding out what happened to Amelia Earhart?  
Blaine: it doesn’t, but I still want to KNOW  
Kurt: PS I also found out why yawns are contagious, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy  
Blaine: that’s mean. Please tell me.  
Kurt: can’t. sworn to secrecy.  
Blaine. Aw come on Kurt. I NEED TO KNOW.  
Kurt: I know, but SWORN TO SECRECY, so what are ya gonna do?  
Blaine: Punch you in the solar plexus next time I see you?  
    Sorry about that  
    apparently children’s cough syrup makes me violent  
Kurt: Why children’s?  
Blaine: I don’t know. it’s all Matt had.  
    I texted him to bring me home “some of the good stuff”  
    so hopefully he’ll bring me some nyquil a little later on.  
Kurt: you should probably text again and be more specific  
    or else you’ll end up with bourbon and baby aspirin or something  
Blaine: yeahhhhh, good call  
    I should also get him to bring me some chicken  
Kurt: soup, Blaine, chicken soup  
    you don’t need a whole chicken  
Blaine: Kurt. I always need a whole chicken.  
Kurt: What is it about the chicken Blaine?  
Blaine: It soothes me.  
Kurt: nothing more specific than that?  
Blaine: well, when I was little, like 4, 5, 6ish  
    my grandma used to babysit me a couple times a month  
    and there was this rotisserie chicken place she loved by my house  
    that has sadly since closed  
    every time she babysat, we’d always walk to get chicken, because she didn’t drive  
    and then when we got home, we’d just sit around and eat it, not cut it or put it on plates  
    it was my favorite  
    she died when I was 13  
    but her love for chicken lives on  
    DUE TO MY ENDLESS LOVE AND NEED FOR CHICKEN.  
    EAT MORE CHICKEN.  
Kurt: Bravo Blaine. Way to take a really poignant story  
    and turn it into propaganda for the chicken industry  
Blaine: they’re my bros, I do what I can  
Kurt: the chicken industry are you bros?  
Blaine: Yeah, and the Chick-Fil-A cows  
     they’re my homies  
Kurt: I think you need to cut back on the children’s cough syrup  
    are there currently cows in your dorm room  
Blaine: yes  
    but that’s not limited to when I’m taking cough syrup  
Kurt: I’m shaking my head  
Blaine: I knew you were  
    you’re so predictable  
Kurt: Am I allowed to ask how speech is going?  
Blaine: yes you’re allowed to ask  
    and it’s fine  
Kurt: I want to bring it up because even though I’ve met Chad  
    You haven’t mentioned it since then  
    And I don’t want it to be one of those weird things  
    that we never talk about  
    or acknowledge  
    because you’re uncomfortable talking about it  
    but I don’t want you to assume because I never ask that I’m indifferent  
    I’m not indifferent  
    I’m actually really interested  
    I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable  
Blaine: hmm. I get that.  
    is there something specific you want to know?  
Kurt: I don’t know, because I don’t really know much about it  
    you’ve mostly been vague about the whole process  
Blaine: ok, let me think about this for a second.  
    brb  
Kurt: sure  
  
9:48 pm  
Blaine: Back.  
Kurt: you realize I’m not going to let the subject drop  
    if that’s why you brb’d  
Blaine: no, I needed more tissues  
    apparently my nasal cavities just opened up  
Kurt: now that’s HAWT  
Blaine: I figured I’d be brutally honest if you were going to assume my intentions were to divert you from the topic at hand  
Kurt: fine you win  
    because it’s a competition  
Blaine: ok. so here’s the deal. with speech.  
    I like it when you ask about it because it’s on my mind a lot lately  
    and I don’t want to always bring it up  
    because it’s sort of boring  
    and I do feel … shy about it (shocking right!?)  
    and embarrassed about going, about needing to go  
    and it’s not really the most exciting thing in the world  
Kurt: Please don’t be embarrassed about going  
    I think it’s really quite brave of you  
    to go back after all this time  
Blaine: I dunno, I guess it feels like it’s... highlighting my flaws to you  
    like I can’t hide and pretend that there’s nothing wrong with me if I’m going to speech therapy  
Kurt: there’s nothing “wrong” with you Blaine  
Blaine: let’s agree to disagree there Kurt  
    on the other hand  
     I also don’t want to bring it up because I feel like I’m actually making progress  
    but it’s not really noticeable outward progress yet  
    it’s still kind of just... head stuff, like how I *think* about my speech  
    so when you ask how it’s going  
    I don’t want to say “It’s awesome! I’m making progress!”  
    and you to think “Um. Blaine’s crazy if he thinks his speech is getting better.”  
    I don’t know if I’m saying this right  
    do you kind of get what I’m saying?  
Kurt: I think I do  
    however, for starters, I think you’re crazy anyway, so that’s moot  
Blaine: thanks for that  
Kurt: I tease, I tease  
     but even if you don’t feel like it’s noticeable progress, it’s still something that YOU feel  
    and I like hearing about that, about how you feel  
    no matter what topic you might be expressing feelings about  
    because you’re not particularly... forward with your emotions  
Blaine: I know  
    emotions tend to be messy  
    and they’re even messier when I try to *talk* about them  
    but I can usually type about them  
    so maybe if we keep the heavy speech therapy talk to typing?  
Kurt: that might work  
    but I’ll still ask about it sometimes in real life  
    just so you remember that I care  
    and you can just tell me it’s fine  
    Or you can say more than that, but only if you want to  
    only if/when you’re comfortable talking about it  
    and then I can give you a hug  
    no matter what you say or don’t say  
    would that be alright with you?  
Blaine: I like the sound of this plan  
Kurt: me too :)  
Blaine: I can tell you another feeling Kurt  
    you make me happy  
Kurt: you make me happy too Blaine  
Blaine: good, I feel less dorky now that you said it too  
Kurt: now stop trying to change the subject by making me all warm and gooey  
    AND TELL ME SOMETHING SPECIFIC ABOUT SPEECH THERAPY  
Blaine: ugggghhhhhh. fine.  
    let’s see  
    yesterday Chad recorded me while I read aloud  
    which is like TORTURE  
    and then we watch the video and discuss stuff  
    like the eye blinking and the neck jerk thing  
     it’s just like really really embarrassing  
    I have no idea how people can stand to look at me when I stutter  
Kurt: Blaine. Stop judging yourself so harshly.  
    it’s nowhere near as bad as you make it in your head  
Blaine: if you say so...  
    anyway, a lot of what we talk about are basic control techniques  
    relaxed breathing  
    rolling into sentences, pullouts, cancellations  
    voluntary stuttering  
Kurt: I love how you’re rattling this stuff off like I have any idea what you’re talking about  
Blaine: oh um.  
    here:[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuttering_therapy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuttering_therapy)  
    and this:[ http://www.journalofstuttering.com/3-1/TherapyfortheSevereOlderAdolescentandAdultStutterer.pdf](http://www.journalofstuttering.com/3-1/TherapyfortheSevereOlderAdolescentandAdultStutterer.pdf)  
Kurt: you’re sending me a link to wikipedia?  
Blaine: Sure, I mean, they say it pretty well, it’s not perfect, but it’s a good summary  
    Chad and I are using mostly stuttering modification  
    which is what the pdf is about  
Kurt: so what you’re telling me, is that if I claim that I’m interested  
    I should read this stuff  
    and stop bugging you about it  
Blaine: kind of. I mean, you can keep bugging me  
    but these ARE good things for you to read  
    if you really are interested  
    you don’t have to be interested  
Kurt: seriously? You’re still questioning my level of interest  
Blaine: fine. read the damn things. Be interested!  
Kurt: I WILL!!!

10:32 pm  
Blaine: are you actually reading them?  
Kurt: I’m halfway through the wikipedia article  
    I’ll have to save the other one  
    it’s 70 pages  
    and I do have a paper to finish  
    but this is interesting  
Blaine: we may need a new word for interesting  
    I think we’re overusing it  
Kurt: engaging, fascinating, engrossing, riveting  
Blaine: you’re on a roll  
Kurt: you’re my synonym hero, so I’m trying to keep up with you  
Blaine: aw :D  
    so can we be done talking about speech?  
Kurt: I have one other question  
    I keep reading that most people don’t stutter when they whisper  
    do you?  
Blaine: I don’t  
    but I mean, whispering isn’t really an effective way to communicate  
    on a daily basis  
Kurt: you and I could whisper  
Blaine: we could, but it’s just another bandaid and not a real fix  
    but we could whisper sometimes :)  
Kurt: excellent  
    now we can be done with the speech talk  
    thank you for your participation  
Blaine: you’re welcome  
    how’s the paper?  
Kurt: almost done  
    how’s the chicken?  
Blaine: it’s been gone for a long time  
    I miss it. :(  
Kurt: eye rolling font  
Blaine: it’s healing properties are unmatched  
    I now feel 93% better  
Kurt: well then you win  
Blaine: because it’s a competition  
     now that you’ve asked me a question that made me uncomfortable  
    I get to ask you a question that makes *you* uncomfortable  
Kurt: I suppose that’s fair  
Blaine: actually, I’m sort of assuming it makes you uncomfortable  
    since it never really comes up  
     you don’t even have to answer it tonight, if you don’t feel like getting into it  
    but what happened in high school?  
    Puck’s always alluding to some “shitstorm” that happened to you during high school  
Kurt: ooooooh that.  
    this is what happens when people from high school show up later in life  
    damn him  
    Ok. I’ll tell you about it.  
    but I only have the conclusion left of my paper  
    so give me... 15 minutes?  
Blaine: yeah, I’ll go take a shower  
    be back in a few  
Kurt: ok  
  
~~~~~  
  
A moment of Kurt  
  
I feel like I don’t mention often enough how much I’d like to kill Puck.  
  
But Blaine was just really honest with me about a topic that makes him uncomfortable, so it’s really only fair that I tell him about this.  
  
How bad would it be if I water things down a bit?  
  
Not lie, but take it down a few notches.  
  
All in favor of watering down, raise your hand!  
  
[raises hand]  
  
Watering down for the win...  
  
~~~~~  
  
11:27 pm  
Kurt: I’m here.  
    are you?  
  
11:33 pm  
Kurt: guess not

so I’m going to type this out and you can catch up when you return. I came out when I was a sophomore in high school and it wasn’t easy but I had my friends in Glee. My dad was pretty cool about it and I always knew he loved me. I didn’t have any gay friends though, so I felt like there wasn’t anybody who really understood me or anyone I could talk to. I was getting bullied, pretty severely bullied by one of the guys on the football team. And it was like no one was paying attention, no one seemed to care that I was getting pushed around, that I had bruises up and down my arms. I kept thinking there would be a breaking point.

I don’t want to sound crazy, but sometimes I felt like I was waiting for someone who never showed up. I’m not like “new agey” but it always felt like there was supposed to be someone who would help me but they were late. Anyway, this was all sophomore year, into early junior year. My dad had a heart attack and that was awful and everything really sucked.

things kind of got worse and worse, and then Puck found me one day, crying in the locker room. I was so, so embarrassed. I was really tired of getting shoved around and I broke down and I thought I was alone, but I guess Puck heard me. And from then on he made it his mission, *HIS MISSION*, to make sure that no one messed with me anymore. It was actually really annoying at times, but he took a lot of punches for me over the years and things actually did get better.

Then I met Sebastian, who I kind of told you about this summer, and it was nice to just know another out guy. Someone to … make out with and go to my prom with. It wasn’t perfect, but it was an experience.  He was charming (but actually smarmy) and confident (but actually arrogant) and sort of seemed like what I needed at the time. I guess I’m glad it happened in some ways. In other ways, not so much.

Suffice to say my bodyguard Puck always took things a little too... far. But luckily he didn’t end up in prison, or I would feel bad. I’m pretty much rambling. Quite frankly, bring this up again someday face to face and I think I could do a better job with it. There’s a lot more to this story, but I don’t think I can do it justice after writing an 8 page paper. I’m all written out.

  
11:47 pm  
Blaine: hi. :)  
Kurt: welcome back  
Blaine: I’ve been here for awhile but I figured I’d let you type it out.  
     so, like next time we’re together, can I give you a hug?  
Kurt: of course  
    like I said, I don’t mind talking about this again sometime  
    if you’re really interested  
Blaine: oh this game again. :P  
    I’m interested!!!  
    You’re interested!!!  
    we’re engrossed and riveted by each other!!!!!!!  
Kurt: that’s some serious misuse of exclamation points Blaine  
    how would you feel about me calling you Blainers?  
    I constantly want to call you Blainers  
Blaine: I’m fine with that. :)  
    you know what I have to say fascinates me about your high school experience  
    is the fact that Rachel wasn’t with Puck during this whole time  
Kurt: hmm. why?  
Blaine: I guess because I kind of can’t imagine Puck helping you out of the goodness of his heart, not without Rachel nagging him  
    That’s really dickish of me to say.  
    don’t tell him I said that  
Kurt: no you’re right  
    it does kind of go against everything you’d assume about him  
    he really just got it in his head I needed help  
    I was his community service project when he got out of juvie  
Blaine: I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING ABOUT JUVIE!?!?  
Kurt: nope, not a lie  
    and Rachel was with Finn for most of high school  
    so I don’t think she was nagging puck to help me  
    if she was, it’s been kept under wraps all these years  
Blaine: yeah, and where was Finn during all of this?  
    when did his mom and your dad get married?  
Kurt: pretty much in the middle of the “shitstorm”  
    he was around, he helped when he could  
    but I think he was dealing with almost as much shit as I was at that point  
    but his shit was mostly internal  
    I don’t blame him for staying out of it  
    although, I think my dad might  
Blaine: I’m quite fond of you, Kurt Hummel  
    I don’t think I tell you that nearly enough  
Kurt: well thank you very much Blaine Anderson  
    I find spending time with you to be quite palatable  
    which reminds me  
    what are you doing over the four day weekend?  
Blaine: I’m flying home on Friday night for my grandpa’s 80th birthday party on Saturday  
    but I’ll be back late Sunday night  
    Why, do you have a fun idea?????  
Kurt: I’m cooking up a fun idea.  
Blaine: ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO BECOME CARNIES???  
Kurt: let the dream die Blaine.  
    They rejected our application  
    it’s not going to happen  
    we’re not tough enough to be carnies  
Blaine: I could be tough  
    I have a feeling I could grow a GLORIOUS beard  
    maybe I should grow a beard  
    how do you feel about beards Kurt?  
Kurt: I’m not the biggest fan  
    just remember, it’s your face, but I have to kiss it  
    also, tough carnies don’t use words like glorious  
    particularly when describing facial hair  
Blaine: fine, fine  
    so what’s your fun idea?  
Kurt: it’s still cooking. marinating  
Blaine: brining and pickling?  
Kurt: yes. I’m pickling an idea.  
Blaine: that sounds sort of … sexy  
Kurt: BLUSHING FONT  
    jeez Blaine. That’s not like you to talk like that.  
Blaine: I know. Maybe children’s cough syrup also makes me risque  
Kurt: it’s also my birthday that weekend  
    the big 2-1  
Blaine: I was thinking the other day I had no idea when your birthday is  
     so that’s good, you can go off and celebrate with your fancy friends  
     and I’ll hang out with my grandpa  
    do you have the same birthday as my grandpa!!!??? On the 18th?  
Kurt: no mine’s the 19th  
    when’s yours?  
Blaine: I’ll be 21 on May 30th  
    my mom kept me home an extra year, hoping my speech would get better  
Kurt: ah, I didn’t realize you were such an old man  
Blaine: I am old and wise, Kurt.  
    also kind of sick, I think  
     somehow even though I slept for 5 hours today, I’m tired again.  
Kurt: that’s because chicken doesn’t actually have magical healing properties  
    and sleep does  
Blaine: fine. Be all logical and not-fun  
    thanks for telling me all that tonight  
    sometimes I forget that there’s a lot we still don’t know each other  
Kurt: sometimes it feels like I’ve known you a lot longer than I have  
Blaine: yup  
    g’night Kurt  
Kurt: night Blaine  
    feel better!  
Blaine: thanks. I already do.  
     good luck with your paper. :)  
    blainers out


	8. Chapter 8

October 19th  
12:00 am  
Blaine: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KURT!!!  
Blaine: I miss you.

12:02 am  
Kurt: Thanks Blainers  
Kurt: I miss you too.  
Kurt: I’m out with Puck, because he insisted that we go to a “real” bar for my birthday

12:04 am  
Blaine: You and Puck? I thought Rachel was going out too?

12:05 am  
Kurt: We’re gonna go meet up with Rachel and various other people in about a half hour  
Kurt: Puck was unyielding about the fact that I had to be in a bar that carded at midnight.  
Kurt: And here we are.  
Kurt: he says “sup”

12:08 am  
Blaine: I say “sup” back  
Blaine: Anyway, I wanted to say happy birthday  
Blaine: and have fun  
Blaine: Be careful  
Blaine: talk to you later

12:10 am  
Kurt: Ok. Talk later!

7:52 pm  
Blaine: This is the lamest 80th birthday party I’ve ever been to.

8:08 pm  
Kurt: Approximately how many octogenarians do you know Blaine?

8:12 pm  
Blaine: Well, just the one really. But this is totally lame.  
Blaine: There’s no pin the tail on the donkey  
Blaine: no bouncy castle  
Blaine: stupid

8:15 pm  
Kurt: You seem to be confusing “8th” and “80th” again

8:16 pm  
Blaine: oh. yes. Damn numbers.

8:31 pm  
Blaine: CARROT CAKE. Things have taken a turn for the worst.

8:33 pm  
Kurt: First of all, thank you for livetexting your grandfather’s 80th birthday party.  
Kurt: Second of all, what’s wrong with carrot cake?

8:35 pm  
Blaine: Nothing I suppose. But red velvet would be better.

8:36 pm  
Kurt: You better eat that carrot cake and be damn happy about it.  
Kurt: think of all us poor, pathetic losers who have no cake at all. :(

8:40 pm  
Blaine: It’s your birthday, how are you not having any cake?

8:41 pm  
Kurt: I currently have no cake.  
Kurt: though I believe Rachel will be bringing some cupcakes home for me soooooon

8:45 pm  
Blaine: She better. Everyone deserves at least a cupcake on their birthday.

8:47 pm  
Kurt: Indeed  
Kurt: I wish you were here to celebrate tonight. :(

8:49 pm  
Blaine: me tooooooooooooooooo  
Blaine: I wouldn’t be eating stupid carrot cake either

8:51 pm  
Kurt: Blaine, there’s something you need to know  
Kurt: the way you feel about chicken  
Kurt: is the way I feel about carrot cake  
Kurt: I mean, I don’t have any poignant grandma story to go with my love  
Kurt: but I believe it’s very close to the way you feel about chicken

8:54 pm  
Blaine: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
Blaine: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
Blaine: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
Blaine: can you find it in your heart to forgive me?  
Blaine: I didn’t know!  
Blaine: I will make amends with carrot cake!  
Blaine: I’ll eat another slice right now!

8:57 pm  
Kurt: Yes. Go eat more carrot cake. In my honor.  
Kurt: I accept your act of contrition.

8:59 pm  
Blaine: Thank you Kurt.  
Blaine: So what are we doing on Monday?

9:02 pm  
Kurt: We’re going to the zoo on Monday  
Kurt: I’ve decided that I want to go to the Central Park Zoo

9:03 pm  
Blaine: I AM A ZOO ENTHUSIAST  
Blaine: And yet somehow I’ve never been to the Central Park Zoo

9:05 pm  
Kurt: well then, it’s decided.  
Kurt: Rachel came home with the cupcakes  
Kurt: and cake flavored vodka (????)  
Kurt: I’ll let you know how this goes.

9:07 pm  
Blaine: Awesome.  
Blaine: I’m going to go eat my weight in carrot cake.

October 20  
12:26 am  
Kurt: thiws cewia; vaodaka os delisofuus!  
Kurt: wow. Look at a;oll the typos!!!!!  
Kurt: i will type s l o w l u  
Kurt: dammit  
Kurt: ballien!

12:42 am  
Blaine: Holy shit!  
Blaine: you are the worst drunk texter I’ve ever seen!

12:48 am  
Kurt: caek vdoksa baliine  
Kurt: ITS CAKEI VOEKDEA

12:51 am  
Blaine: yes it is Kurt. yes it is.  
Blaine: did you turn off autocorrect?

12:55 am  
Kurt: I DON’T KNWO!  
Kurt: sigh  
Kurt: now i miss your faxesc

12:57 am  
Blaine: I miss your faxesc too

1:01 am  
Kurt: I’m sorrrrrrrrrru I’m goiwng to prisas  
Kurt: cuz you won’t bethrew

1:04 am  
Blaine: how about we talk about this when you’re not drunk?

1:05 am  
Kurt: ok. Good idewa

1:06 am  
Blaine: are you at home?

1:08 am  
Kurt: YES. YES.

1:11 am  
Blaine: good make sure you stay there.  
Blaine: g’night Kurt  
Blaine: I’m glad you liked your cake vodka

3:47 am  
Kurt: Cake vodka is terrible on its way back up.

~~~~~

On Sunday, Kurt has the worst hangover of his life. Even worse than the time he threw up on Ms. Pillsbury in high school. Much, much, much worse. He spends the day lounging in bed, sending random texts to Blaine, who responds and makes him laugh every time.

Kurt knows he’s going to have to talk to Blaine about Paris eventually, about what they’re going to do about their relationship. They’ve both been avoiding the topic. But his drunk subconscious wouldn’t let the thought go the night before and that’s why he texted Blaine about it. He decides to postpone that conversation though. He doesn’t want it to ruin his birthday trip to the zoo.

Monday is a fantastic fall day in New York City. The boys have an excellent time at the zoo and finish their day with dinner at Kurt’s favorite Thai restaurant. As they’re leaving, Kurt’s phone rings. He promises Blaine he’ll make it quick, but it’s his dad and he hates not to answer.

Kurt stops to look at something in the window of a shop and he hears someone approach Blaine behind him.

“Excuse me?” says a polite male voice.

Kurt turns towards the voice, still chatting with his dad about the zoo and the delicious dinner the boys just had. He sees a man holding hands with a little girl, all dressed up. Kurt smiles, thinking that they probably took in a show or the ballet or something.

Blaine smiles and nods and the man continues “We got all turned around. Can you tell me where the nearest subway station is?”

“Um,” Blaine starts in his most timid voice. “Um, wwwwwwwhich uh, line ddd-dah-do you need?”

“The A.”

“Oh, ok. Go one,” Blaine takes a deep breath and finds himself immediately blocked on, of course, the word block.

“What’s wrong with him, Daddy?” asks the little girl. “Is he retarded?”

~~~~~

A Moment of Blaine

Heart pounding.

Ears ringing.

Breath hitching.

Eyes roll, blinking rapidly.

Neck jerking.

My neck hasn’t jerked all day. Why now?

I hope I’m not scaring this little girl too much.

~~~~~

“He’s just... handicapped, sweetheart. Don’t say retarded. And don’t worry about it, we’ll find someone else to help us.”

Kurt hurries to get off the phone with his dad, wanting to tell this man off and to somehow gain control over this situation. The man is walking away from Blaine. Damn b-words, foiling him around every turn, Kurt can’t help but think.

Kurt’s next to Blaine in a second, who’s still stuck in the block, blinking furiously, neck jerking, hands in fists at his sides.

“Excuse me!” Kurt calls after the man. “He’s not handicapped, or ‘retarded’” Kurt finger quotes, casting the dirtiest look he can muster at a 5 year old, “he stutters.”

The man turns around and shrugs at Kurt. “That’s ok. We’ll find someone else.”

Kurt has no retort for the man, so he gives him the finger. He turns his attention to Blaine and puts a hand on his back. “That was so messed up.”

“Block,” Blaine says, with a sigh and a shake of his head. Kurt’s not sure if he’s referring to the word he was trying to say or the obstacle that got in the way of saying it.

“What a fucking dumbass,” Kurt says, as he and Blaine begin walking in the opposite direction. Blaine shrugs, eyes downcast as he shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. Kurt worries then that this incident might make Blaine regress or pull away. That man shouldn’t have acted like that. He should have been more patient, Blaine was trying so hard. Blaine could have given him great directions. With every thought, Kurt can feel himself become more and more enraged. He really can’t believe how calm Blaine is.

They walk silently back to Kurt’s apartment, but once inside Kurt can’t hold back his thoughts anymore. He doesn’t want to fight with Blaine, but he doesn’t understand, can’t even comprehend, how he can be so stoic about what just happened.

“Why you aren’t more pissed off?” Kurt exclaims as he walks back to his bedroom to hang up his coat.

Blaine follows Kurt to his room, surprised by Kurt’s sudden emotion. It seems to come out of nowhere to Blaine. Blaine had been stewing in his own thoughts for the past 10 minutes. Turning over in his mind what he could have done differently. Thinking that he needs to talk to Chad, discuss some more strategies for situations like this. Not to mention feeling humiliated that Kurt actually saw it happen. Somehow that’s the worst part, that Kurt had to watch it happen.

Blaine takes a minute to collect his thoughts, because he really does have an answer for his question.

“Cause I can’t let my-my-myself.” Blaine begins, voice full of frustration. “If I let mmm-myself get that pissed off anytime ss-ss-someone interrupts me or assumes things about mm-mm-me or may-makes me feel ss-stupid, I wah-wah-would be pissed off too mmm-muh-muh-much. Like all the time.”

“How often does this happen?”

Blaine shrugs, knowing that what he’s about to say might make Kurt more upset. “Not everyday. A couple times a ww-we-week, sss-something kind of like this happens. It doesn’t mm-matter. It’s not a... huge dd-dd-ddd-dah-deal.”

“A couple times a week! I don’t understand why you’re so unemotional about this. Get pissed off! Some things are worth getting pissed off about Blaine.”

“Don’t you get it? This is just mmmmme! This is what I’ve bbb-been trying to explain to you. These are my, my, my pp-pah-pah-prah-problems. This is my life!” Blaine’s shocked by how loud his voice is getting. He’s frustrated, but he certainly doesn’t want to take it out on Kurt. 

But he really hates that Kurt saw him humiliate himself like that. Kurt has witnessed Blaine stutter that severely on occasion, but Kurt’s never seen the way people, strangers, often treat Blaine when he can’t get words out properly. Kurt’s never been privy to a situation where Blaine is dismissed or disregarded because of his speech. 

“This is how it is?” Kurt’s indignant.

“Yeah, nn-nah-not all the time, ss-ss-sometimes everything is ff-fine. Lately things are even great. Sometimes things ss-suck. They just ddd-dah-do.”

“But how can you be so... resigned about it? So passive?”

Blaine sighs and sits down on the bed then.“Gee, I-I-I-I don’t know Kurt. What other choice dd-dd-do I have?” He doesn’t mean to sound as jaded and sarcastic as that came out. But Kurt’s acting like Blaine has control over how people treat him and he doesn’t.

“You could get pissed off!”

“Kurt,” Blaine says with such surrender in his voice, elbows on knees, face in hands. “It’s not ww-ww-worth it. If you’re in this, with mm-mm-me, you can’t bb-bb-bah-be pissed off all the time. You’re going to have to, to, to, to choose to let ss-some stah-stah-stuff go. And this wasn’t even that bb-bb-bad. Not even in like the tt-tah-top ten.”

“But it sucks. I’m not sure I even want to know what the top ten are like, because this was terrible.” Kurt plops down on the bed next to Blaine and leans against Blaine’s side.

“It dd-does suck,” Blaine takes his hands away from his face and places one on Kurt’s knee and smooths his thumb over it. “Don’t ww-ww-worry about it. It’s gonna bb-bb-be ok.”

Kurt looks over at Blaine then and Blaine is shocked to see tears in Kurt’s eyes. “Why are you comforting me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

“It’s nn-nice. You know how mm-mm-many times I’ve had to comfort my, my, my, myself in this kind of situation? I’m an expert.”

Kurt starts really crying then. He can’t help it. How does Blaine cope with these things? How can he handle this type of rejection on a regular basis?

“Are you crying?” Blaine asks, trying keep the smile out of his voice. A smile is sort of the wrong reaction here, Blaine knows, but he’s so touched by Kurt’s emotional outpouring. He doesn’t want Kurt to notice that his voice is lighter than it should be during such a serious moment. “Please dd-dd-dah-don’t cry Kurt. It’s ok.”

Blaine puts his arm around Kurt, which seems to only make Kurt cry harder.

“But you’re so nice,” Kurt cries. “Why are you so nice about all of this?”

“I-I-I-I dunno, w-w-w-why are you so upset about this?” Blaine draws Kurt up in both his arms now, hugging him, rubbing his back, trying his best to soothe him.

“Because you’re winsome,” Kurt sniffles into Blaine’s shoulder. “Because you’re such a good person and no one should ever be shitty to you.”

“Kurt.” Blaine draws away from Kurt a bit, so he can see his face.. “I-I-I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it nn-nn-never bb-bb-bb-bah-bothers me. But I can’t change people. I can ww-work on my ss-spah-peech and try to make it bb-bb-better. And I’m doing that. I-I-I’m dd-dah-doing everything I can.”

Kurt takes a deep steadying breath and swipes at his eyes. “Do you want to cry now? I can hug you while you cry if you want.”

Blaine chuckles quietly and shakes his head. “I-I-I think I’m ok this time. It wah-wouldn’t be the first time I, I, I, I cried about this shit. I work hard... nn-nah-not to take it so pp-pp-personally anymore.”

“You’re really sort of amazing, you know that?” Kurt asks, wonder filling his voice.

Blaine thinks maybe this is a good time to make a point he’s wanted to make with Kurt since he first really met him. He sucks in his breath and looks down at his hands. 

“This, this, this... what happened tonight, is why I nn-nn-never talked to you... last year. Why I always, uh, uh rr-ran away. I didn’t know if you ww-ww-wah-would accept mm-me, listen to mm-mm-me. I was tt-tt-too afraid to ff-ff-find out.” 

Of all the things he’s admitted to Kurt, somehow how this feels like the biggest. It’s because when he’s honest with himself, he’s uncertain about how Kurt would have reacted to his speech under normal circumstances.

“I think about the windy day sometimes, when you helped me pick up my papers. You were so cute in your red hat and so obviously kind. I mean, no one else stopped to help me pick them up. I figured you were very shy and you are very shy, so I wasn’t wrong. I think if you had talked to me that day, I would have listened.”

Blaine’s not so sure. He gives Kurt his triple blink, head shake, lip twitch.

Kurt stands, abruptly. “I just need to run out quick. I need... face wash. I’ll be right back. Just... stay here. Don’t go anywhere.”

Blaine gives Kurt a confused look as Kurt grabs his coat and runs for the door.

~~~~~

A Moment of Kurt

I had to get out of there for a few minutes. It wasn’t fair that I was so upset about something Blaine has to deal with all the time.

I hated seeing that happen. I hated it. I don’t ever want to see that happen to him again.

On the other hand, I have a better understanding of why he is the way he is, why he’s so hesitant. I understand why he doesn’t trust easily, why he’d rather not talk to people he doesn’t know. He could tell me that these things happen until he’s blue in the face, but it’s different than seeing it happen.

If that’s how people have been treating him his whole life, it’s a wonder he ever talks at all.

I do worry sometimes that if I had met Blaine the normal way and not had the chance to get to know him online, I might have been one of the dumbasses, making assumptions and not being patient. I might have passed him over like so many others. I wonder if I hadn’t known he was intelligent, talented and freaking hilarious, if I would have let his speech get in the way.

I like to think I’m better than that, more accepting than that, but I don’t know. And there’s no way I’ll ever know.

He deserves cupcakes.

At the very least.

~~~~~

After Kurt leaves, Blaine throws himself face first onto Kurt’s bed, finally giving into his embarrassment, the lurking shame he feels, now that he’s alone. He knows he doesn’t have a lot of time, but he really needs a minute to scream into a pillow.

But of course the second he lets loose a serious pillow scream, he senses someone behind him.

Unbeknownst to Blaine and Kurt, Puck had been taking a nap in Rachel’s room, while waiting for Rachel to finish her shift at the coffee shop. He woke up when they came in and started fighting. Which was weird, because he didn’t really know that Blaine could fight.

“So like, is shit ok with you and Kurt?” Puck asks Blaine’s back.

Blaine leaves his face in the pillow and simply juts his hand out to the side and gives Puck a thumbs up.

“Fuck. You need to like... I don’t know...talk about it or some shit?” Puck again addresses Blaine’s back.

Blaine considers this a moment. Just a minute before he was seriously thinking about leaving actually, slipping out while Kurt was gone, which would constitute running away. But he really wants, no he needs, to talk to Matt. Given the fact that Matt’s not here and he promised Kurt he wouldn’t run away when things got tough, he decides Puck might be his best alternative at the moment. He rights himself on Kurt’s bed and looks up at Puck, who looks a combination of bed rumpled, concerned and uncomfortable.

Blaine runs his hands through his hair and sighs, not quite sure where to start. “People suck.” Yes, he thinks, that’s the perfect place to start.

This concept is something Puck understands and has some personal knowledge about, so he nods his head and says “Fuck yeah.”

“This guy, this dd-dumb guy, asked mm-mm-me for dd-dd-directions and I sssstarted stu-stu-stuttering.” Blaine stops and licks his lips, searching for words to both downplay the interaction, and also make Puck understand why Kurt reacted so badly to it. “He wwwwas, an, an asshole about it and his kid asked if I was rr-rr-re-re-retarded. Kurt got all upset.”

“And why the fuck didn’t you get all upset?” Puck asks.

“It’s sss-sss-something that happens to, to, to, to me sometimes. I’m used to it. Kurt isn’t. And ww-ww-ww-we got home and fought about it a little. Well, not rr-rr-really a fight. More of a … heated conversation. I dd-dd-dah-don’t know. I hate how upset he was. I’m mmm-mmm-mostly embarrassed that he had to sssee it.”

“Fuck. I’m not good with this kinda shit. Makes want to go kick some ass or something when shit gets heavy.”

“It’s ok, man. I dd-dd-don’t really need advice or anything. I just nn-nn-nee-nee-needed to say it. In fact, I think I need to re-re-repeat it. I am so fucking embarrassed.”

“Why embarrassed?” Puck asks with a dismissive shrug.

“I hate that, that, that he saw me like that. I-I-I-I mean, he’s seen me sort of like that in the pp-past, bb-bb-bb-but he thought he had to de-de-de-defend me and then he ww-wah-as upset. I hate that it upset him so mm-much.”

“Don’t be a dumbass. Kurt’s a good guy. He definitely only got that upset cause he’s all into you or whatever. Shit, this is so not my thing. You wanna like, go drink and get in a fight or something? I could do that.”

“Nah, thanks though. Kurt will be rr-rr-right bb-bb-bb-bah-back. He said he had to go bb-b-b-b-buy face wash, but I think he nn-nee-needed some air.”

Puck raises his eyebrows at that. “Yeah, Kurt always has that shit laying around.”

“I know. I was just like,” here Blaine lifts his hands and makes a confused face.

Puck turns to leave then and Blaine says “Wait. Can ww-ww-we, uh, pretend this conversation nn-nn-never happened? I don’t really www-wah-want Kurt to know... I dunno. Whatever.”

“I hear ya, bro. Not a word.” Puck comes back into the room to give Blaine a fist bump and then Blaine throws himself down, face first, on the bed. He hears Puck go back to Rachel’s room and allows himself a few more minutes of self-pity.

When Blaine hears Kurt’s footsteps on the stairs, he hauls himself off Kurt’s bed and goes to sit at the kitchen island. Kurt’s holding a dozen red velvet mini-cupcakes from the bakery down the street and there’s no face wash in sight.

The boys smile at each other, both feeling a little shy, a little over emotional. Kurt puts the cupcakes on the counter and gets out some milk and two glasses. Blaine’s eyes follow him around the kitchen, working up something good to say, something to let Kurt know that everything really is fine. When he can’t seem to drum up a decent statement, he decides to ask a question.

“Are you feeling bb-bb-bah-better?” he asks.

“It is so very ridiculous that you’re asking me that.”

Blaine shrugs.

“I’m sorry I was so upset before. It really wasn’t my place to be that upset. I have a lot of … emotions about you and I want everyone to be nice to you all the time.”

Blaine makes a noise that’s half sigh, half laugh and can’t quite meet Kurt’s eyes. He has no idea what to say to that. Everyone can’t be nice to him all the time. That’s not how the world works. 

“Can I ask you how you’re doing? I know you said you’re ok, but I really want to make sure I ask. You’re allowed to not be ok, Blaine.”

Blaine looks at Kurt then, knowing he needs to tell him... something. He doesn’t really want to get into the whole thing again, because he actually is starting to feel better, talking to Puck helped. And there’s something about the cupcakes and milk that’s really starting to make everything seem ok. Cupcakes and milk and Puck being his friend and Kurt being his boyfriend. Kurt makes everything, every aspect of Blaine’s life, better.

Blaine finally speaks the thought that’s been troubling him the most. He turns on his stool, so he’s facing Kurt fully. “I rr-rr-really hope I-I-I-I-I didn’t ssscare that little girl too much.”

“That kid was such a bitch!”

“She was nn-nn-not! I think she, she, she was scared.”

“Blaine. She asked if you were retarded. RETARDED. Do you realize how offensive that is? On so many levels?!”

“It’s ok. She’s a kid, Kurt. She... dd-dah-dah-doesn’t know any bb-bb-bb-bet-bet-ter. I-I-I'm nah-not offended.” 

And he really isn’t offended. But he is worried about the scared look on the little girl’s face. It made him wonder whether or not he’s suited to be a teacher. What if he has a bad block in front of a classroom of kids? And he scares them? He’ll add it to the list of things he needs to talk to Chad about.

“Well, she should know better.”

Blaine just shrugs again. He feels like he’s starting to run out of words now. Talking like this, so openly and honestly, even with Kurt, is taking a toll on Blaine. It exhausts him. Searching for words, trying to articulate everything that’s going on in his brain, fighting to get the thoughts out of his mouth, it all just makes him want to take a nap. 

“It’s ok.” Blaine knows his words are lacking. There’s one more thing he really wants to say before he loses his steam. “I-I-I-I I can’t bb-buh-be-believe how mm-muh-much... you care.”

“Of course I care. Maybe I care too much, even. I was so upset tonight, I’m still upset. But I’m also astounded by your compassion. I really admire you, Blaine.”

“I-I-I-I can’t imagine ww-ww-why.” Blaine smiles sadly, unable to look away from his hands.

“Because instead of sitting here whining about how mean people are to you, you’re more worried about some little girl you don’t even know. You … humble me.”

“I dah-don’t know what to ss-say,” Blaine mumbles quietly, eyes still downcast.

Kurt moves directly into Blaine's line of vision, and gently nudges Blaine's chin up with a curled finger. Eye contact is too raw, too intimate right now, so Blaine winces, unprepared for the depth of Kurt's gesture. When he finally allows his eyes to drift up, what he finds is the face of a person who not only accepts him, despite his many (perceived) shortcomings, but also likes him, cares about him, and admires him.

“Don’t worry about that little girl. Don’t worry about finding the right words to say. You don’t have to say anything. I like you and I’m so happy to be with you, no matter what.” 

Blaine is overwhelmed, but this time he has no desire to shy away from Kurt. 

From Kurt's acceptance. 

Of him. 

All of him.

Kurt presses a gentle kiss on Blaine’s mouth, Blaine responds and as their kiss deepens, Kurt feels a tear trickle down Blaine’s cheek. 

Kurt’s surprised, so he pulls back to look at Blaine. His eyes are closed, his lashes are stuck together with tears and his chin quivers with the effort of holding his emotions in. Kurt leans in between Blaine’s knees and encircles him in his arms, wrapping him as tightly as he can. Blaine buries his face into Kurt’s shoulder, suddenly desperate for comfort.

“It’s ok,” Kurt murmurs soothingly, over and over into Blaine’s ear.

And it really is. 

Blaine doesn’t need to cry these days when the world at large underestimates (dismisses, ignores, rejects) him.

What makes Blaine want to cry these days is Kurt’s (endless, boundless, ceaseless) kindness.

He’ll have to explain that to Kurt sometime.

But for now he can give into Kurt’s kindness and let himself cry.

Just for a little while.


	9. Chapter 9

A Moment of Kurt

Why did I think it was a good idea to sit outside at night in November?

It’s so cold out. My fingers are numb already.

What’s taking Blaine so long?

We’re going to miss the beginning of the movie.

But if I text him again, he’s going to say I’m nagging.

There he is. Looking all cute in his navy blue pea coat.

He’s lucky he has me to dress him now.

Although, I do wish he’d cut his hair.

On the other hand, I like playing with his curls.

But I can’t tell him that, he’ll think he’s won.

Seeing as how it’s a competition.

Who does he think he’s talking to?

I bet he doesn’t even realize his lips are moving.

He’s either singing or practicing something for speech therapy.

Either way, I look forward to teasing him about it.

Yes, now you finally notice me, sitting here in the freezing cold.

Who waves like that?

That was the heartiest wave I’ve ever seen.

How can one person be that endearing?

~~~~~

Kurt hops down the steps and allows his face break into a grin as Blaine gets close.

“So, who were you talking to?”

“Oh. Um. You ss-ss-saw that? Um, pp-pp-practicing voluntary stuttering. I dd-dd-dd-don’t even nah-nah-notice I’m doing it anymore.”

“So how’s speech therapy going?”

“It’s fine,” Blaine answers, as he holds out his arms for the obligatory speech therapy inquiry hug.

“You’re Pavlovian with your responses, Blaine, it’s almost annoying.”

“I de-de-deserve a hug.”

“Yes, you do,” Kurt agrees, as Blaine envelops him.

“I actually have another speech question,” Kurt says as the boys walk down the street. “If you don’t mind. Obviously, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to. It’s something that I’ve been wondering about. I’m not really sure if it’s answerable, or even reasonable, but I’m so riveted by the subject, and by you of course, that I must know.”

Blaine smiles his best tight-lipped smile, the one that says “I’m laughing at you on the inside because I think you’re awfully cute when you ramble.” (Or at least that’s how Kurt always interprets it.) Blaine nods his head and raises his eyebrows encouragingly.

“How much of your stuttering is voluntary lately?”

His mouth drops into a frown and he draws his eyebrows together.

“I-I-I’m nn-nn-not sure if I could... quantify that. Maybe I’ll ask Chad. We mm-mm-might be able to, to, to ff-figure it out.”

“It’s ok. You don’t have to have an answer. I was googling it earlier and I couldn’t get a clear, concise picture of what voluntary stuttering entails.”

“You ww-ww-were googling ss-ss-stuttering? Today?”

Kurt looks a little embarrassed. “Yeah. I’ve been reading a lot about it lately. I want to understand. Everything.”

Blaine’s hand finds Kurt’s and he smiles at him.

“You’ve nn-n-n-nah-noticed that there are certain sounds I-I-I always ss-ss-stutter on, right?.”

“Yes. Pretty much all B-words, usually r’s, w’s and n’s.”

“Wow,” Blaine’s eyes go wide and his cheeks go pink. “You rr-really have bah-bah-been paying attention. There are other ones tt-tt-too. D’s, m’s, sometimes s’s. Buh-buh-but that’s only, what, about a quarter of the alphabet? So, so, so when I-I-I-I voluntary stu-stu-stutter, I mm-mmmake sure to do it on wah-words and ss-ss-sounds that I wouldn’t nah-normally, along with the usual ones.”

Kurt’s nodding, listening closely to everything Blaine is saying. Apparently, all Kurt had to do was tell Blaine he googled stuttering to get him to open up about his speech. If only he’d known that months ago. Hell, he googled it right before he left for what turned into the notebook/diner date. He would have mentioned it then if he knew it would make a difference.

Kurt usually can’t get Blaine to say more than “it’s fine” when speech therapy comes up. And he knows that’s what their deal was, but he wants to learn as much as he can about stuttering and Blaine’s speech therapy. He really wants to know more about what Blaine’s working on and what it entails to improve his speech. Because, truth be told, Kurt has started noticing a lot of improvements, even within the past week or two.

In fact, Kurt has not only started noticing improvements in Blaine’s speech, but he’s also been more than surprised by how verbose Blaine has gotten around him. Blaine’s shyness is slowly peeling away to reveal the guy that Kurt knows so well via text and the internet. He still relies a lot on body language and facial expressions, especially when he’s uncomfortable about something, but for the most part, they can really converse now and Kurt doesn’t feel like it’s nearly as one-sided.

If Kurt had to pinpoint it, it was after the night with the directions debacle (which is what Kurt thinks of it as in his head) that everything started steadily getting better. Blaine seems happier, more talkative, more open and willing to be himself. Kurt, for his part, worries less about saying or doing the wrong thing. He doesn’t even worry about overwhelming Blaine anymore. It was a frustrating incident and a really emotional evening for both boys, but somehow they came out the other side a stronger couple.

“I-I-I dd-dd-dah-don’t know if that’s how everybody dd-does it exactly,” Blaine continues. “That’s ww-what I’ve been dah-doing. Since it’s a way to make mmmme feel desensitized, I-I-I try to ddd-dd-do it as much as possible. Like if I-I-I do it voluntarily and get it out of the way, then I’m nn-nn-not anxious about when it mm-mm-might sneak up on mmmme.”

“That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense, actually,” Kurt says. “Are you voluntary stuttering now? Or not? I guess that’s part of what I want to know.”

“Um. Nah-not rr-really. I, I, I dah-don’t really do it around you.” Blaine inhales deeply through his nose before saying, “That’s actually mm-mm-my nn-nah-next challenge, from Chad. To dd-do mm-more voluntary ss-stuh-stuttering around you.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about it,” Kurt says as they stand in line to buy tickets.

“I’m nah-nah-not actually embarrassed. This time.” Blaine rolls his eyes and smiles at Kurt. “It’s mm-more that I-I-I-I-I like talking tt-to you and I ddd-dah-don’t wwwwwant to have to think about adding re-re-re-repetitions and pro-prolongations and all that junk. I just wwwant to … talk.”

“Did you tell Chad that?”

“Yeah, he sss-ss-says that’s part of wwwwwhy it’s important that I dd-dd-do it around you, be-be-be-because I’m comfortable with you and that mm-may-may-makes it a good … testing ground.”

“So, do it and get it over with,” Kurt says with a shrug.

“I know, I wwwwill. Not tonight though, tonight I wwwwant to, to, to hang out wwwwith mm-mm-my fella and have fun.”

Kurt can’t help but tell him “You’re sort of wonderful, you know that?”

Blaine blushes and scrunches his nose at Kurt.

Which is Blaine for “thanks.”

Blaine’s quiet for a while after that. When they get to the front of the line, Kurt takes charge of buying the tickets and then finding them seats. This is the way it is with Blaine sometimes, Kurt has learned. He can go from 60 to 0 out of nowhere. Usually it’s because he’s thinking deep, worrisome Blaine thoughts.

Within 2 minutes of settling into their seats, Blaine turns to Kurt, but doesn’t look at him. He squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath.

“Do... you think mmm-mm-my ss-speech is improving?” Before Kurt even has a chance to answer, he adds, “Don’t lie.” Blaine then turns back in his seat, crosses his arms and hunches his shoulders, as though he needs to physically prepare himself for the onslaught of Kurt’s opinion.

Kurt swivels in his seat and sticks his face directly in front of Blaine’s. “Um. Hello? Do I have to address your profile or can we discuss this like adults?”

Blaine narrows his eyes at Kurt, but he does sit up straighter in his chair and as Kurt sits back in his seat, Blaine once again turns towards him.

“Ok, I’m rr-ready.”

“I like how you think I’m about to be so critical of you that you had to change your body language.”

“I-I-I-I dah-don’t think you’re going to bb-bb-be critical, not on puh-puh-purpose. I care about ww-wa-what you think. I ww-ww-want to hear the truth, but sometimes... the, uh, truth hurts. What if you think I-I-I’m nah-not doing well?”

“What if I think you’re doing more than well? What if I think you’re doing phenomenally? Like what if while we were walking here I was thinking that not only is your speech better, but you’re talking a lot more and I think you’re more yourself lately? What if, Blaine?”

“Is that true?” Blaine bites his lip and blinks several times, but he doesn’t look away from Kurt’s eyes, no matter how much he wants to.

“It’s completely true.”

“Phenomenally?” Blaine lifts an inquisitive eyebrow at Kurt.

“You told me not to lie,” Kurt states. “It would constitute lying if I diluted my opinion.”

The lights go down then but Kurt can see Blaine’s smile even in the dim theater. Blaine takes Kurt’s hand and lays his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

“Phenomenally?” Blaine whispers, still in a state of disbelief.

Instead of answering, Kurt spells out “Y-E-S” in Blaine’s palm with his fingertip.

“Ok. I’ll stop now,” Blaine whispers as the movie begins.

~~~~~

After the movie, the boys go to the nearest Starbucks. It’s crowded so when a table empties as they walk in, they make a beeline for it and decide to wait out the queue for a few minutes.

“You know, I’m pretty sure that today is the anniversary of the first time I ever saw you.”

“I dd-dd-didn’t think you rr-rr-remembered.”

“Of course. I told you, you made an impression.”

“I dd-dd-didn’t get you anything. I ff-ff-feel like you de-de-deserve ssssome kind of token, at least, for puh-puh-putting up with mm-me.”

“You think you’re being cute, but you know I don’t like it when you’re mean to yourself,” Kurt says in a firm voice.

Blaine makes his poutiest face at Kurt and says “Bb-bb-but I am cute.” 

And this moment is a shining example of the changes that Kurt’s been seeing in Blaine. Instead of shying away from Kurt, he engages, he banters. He smiles and he’s silly and he really is adorable.

“Yes, you are, but I don’t like when anyone is mean to Blaine, so you’re not allowed to be mean to him either.” At that Blaine blushes and looks away from Kurt’s eyes, but only for a moment. 

“I have an idea, for a token that I would truly appreciate.” Kurt raises his eyebrows suggestively and nods towards the baristas. “You said you’d try to do it for me.”

“Oh man. Ok. I... I’ll try.”

They wait another minute and Kurt nudges Blaine when the line is shorter.

“Are you ready?”

“Do I rr-rr-really have to dd-dd-dah-do this? It’s nah-not going to work.”

“Please, pretty please. Come on, for our sorta-versary.”

“You can’t stah-stare at mmme though. You ppppromise not to sssstare?”

“But I can watch right?”

“Yes. Just like, avert your eyes ss-ss-sometimes,” Blaine gets up, but then turns back. “Wait a second! It’s nah-not like you got mm-mm-mm-me anything!”

Kurt hands him a 20 dollar bill, “I’m paying for the coffee. Happy sorta-versary. Now go make me laugh.”

“I am ss-ss-sighing loudly on the inside.”

“And you promise you’ll wink?”

“Yes, fine. I pp-pp-promise to wah-wink. I can pp-pretty mm-mm-muh-much always wink.”

“Stop looking so put upon. I’ve been desperate to see this.” And with that Kurt gives Blaine a light tap on the ass. Blaine feigns a scandalized look and then scurries over to get in line.

~~~~~

A Moment of Kurt

I settle into my chair for the show as Blaine gets close to the counter.

He runs his hand through his hair and then pats it down. I can’t help but smile as he rolls his shoulders, like he’s stretching for serious physical exercise. He glances back at me and I shoot my eyes up to the ceiling, because I wasn’t supposed to be staring, and then look back over to where Blaine’s barely containing a laugh.

He’s at the front of the line now, so he leans on the counter. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I have a feeling he’s laying it on thick. Rubbing the stubble on his chin and grinning at the barista as he tells her the order and I very clearly see him say the name “Alex.” Then he pays and waggles his eyebrows as he drops a dollar in the tip jar. She says thanks and then JACKPOT! He winks.

Damn. How does he do that? How does he go from the world’s shyest gay guy to studly ladies’ man in 30 seconds?

~~~~~

Blaine comes back to the table, drinks in hand, grinning, with color high in his cheeks and his eyes shining triumphantly.

“Nah-not too shabby, rrright?” he says as he hands Kurt his non-fat mocha.

“That was sort of amazing. I’m not going to lie. I can see why Matt thinks it’s so funny.”

“So, it was a wah-wah-wor-w-worthy sorta-versary gift?”

“Without a doubt. You should act, that was really amazing.”

“I could nnn-never act. People would be, be, be able to ss-see me,” Blaine replies, entirely serious and wide-eyed.

“People can see you right now, Blaine,” Kurt stage whispers, as he exaggeratedly glances around at the other customers.

“Oh stop it. Don’t be obtuse. You know w-ww-ww-what I mm-mm-mean.”

The boys continue their banter while they drink their coffee. Kurt knows he needs to bring up Paris. He knows it. He keeps telling himself that he’ll wait for the right moment. While this might not be the right moment, per se, it’s no better or worse than any other moment. At least Blaine’s talkative tonight.

“We need to talk about Paris, Blaine.”

“I-I-I-I-I know.” Blaine sighs and stares at his coffee.

“I keep telling myself that it’s far away and it is. But maybe we need to at least acknowledge it and start thinking about what we’re going to do about it.”

“Ok,” this is not where Blaine had thought their date was going tonight. “Ok. Um. I-I-I-I understand if you ww-ww-wah-want to bb-bb-bray-bray-break up with mm-me.”

“Seriously? Where did that come from? I don’t want it to sneak up on us without ever talking about it. I didn’t say anything about breaking up.”

Blaine looks at Kurt suspiciously. “You... dd-dd-don’t want to bbb-bbb-bray-break up with me? Nnn-nah-not even wwwhile you’re away?”

“Um. No, I think we should try it long distance. I mean that’s sort of how this whole thing started and we were pretty good at it.” Kurt looks at Blaine then, equally suspicious. “Do you want to break up with me?”

Blaine laughs. “Why wwww-would I ever do that? That www-www-would be incredibly ss-stuh-stupid of mm-me.”

“Alright. Good. This is progress. Neither of us want to break up.”

“Yes, I-I-I-I’m glad we’ve re-re-re-resolved... that. And you’re rrr-right, last ss-ss-summer was sort of... practice for nn-nn-next semester.”

Blaine and Kurt are quiet for a few moments then, neither of them certain where the conversation should go from there. January is still far away.

“Perhaps we should table the topic for now and get back to it when it’s closer?” Kurt suggests.

“Yes.” Blaine quickly agrees. “We’ve, uh, uh, acknowledged it. It’s there. Bb-bb-buh-but it’s ssstill two months away.”

“It is. That’s longer than we’ve been together. All in favor of tabling?”

Both boys raise their hands and smile. 

They’ve finished their coffee, so they get up and make their way back into the November chill.

“So, fella, what shall we do with the rest of our evening?” Kurt asks. Blaine snakes his arm around Kurt’s waist as they walk.

“I-I-I don’t know. What’s everyone else up tah-tah-to?” 

“I’ll text Rachel, you text Matt?” Kurt replies.

They stop to get out of the way of the other pedestrians and huddle together to text.

Matt gets back to Blaine first.

Blaine laughs loudly as he reads the text. “He ss-ss-says he’s around and thirsty.”

“Hmm. I’m guessing that means he wants to drink? And it looks like Rachel started without us.” Kurt turns his phone to Blaine to show him Rachel’s almost unintelligible text.

November 8th  
10:28 pm  
Rachel: we r droinkin  
Rachel: Pcukj said he bo4ught enaough for sh3ariong.

“D-d-did she type that with her no-nose? Or dd-did she attend the Kurt Hummel School of Dd-dd-dru-drunk Texting?”

“Oh, definitely the latter. Tell Matt to meet us at my apartment in 20 minutes.”

~~~~~

When Blaine and Kurt arrive at Kurt’s, they find Rachel literally rolling on the floor, with Puck standing above her on the coffee table, trying to drop popcorn into her mouth.

“But it keeps floating instead of dropping!” Puck yells.

“You’re doing it wrong then.”

“I have no fucking idea how to do this right!”

“It’s air popped! That’s why it’s floating!”

Blaine looks over at Kurt, “I-I-I think we have some ssssserious catching up to do.”

Matt and Kerry show up within a few minutes and the night devolves into silliness from there. Though Rachel and Puck never do perfect their popcorn dropping, it turns out that Kerry has impressive skill with the useless task.

Kurt and Blaine have trouble keeping their hands off of each other, the more drunk they get. They haven’t really gotten much farther than kissing, Kurt knows that Blaine is inexperienced and when he’s ready, they’ll do more. Kurt’s wondering if tonight's the night that Blaine might be ready to do more.

As the evening winds down, everyone is lounging about, watching a movie. Blaine and Kurt are cuddled together on the floor, lazily kissing every once in awhile.

“Hey Puck,” comes Matt’s voice from the love seat.

“Yes Matt?” is Puck’s answer from the couch.

“You know what’s really annoying?” Matt replies.

“The sound of people kissing on the floor while you’re trying to watch Independence Day?” Puck shoots back.

“Got it in one dude. Got it in one,” Matt agrees.

“Fuck you guys,” Blaine pipes up.

Then Blaine whispers to Kurt, “I think we should go to your room.” Blaine has been whispering more to Kurt lately, but Kurt’s never heard his voice sound so deep, so confident and never this downright sexy.

Kurt, wide-eyed, whispers back, “Give me two minutes to clear the bed and then meet me in there.” 

Blaine waits it out, watching the clock. He gives Kurt five minutes, mostly because he needs to prepare himself. And then he gives himself five minutes, because he still doesn’t quite feel prepared. He’s drunk enough that his inhibitions are low, but even drunk, he’s still Blaine, so the promise of a heavy make out session with his boyfriend leaves him a little nervous.

He stands up to go to Kurt’s room and tries to seem casual about it. But then Matt’s waggling his eyebrows and Rachel’s saying “have fun boys!” and Puck lets out a loud wolf whistle and Kerry’s giggling.

When Blaine re-emerges from Kurt’s room moments later everyone looks up.

“That dd-dah-dumbass passed out,” he mutters as he drops back to his spot on the floor.

The room is quiet for a minute and then everyone, including Blaine, can’t help but laugh.

~~~~~

November 2nd  
11:42 am  
Kurt: I’m sorry I passed out last night. :(  
Kurt: I was trying to lay on the bed seductively  
Kurt: But you took longer than I expected  
Kurt: And I just … fell asleep  
Kurt: you could have woke me up

11:48 am  
Blaine: No. You looked so peaceful  
Blaine: And not at all seductive  
Blaine: You can make it up to me by... taking me to brunch?

11:52 am  
Kurt: Delightful! Brunch!  
Kurt: and then we can go back to my apartment  
Kurt: Puck and Rachel are in Pennsylvania for the day  
Kurt: at Puck’s cousin’s wedding

11:55 am  
Blaine: Yes. Let’s eat the fastest brunch on earth  
Blaine: and then GO TO YOUR EMPTY APARTMENT!!!  
Blaine: I would cancel the whole brunch idea entirely but now I really want crepes.

11:57 am  
Kurt: Yes. Crepes. We have all afternoon for other... stuff. First we need crepes.

~~~~~

The boys exchange mischievous smiles (Kurt) and bashful grins (Blaine, of course) for the duration of a quick brunch.

When they enter Kurt’s apartment, they take their coats off and look at each other for the length of a breath before they can’t keep their hands away from each other any longer. From the moment their mouths touch, there’s a certain knowledge that more needs to happen. Kissing isn’t going to be satisfying enough today. They sit heavily on the couch, barely losing contact even as they fall onto it.

Kurt lays down sideways, pulling Blaine down next to him and deepens their kiss. Blaine’s hands are everywhere, wanting to touch every inch of Kurt he possibly can, while Kurt tangles his hands in Blaine’s hair.

“Oh God, I love your hair,” he hums into Blaine’s ear, as Blaine is trailing hungry kisses down Kurt’s neck.

“Oh God, I love your neck,” Blaine murmurs as he starts the trail over on the other side.

Blaine sits up for a second and whips his sweater over his head, and leans down to kiss Kurt again. Kurt’s hands trace lines under Blaine’s t-shirt. “I think you need to take this off too. There’s too much I want to see under it,” Kurt says.

Blaine blushes and says “I-I-I-I think there’s st-st-stuff I want to see under yours, too.” 

Blaine’s shirt is off in a blink and as Kurt sits up to pull his own off, Blaine’s hands are faster, deftly sweeping it off, and tossing it on the chair next to them. Kurt shifts on the couch and Blaine takes the opportunity to straddle his legs. He takes in Kurt’s light dusting of fine chest hair and the way his collar bone trails off into his broad shoulders. Kurt runs a hand over Blaine’s darker, curlier chest hair and immediately feels turned on by the way Blaine’s hip bones dip into a v as they disappear into his low slung jeans.

They both gaze at each other for another long moment and then Blaine begins planting sweet kisses all along Kurt’s collar bone. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, not stopping, not thinking, not worrying about what words are coming out of his mouth, just enjoying being with Kurt.

Kurt lifts Blaine’s chin, wanting to feel his mouth on his own again. Needing it really.

They tighten their grasp on each other, allowing their bodies to press together firmly, and Kurt becomes aware of Blaine hardening, at the same moment Blaine feels Kurt. It’s happened before but never in such a perfect situation, where they can actually do something about it.

Without hesitating or overthinking Blaine’s hands are undoing the button of Kurt’s jeans. Blaine pauses only briefly, meeting Kurt’s eyes and Kurt nods, ceding control of the moment, because he loves watching Blaine’s instincts take over.

Blaine sits up, undoes Kurt’s zipper and pulls down his boxers, taking in the sight of Kurt’s erection. He places his hand around it and gives a gentle tug. It’s experimental, so he looks at Kurt and shrugs. Kurt has to stop a laugh from bubbling up, because the humor of Blaine’s face and his hand on his cock and the little shrug is once again fairly endearing. But it’s not the right time, he doesn’t want Blaine to think he’s doing anything wrong. Nothing Blaine does in this moment could be wrong.

Blaine takes a quick pump from the “Berry Me In Kisses” moisturizer that’s on the coffee table and begins running his hand up Kurt again, finding a better rhythm. He suddenly looks up at Kurt, vaguely panicked. “Shit. I shouldn’t have used that ssssstuff if...” Blaine pauses and blushes before mumbling, “if I was going to give you a bb-bb-buh-blow job.”

Now Kurt does laugh and he sits up to kiss away Blaine’s concern. “Next time,” Kurt says and he leans back with his arm under his head. With his other hand he guides Blaine’s hand a bit, helping him find the perfect speed and the motion that finally leave Kurt a bit speechless.

Blaine’s hands are strong and sure, the hesitation gone out of his movements. He truly wants to make Kurt happy. Right before Kurt comes, Blaine grabs his t-shirt off the ground to catch it. Kurt shudders and smiles lazily up at Blaine. He takes a few minutes to enjoy the haze of orgasm, kissing Blaine’s biceps, and his chin, not being able to get enough of him. Wanting to thank him for everything, just everything. Blaine matches Kurt, kiss for kiss, feeling so confident in this moment, knowing he did something for Kurt, something wonderful.

Once Kurt has his focus back, he pushes Blaine off of him.

“What... wait...” Blaine blinks confusedly at Kurt.

“It’s your turn now,” Kurt says.

“Oh, no,” Blaine turns away blushing. “You rr-rr-rr-really dah-don’t have to.”

Kurt cups the front of Blaine’s jeans and Blaine can’t help but buck a bit from the contact.

“I think I really do,” Kurt responds. “However, I believe I’ll skip the Berry Me In Kisses.”

Blaine chuckles nervously and keeps his eyes trained on Kurt, not wanting to miss a minute of what’s about to happen.

Kurt slides to the floor. He takes Blaine’s hands and pulls him into a seated position on the couch. Blaine has become quiet, passive, almost compliant.

Kurt kneels before him and leans his arms on Blaine’s thighs.

“Hey, are you ok?” Kurt asks seriously, making sure to catch Blaine’s line of sight. Blaine smiles and nods his head slowly. “Don’t be nervous, this is going to be awesome.” Blaine just nods again, swallowing and blinking at Kurt.

Kurt kisses his lips, and then his chin and then licks Blaine’s Adam’s apple as it bobs. Kurt presses kisses down Blaine’s chest as he undoes his jeans. He kisses the spot right below Blaine’s belly button, making Blaine’s eyelids flutter as he digs his fingers into the couch. He eases Blaine’s jeans down, followed by his boxers and takes Blaine in his hand. Kurt takes a quick glance at Blaine’s face and finds that his features have relaxed and his eyelids have lowered slightly.

Kurt leans down and begins expertly and smoothly teasing Blaine’s cock with his mouth. He can feel tremors moving through Blaine’s body and soft moans of pleasure that make him smile and want to make this the best blow job he’s ever given in his whole life.

Blaine can barely think. No matter how many times he’s gotten himself off, he’s never known it could feel like this.

After Blaine comes, Kurt leans up and places his head on Blaine’s heart. He has a feeling Blaine won’t be able to say much right now, but he can hear the effect he’s had on him by listening to the pounding in Blaine’s chest and the way his breath hitches. He feels Blaine’s arm go around his back and his fingers play lightly along the hairline on Kurt’s neck.

They stay in this position as several minutes tick by and Blaine leans down to kiss the top of Kurt’s head. As Kurt feels Blaine’s breathing slow and his heartbeat evens out, he looks up to see Blaine the most relaxed he’s ever been. His head lolled back on the couch and his eyes closed and a dopey smile drawn across his lips. Blaine continues rubbing his thumb softly across Kurt’s neck and then opens his eyes.

“Wow. So you like, rr-rr-really like me, huh?” He says with a playful smile.

“Cheese on a cracker! You finally get it! Yes! I really like you!” Kurt can’t help but smile back at Blaine. Kurt can’t ever really help but smile when Blaine is smiling. “Come on. Let’s go clean you up. Apparently my reflexes and hand eye coordination aren’t as good as yours.”

Blaine stands and wavers a moment, feeling like his whole body is loose. Kurt snakes his arms around his waist and Blaine starts kissing his neck again. “I,” kiss, “really like,” kiss, “you,” kiss, “too.” And then he rapid fires kisses all over Kurt’s face.

“Jeez Blaine. You’re like a dog.”

Blaine just responds by scrunching his face up at Kurt and giving a quick flick of his tongue on Kurt’s cheek.

After they’re done in the bathroom, Blaine’s about two feet from the couch when he lays down on the floor. “Too tired. Go on ww-ww-without mm-me,” he says dramatically. Kurt tries to drag Blaine by his arm, but he’s pretty much dead weight.

“Come on,” Kurt whines, “the couch is more comfortable than the floor.”

“I can’t dah-do this on the, the, the couch,” Blaine says as he throws all of his limbs out like a starfish on the floor.

“Fine,” Kurt huffs. He goes to the couch and grabs all the pillows and blankets and throws himself down next to Blaine. Kurt creates a nest for them and then settles into the crook of Blaine’s arm. Blaine rolls a bit and cuddles into Kurt.

Bare chests pressed together, legs entwined, smiling faces, eyes drifting closed. Happy boys in a heap. They take a nice long nap in a sunny spot on the floor.

~~~~~

Kurt’s awakened several hours later by Blaine’s throaty whisper in his ear. “You make me so happy.”

Kurt rolls over to face Blaine and says “You are the best big spoon I’ve ever known.”

Blaine’s face is so open right now, his eyes are shining and his forehead is free of the stress lines that often appear when he’s trying to speak. Kurt brings his hand up to run through Blaine’s hair. Blaine cuddles into Kurt’s neck, inhaling his scent and then sighing.

“I-I-I have to go,” Blaine says wearily, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“No!” Kurt protests. “You could just stay here forever, on the floor. We could just live in this nest of blankets on my floor. Forever.” Kurt rubs Blaine’s warm back with his hand, not wanting him to leave.

“We could,” Blaine agrees easily. “However, then we mmm-might fail out of ss-ss-school. I-I-I have homework I nn-nah-need to dd-dd-do.”

“Booooo. Homework. Quit school and we’ll join the circus.”

“Kurt,” Blaine says, “if the carnies dd-didn’t wwwwwant us, why ww-ww-would the circus folk?”

“How dare you use logic?” Kurt asks.

Blaine stands up then and reaches his hand down to Kurt, who accepts it and pulls himself up. The boys dig around by the couch for their shirts and Blaine puts on his shoes and coat. He walks to the door and Kurt follows. As they stand in the doorway, Kurt leans in to kiss Blaine again, the kind of kiss that says “you should stay.” After a minute Blaine pulls back and gives Kurt a questioning look.

“Earlier, dd-did you tell mmmmme that you quote unquote ‘love my hair?’ Which wwwwwould mm-mean that every time you tell me I-I-I nah-need a haircut, you ddddon’t rr-really mean it?”

“Yes. Grumble, grumble. I love your hair. I love touching it, I love the way it curls, I love the way it smells.”

“Hell. Yes. I ww-ww-win this round, Kurt Hummel!” Blaine plants a quick kiss on Kurt’s cheek and bounds down the stairs, laughter echoing behind him.

“Who said it’s a competition?” Kurt yells over the railing.

“I’m pretty sure you dd-did!” Blaine’s face smiles up at Kurt as he backs out the door to the street.

Kurt walks into his apartment, a fond smile on his face. He’s not surprised to realize that he’s falling in love with the boy that just beat him at his own game.


	10. Chapter 10

“Well, well, well, look who’s finally decided to return from the world’s longest brunch.” Matt’s sitting on his bed, strumming one of his many guitars when Blaine walks into their room that evening.

“Www-what are you dah-doing here?”

“Three hours ago you sent me a text saying that you had big news and that you’d be home soon.” Matt sets aside his guitar and turns to watch Blaine take off his coat and shoes.

“I didn’t mm-mm-mean you had to wwwwait. We took a nah-nap. Lost track of time.” Blaine sits on the edge of his bed.

“So...?” Matt begins.

“So...?” Blaine responds.

“You’re not gonna tell me?” Matt asks.

Blaine shrugs and smiles impishly.

“When you didn’t come home, I casually texted Puck and found out that he and Rachel are in Pennsylvania today. Meaning that you and Kurt had the apartment to yourselves.” Matt says all this as though he’s the best detective the world has ever known.

Blaine nods and continues smiling impishly.

“So, what happened?”

Blaine shrugs again, half because he’s having fun teasing Matt and half because he almost doesn’t want to talk about it yet. It was such an amazing afternoon, he doesn’t want to have to summarize it into a few words.

“Blaine!” Matt yells with exasperation. “Did you or did you not fellate your boyfriend today?”

Blaine can’t help but laugh, which serves to instigate Matt further.

“That’s it,” Matt says, as he pulls out his phone and pretends to text. “Dear Kurt, Blaine refuses to admit to fellating you this afternoon...”

“You wouldn’t dah-dare!” Blaine cries, as he leaps across the room to grab at Matt’s phone.

“Oh, I most certainly would dare. I will go above your head in matters like this. When you’re withholding information and being an assclown,” Matt stands up and gives Blaine his pretend look of intimidation. Both boys agreed it’s not an expression that ever really works because Matt looks exactly like the evil monkey that lives in the closet on Family Guy when he does it. And that really just isn’t intimidating. 

“I’m not being an assclown!” Blaine retorts.

Matt smiles at him for a second. “I’d like to briefly pause this ridiculous argument to point out that you said a b-word without stuttering.”

“I know!” Blaine’s half yelling, but smiling broadly. “It happens sss-sss-sometimes lately!”

“Awesome, man.” Matt gives Blaine a good-natured punch to the shoulder. “Now I’m unpausing.”

Blaine makes a go ahead gestures, though he’s still smiling.

“You can’t text me and say you have big news and then decide not to TELL me the news!” Matt continues his rant, as though he never stopped.

“Fine.” Blaine drops back down on his bed. “I didn’t fellate him. I mm-mm-made his junk smell like bb-bb-bah-bah-berries. I used sssssome of Rachel’s hand cream be-be-be-before I thought about it.”

“Seriously?” Matt also drops back down on his bed.

“I dd-dah-don’t think I could ever joke about such a dd-dumbass mis-mis-mis-take.”

“It’s rookie, Blaine, I’m not gonna sugar coat it. You were so excited to go over there. I thought you had this under control.”

“Me, too,” Blaine agrees.

“So then what?”

“Well, I think I gave him a fairly ddd-decent hand job. He sssseemed to like it.”

“And? Why are you still doing this to me? DID ANYONE FELLATE ANYONE TODAY???”

“I-I-I-I think you’re addicted to the www-word fellate.”

Matt makes angry strangling gestures with his hands and tries to look intimidating again.

“Ok. Yes. Fine. I-I-I rr-rr-received fellatio from my bb-bb-bb-boy-boy-boyfriend this afternoon.” Blaine raises his hands in “are you happy now?” type gesture, but he’s blushing and honestly can’t wipe the stupid grin off his face, so the effect falls flat.

“YES!” Matt leaps up with a fist pump. “That’s awesome, man. I’m so happy for you.”

Matt goes to high five Blaine and then thinks better of it. “Have you washed your hands yet?”

There’s a knock on their door then and Kerry pokes her head through the crack. 

“Hey guys,” she says, a little smirk across her lips.

Blaine is blushing furiously and Matt looks like the cat who ate the canary.

“Approximately how much of that conversation did you hear?” Matt asks Kerry.

“Not too much,” Kerry says with a smile, as she enters their room. “Though I would imagine that Blaine is a very hygienic person and has already washed his hands after giving his boyfriend a berry scented hand job earlier.”

“Oh mm-mm-my God,” Blaine mumbles, as he stares at the ground. “I-I-I-I think I’m going to dd-dd-die. Can pppppeople die from embarrassment? I-I-I think that’s actually happening to, to, to mm-me right nah-now.”

“Aw, Blaine,” Kerry says gently. “Don’t be embarrassed. The first time Matt ever tried to kiss me he had the worst garlic breath. I’m sure berry scented junk is preferable.”

“Nice try,” Blaine says to Kerry, as he pulls one of his blankets over his head and lays down. “Bb-bb-but I’m a ghost nah-nah-now. I have literally dd-dd-died of embarrassment. Feel free tt-tah-to go about your dd-day.”

Kerry laughs and turns to Matt. “You ready to get something to eat?” Matt nods. 

“You want to come with us, Blaine?” Kerry asks.

“No thanks,” comes Blaine’s muffled voice from beneath the blanket. “Ghosts dah-don’t eat.”

“What about chicken?” Matt asks.

Blaine pokes his head out from under the blanket. “Um. They mmm-mmm-might enjoy chicken, nah-now and then.”

“Then we’ll bring Ghost!Blaine some chicken,” Matt says, as he and Kerry leave the room.

~~~~~

A Moment of Kerry

I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it’s so rare that I get to hear Matt and Blaine talk so candidly. Well, Blaine really, Matt will talk candidly to anyone, anytime. And never stop.

Blaine’s gotten less shy around me recently, but for the most part, he usually just smiles a lot and talks to Matt. He’s never rude, but he very rarely interacts directly with me. In fact, this most recent exchange, about dying from embarrassment, is probably the most he’s ever said to me. Maybe the awkwardness will make us better friends in the long run. I know Blaine is funny and kind and I really do hope someday we’ll be something more like friends. 

And I couldn’t help but listen to them through the door because the way they talk to each other and the way they like and respect each other, is sort magnificent to behold. It almost makes me jealous. Everyone deserves to have a friendship like Matt and Blaine. 

I do have that one good and wonderful friend, but she goes to school across the country. I’ve made friends here, but I’ve been spending an awful lot of time with Matt since we started dating and I miss the camaraderie of a best friend. Someone who accepts you and loves you and is there for you.

I wonder if Rachel’s in the market for a friend. Maybe we could go get manicures. Because talking to Matt about food, guitars and Blaine’s love life gets old sometimes. 

~~~~~

Thanksgiving sneaks up on Blaine while he’s busy being happy. He and Kurt book the same flight to Ohio on Tuesday afternoon before the holiday. The boys decided to get the meeting of parents out of the way within a several hour time period. So, the plan is dinner with the Andersons and then Blaine will drive Kurt to Lima, where he’ll stay the night and drive back home later on Wednesday.

Blaine’s mom is waiting for them at baggage claim. Her face breaks into a grin as she catches sight of Blaine. Blaine points her out to Kurt and as they approach his heart is hammering in his chest. He’s not sure why though, he knows his mom is going to love Kurt.

Kurt’s not sure how he imagined Blaine’s mom, but she’s taller than he expected, maybe a smidge taller than Blaine, even. She has short, dark hair and a smile so much like Blaine’s that Kurt can’t stop looking at it

“Oh, Bud!” Blaine’s mom exclaims, putting her hands on both his cheeks and kissing his forehead. “I’m so happy to see you.” She squeezes him into a hug. When she lets go, she turns to greet Kurt.

“And this must be the Kurt I’ve been hearing so much about!” His mom says as she shakes Kurt’s hand. “I’m Michelle Anderson.”

“Actually, this is Andy, mmmmmy other bb-bb-boy-friend,” Blaine says quietly, with laughter in his voice.

“Are you being a smart aleck?” She asks first Blaine, then turns to Kurt again and asks him “Is Blaine being a smart aleck?”

Kurt smiles and says “I believe he is. He does that sometimes.”

“He doesn’t really,” she responds. “I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him say anything remotely smart aleck-y in his life.”

She smiles at Blaine and says “I like it. Keep it up.” Blaine laughs at that and gives his mom an extra squeeze around her shoulders.

“So, Kurt? Are you hungry? I left Blaine’s brother at home cooking who knows what. But he insisted.”

“Starved,” Kurt responds.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

I LOVE BLAINE’S MOM.

~~~~~

The car ride to Blaine’s house is companionable and the three make happy small talk for the duration. When they arrive at the house, they enter through the side door to the smell of cooking meat and tomatoes.

“Let’s see what Cooper’s cooked up in my absence,” Blaine’s mom says over her shoulder.

“Whatever it is, it smells good,” Kurt declares as they walk into the house.

They enter the kitchen then and Kurt gets his first look at Blaine’s brother.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

He is dreamy.

~~~~~

Kurt’s eyes go wide when Blaine’s brother puts his hand out to shake. “Hi, I’m Cooper.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kurt says, hoping that his voice is even. 

Cooper leaves everything simmering on the stove and the four of them sit down at the kitchen table, chatting, Cooper chiding Blaine for growing his hair even longer.

“I-I-I-I like it like this,” Blaine remarks, ducking his head, running a hand through his curly hair.

“I don’t know how I feel about it,” Kurt says with pursed lips. Blaine shoots him a knowing look. Kurt’s only downplaying his opinion to get under Blaine’s skin. It’s not working.

“It’s ss-so easy to tay-tay-take care of!” Blaine says.

“It is a bit long, but if you like it,” Blaine’s mom intones, in a most mom-like fashion.

“Let’s, uh, change the ss-ss-subject.” Blaine is literally squirming, as he tends to do when the topic of conversation turns to him.

“Gregory should be home any second,” Michelle says, glancing at the clock. “We’ll be able to eat soon.” At that moment they hear the garage door start to open.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

I am a little bit scared.

~~~~~

Blaine’s dad comes through the door then and is not at all the man Kurt was expecting.

He’s shorter than Blaine, filling out around his stomach in a decidedly middle-age spread. His clothes are impeccable, but the thinning hair and outdated glasses almost make him look comical to Kurt. He’s certainly not the imposing figure that Kurt had built up in his mind.

“Hello, family,” he says eyes looking at each of them in turn.

“Blaine, good to see you, and you too Cooper,” he gives both boys a hearty looking shoulder squeeze.

“Is this Kurt then?” He asks. And in that moment, Kurt realizes that Blaine’s dad is nervous. The way his hands are fluttering and his eyes are unfocused, his mannerisms are so much like how Blaine acts when he’s ill prepared for a situation.

Kurt stands to shake the man’s hand, and looks him directly in the eye. At Kurt’s full height, he nearly towers over him. Kurt makes a point of tipping his chin up a bit and keeping his neck long, but he smiles his most winning smile.

“Yes, Kurt Hummel,” and for good measure he adds, “sir.”

“Greg Anderson,” Blaine’s dad says. “Pleasure to meet you.” He seems to be having trouble maintaining eye contact, but the handshake is firm, which leads Kurt to believe his issue is internal, rather than with Kurt specifically.

“So, something smells quite wonderful in here,” Greg says.

“Yes, Cooper made dinner while I picked up the boys at the airport,” Michelle replies, as she stands up, she gives her husband a small smile and a quick pat on the arm. They exchange something briefly using only their eyes and Kurt thinks he just learned an awful lot about Blaine’s family dynamics.

Kurt is definitely looking forward to their two hour drive together later that evening, that much is for sure.

~~~~~

After goodbyes and thanks yous and we must do this agains, Kurt and Blaine are finally on their way to Lima.

Kurt hears Blaine’s mom whisper as they’re leaving, “You sound incredible, Bud. Your speech is the best I’ve ever heard it.” Blaine smiles and hugs her a little tighter. 

“I’ll ss-see you tomorrow,” Blaine says and with that the boys make their way to the car.

As soon as they shut both doors, Blaine turns to Kurt and says “I, I, I have absolutely nah-no idea who those people ww-were!”

“What do you mean?”

“That wah-was nnnnot my family. They were like, like, uh, smiling and happy to ss-see each other and downright pleasant to be, be, be, be around. Wait. No. I take that bah-bah-bbback, that was not my dad. My mmmmom and Cooper are pretty mm-muh-much like that.”

Kurt’s eyes go wide, “Your dad was one of the top 10 most surprising things that has ever happened to me in my life.”

“I KNOW!” Blaine yells, as he backs the car out of the driveway. “It was soooooo weird. I-I-I-I don’t even know how to explain it. Bbbb-bah-but like even the way he, he, he was treating my mah-mom and Coop. Just... weird. Different. Good. Weird.” Blaine says these words like he really can’t settle on a decent assessment of the situation, which is completely understandable.

“Well, whoever it was, he didn’t seem so bad,” Kurt says.

“I’ll keep you ppp-posted. This could buh-be a fluh-fluke.” 

“I really like your mom. I like that she calls you bud, my dad always calls me bud,” Kurt says, feeling like he’s babbling a bit. He can tell Blaine’s mind is all over the place right now and he’s not sure how to assuage him.

“Yeah, I-I-I like my my mmmom a lot. I have no idea wha-what to think of mmmy dad though. So weird.”

“I hope my family hasn’t changed personalities since I last saw them.”

“That was like... bah-bah-bizarre. Like pod people. Or pp-pod pp-person.”

Kurt remembers that what he wanted to tell Blaine earlier. “He was nervous.”

“Who?”

“Your dad. He was nervous.”

“No way,” Blaine scoffs and shoots Kurt a look of pure surprise.

“I know a thing or two about what Anderson’s are like when they’re nervous and your dad was nervous. Not the whole time, just at the beginning. He was doing a lot stuff that you do.”

They’re at a red light, so Blaine turns to raise his eyebrows at Kurt, in his usual questioning, but speechless, gesture.

“He couldn’t maintain eye contact, his hands were fluttering and his palms were sweaty.”

Blaine makes a considering noise as he merges onto the highway. “He stah-stah-stuttered as a kid, but, but, but, but he, uh, grew out of it.”

“You never told me that. Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t rr-rr-rr-really like talking about him. And I dah-don’t like talking about mm-mm-my fucked up relationship with him. But, but, but, uh, I know a bah-big reason our relationship is so fucked up is be-be-be-because he ssssstuttered.”

“It does kind of explain a lot Blaine.”

Kurt watches Blaine’s Adam’s apple bob for 30 seconds, maybe even a full minute, his lips moving with nothing coming out. He squints his eyes at the lights of oncoming traffic and starts turning the car to the side of the road. He puts the car in park and takes a deep breath, his eyes trained on the steering wheel.

Blaine starts, “I know. I know it explains … pretty much everything. Part of why I dddidn’t bbb-br-bring up my dad’s ssstutter is because I knew we wwwwould have to talk about it in terms of my, my, my ssstutter. And sometimes I-I-I-I get tired of talking about mm-my speech.” 

“We don’t ever have to talk about your speech, if you don’t want to. But I like learning about what you’re doing in therapy. I like not just seeing your progress, but I like hearing you talk about it.”

Blaine can’t help but smile at Kurt, because he knows that’s the truth.

“I know. And I ww-will keep telling you about it. The other part of why I never told you about mm-my dah-dah-dad’s sss-sss-stutter is that I knew it would mmmake him ssseem l-l-l-like even a, a, a wah-worse person than he mmmight originally seem. I was kind of, um, protecting him.”

It’s Kurt’s turn to employ a speechless questioning look.

“Like, the fact that he used to ssstutter and isn’t … compassionate about mmmmy st-st-stutter mah-makes him a complete … douchebag.”

“Yes, that is a succinct way to put it. But why would you protect him?”

“Honestly? I dah-don’t know. When I-I-I-I figure it out I’ll give you a heads up.”

“I hate what happened between you and your father in the past, but you can always talk to me about anything. I can tell you that your dad does seem to be trying. My dad always says you can tell a lot about a person by their handshake. And your dad’s was firm and sincere.”

Blaine makes a noise deep in his throat. The one that Kurt knows is accompanied by a blinking, head shake, lip twitch, even if he can’t see it in the darkened car. Blaine’s shoulders hunch in a way that makes Kurt’s heart ache, like he’s preparing to cave in on himself. Kurt senses that Blaine is very close to falling apart.

Kurt takes Blaine’s hand in his. He brushes Blaine’s knuckles and the calluses on his fingertips and rubs circles on his palm. Blaine’s hand is limp in Kurt’s, as though he doesn’t even really have the strength to respond. Kurt’s prepared to be quiet and allow Blaine all the time he needs to get through his thoughts and all of the emotions he must be dealing with.

Blaine sighs quietly and shakes himself out of his reverie. He uses his free hand to swipe over his face and rubs at his eyes. He inhales sharply through his nose, squeezes Kurt’s hand and looks at him. “Ok,” he says, bobbing his head.

“Ok, what?” Kurt asks confusedly.

“Ok, let’s keep mah-moving.”

“Seriously? Were you or were you not on the verge of a nervous breakdown?”

“What? No. I nnnneeded to, to, to uh, think.”

“Really? That’s it? You were pretty much freaking out, I thought you were going to like cry or something. And now you’re just... whatever?”

“I am just... whatever,” Blaine agrees with a shrug.

“Ok. So. That’s interesting. I guess we’ll continue.”

And they do.

~~~~~

As they draw closer to Kurt’s house, Blaine can sense that Kurt is excited to go home. They pull onto his quiet street and Kurt says “You can park in the driveway. No one is going anywhere tonight.” Kurt’s about to open his door and leap out, when Blaine puts a hand on his forearm.

Blaine is biting his lip. “Did you... did you ww-warn them?”

Kurt obviously knows what Blaine means and he realizes for the hundredth time how big of a deal this evening is for Blaine.

“No,” Kurt says gently. “I told my dad, but it was a while ago and in the context of a larger story. And I did tell Carole a lot about you and I mentioned your speech, but it wasn’t a warning.” Kurt quirks a little smile at Blaine and they both exit the car.

Blaine stops on the front walk and Kurt turns to him, “Don’t worry, they’re nice people. You’re going to love them.”

Blaine almost laughs at this. It never even crossed his mind whether or not he’d like Kurt’s family. They’re Kurt’s family, he’ll like them because of Kurt. Blaine has bigger concerns at the moment.

“Www-what if,” Blaine winces and squeezes his eyes shut. “www-what if they dd-don’t think I’m good enough for you?”

With the way Blaine’s confidence has been soaring the past few weeks, it’s been really easy for Kurt to forget how low Blaine’s self esteem can go. And right now it’s bottoming out in the middle of Kurt’s front walk.

“Please don’t worry about that. They’re going to like you, because I like you and I pretty much never bring guys home so they already know that you’re important.”

“Ok.” Blaine exhales, “One other thing. Wwwhat if I ss-ss-start ssssstuttering really bb-bb-bad or have a bb-bb-blah-block? Do you think it’ll www-www-weird them out?”

“I doubt it. But if you feel like you’re going to block or like you need my help or something, pinch my leg and I’ll cover for you.”

Blaine nods, though he still looks extremely nervous. Kurt throws an arm around Blaine and guides him the rest of the way to the porch.

They enter the house and Blaine can hear a tv in the distance and smell something sweet coming from what he assumes is the direction of the kitchen. It’s 10:30 at night and Blaine can’t help but feel like he’s imposing.

“Hello!” Kurt calls, as he motions to Blaine to drop his stuff by the stairs.

“Kurt!” comes a voice from the top of the stairs followed by a rumble of footsteps. A fairly hulking figure has made his way down to them and is currently squeezing Kurt into a nearly painful looking bear hug. Kurt doesn’t seem to mind. He’s definitely laughing.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine

This guy is terrifying.

~~~~~

“Finn!” Kurt laughs as he pulls away. Then he turns to Blaine, who had been doing his finest impression of an inanimate object that’s also invisible. Kurt pulls him closer and introduces him to The Hulk, aka Finn.

“Finn, Blaine, Blaine, Finn.” Blaine takes a moment to surreptitiously swipe his hand on his jeans before shaking Finn’s hand.

“It’s good to meet you, man,” Finn says with a smile. Blaine nods and smiles, but before he has a chance to respond, Kurt’s dad is upon them, with his stepmother following close behind. While Kurt is embraced by his dad in what looks to Blaine like one of the best hugs ever, Kurt’s stepmom introduces herself.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine

She should hug me. I would like to her to hug me.

~~~~~

“I’m guessing you’re Blaine,” she beams. “I’m Carole.” She puts her hand out to shake and Blaine nods again. He’s doing his best to keep a smile on his face, even though his cheeks are starting ache. It’s Carole’s turn to greet Kurt, so Blaine finds himself face to face with Kurt’s dad. Blaine is completely in awe of the man already, just from the things that Kurt has said about him.

~~~~~

A moment of Blaine

I feel like I’m about to meet a celebrity.

~~~~~

“Blaine, it is a real pleasure to meet you,” Burt exclaims as he literally pumps Blaine’s hand.

“Thank you, Mmmmister Hummel,” Blaine replies, letting his eyes drift to floor. He really didn’t want to stutter. He even practiced saying mister with Chad.

“Hey, call me Burt ok?” Burt says with a warm smile and a clap on Blaine’s shoulder.

“Sure,” Blaine sighs, knowing that will never happen. He couldn’t even say mister, he’ll never be able to say Burt. But he tries to push that thought out of his head and pay attention to everything that’s going on around him.

“We’ve heard a lot about you, Blaine,” Carole is saying. “I love the story of how you boys met. Like something out of a movie.”

“I-I-I-I know. Rr-rr-really wah-weird,” Blaine agrees. He side-eyes Finn when he talks, curious about his reaction to Blaine’s speech. But Finn seems to be caught up in trying to watch a tv that’s several rooms away.

“Yes, yes, it’s all very cute,” Kurt pipes up. “But do I smell pie? Like maybe apple pie?”

“Yes!” Carole says. “Apple pie. Would you boys like some?”

Blaine nods and smiles. He can do this. He thinks he can do this. He has Kurt with him and Kurt won’t let him flounder for words. 

As Blaine walks into the kitchen he enjoys the banter of the people around him. He can tell from their small talk that Kurt’s is a family that likes and respects each other. Unfortunately, Blaine can feel a lot of his tics starting up and he hasn’t even tried to talk yet. His jaw is clenching and he’s blinking a lot. 

Carole cuts everyone a nice hearty slice of pie and then offers ice cream and whipped cream. 

The five of them sit down at the table and Burt goes into “dad question mode.” He asks Blaine how he likes the city, his classes, his major. He asks if Blaine’s a football fan, if he thinks Ohio has a shot this weekend, if he’s been to a game. Burt asks where he grew up, what his parents do, if he has any siblings. 

~~~~~

A Moment of Carole

Oh, Burt honey. That’s a lot of questions you just asked him. Take a breather.

I wish I could think of some way to make this boy feel more comfortable. He looks absolutely terrified. Kurt said he’s very quiet, but I never expected him to look scared to be here.

~~~~~

Blaine fumbles for answers, not stuttering too badly, but strangers still make him uncomfortable. And even if this Kurt’s family, with his stepmom smiling encouragingly and his dad is asking interesting questions and his stepbrother zoning out making shapes in his melting ice cream, they’re still strangers. Blaine still has all of his usual hesitations around them, worrying that they think he’s stupid or rude when he doesn’t answer a question fully. He does his best, though. Because this is for Kurt.

After Burt’s rapid-fire questions, he seems to decide to let Blaine off the hook for a bit. So Blaine sits quietly and lets the conversation go on around him. He wants to talk, in fact, he’s gotten so used to talking lately that sitting here silently feels unnatural. But he’s so worried about the impression he’s making, that by the time he thinks of something to say, the conversation has moved on.

“Blaine,” Carole starts. “I’ve been meaning to tell Kurt that I have a cousin who stutters. He’s tried just about everything to get his under control, drugs, intensive therapy programs, but nothing ever seems to help him. I’m glad to hear that your speech therapy is going so successfully.”

Finn and Burt freeze with their forks halfway to their mouths and glance at each other. Blaine knows everyone assumes this is awkward for him, but he once again has a strong urge to hug Carole. The fact that she brought it up (and the fact that Kurt talked to her about) makes Blaine beam.

“I dah-don’t know if sss-sss-successful is the rr-rr-right word, yet. It’s going ww-ww-well though,” Blaine says shyly. He sighs and chances a look at the faces around the table. They’re all looking at him with curiosity now and Kurt’s face is full of encouragement. Kurt’s hand gives Blaine’s thigh a gentle rub.

“Just... ddd-ddd-don’t judge the process bb-bb-bb-by-by how I’m talking rrrrrr-right nah-now. I’m … a little nnn-nah-nervous, tonight. To sss-say the least.” Blaine punctuates that sentiment with a silly face and everyone has a good chuckle.

Kurt gives Blaine’s thigh a light punch under the table, which Blaine interprets as “Way to be charming!” Blaine responds with two light punches and Kurt interprets them as “I had no idea I could be charming!” Neither boy can stop smiling. 

Suffice to say, things go much smoother after that.


	11. Chapter 11

Blaine wakes up early, the sky still dark, as he often does in unfamiliar beds. Particularly when he has far too much on his mind. Kurt’s family is so different from his own, so free from the constraints and formalities and impenetrable walls that his own family puts up around each other. He sighs and turns over. Even though the guest room bed is comfortable, he’s not sure he’s going to be able to fall back to sleep.

There’s a soft knock on the door and Kurt peaks in. Blaine sits up and squints at the faint light filtering in around Kurt and smiles. Kurt bounds over to the bed in two long strides and jumps in next to Blaine and scrabbles under the covers. Blaine lays down face to face with Kurt and Kurt pulls all the covers over their heads.

“Hi,” Kurt says quietly, breath scented with toothpaste.

Blaine pulls back. “Uh-uh,” he grumbles, as he puts his hand in front of his mouth. “Nnnot fair that you bb-bb-bruh-brushed your teeth. Wait rr-right here.”

Blaine’s back in a minute and now feels more prepared for this pre-dawn cuddle session. He gets back under the covers and pulls all the blankets over them again. He snuggles over to Kurt and gives him a light kiss.

“Mmm. Minty fresh,” Kurt hums into his mouth. “Why didn’t you sleep in my room last night?”

“I-I-I dunno. I felt wah-weird telling Carole that that I could ssss-stay with you. I mmmean, she dah-did put these lovely, comfy sheets on in here.”

“These sheets are lovely,” Kurt yawns as he rubs the pillowcase. “Yeah, I guess I felt weird about announcing that you would be sleeping with me after Carole mentioned making up the guest room. Such an awkward thing to say when parental assumptions are made.”

“How about we have a ss-sleepover at your apartment on Sssunday nah-night when we get bbb-bbb-back?”

“Yes! Brilliant. I’ve been waiting for you to suggest something like that.” 

Blaine does his favorite face scrunching expression and Kurt kisses his nose.

“So, wwww-why are you awake?” Blaine asks.

“I don’t know. I woke up and remembered you were here and wanted to see you immediately. Why are you awake?”

Blaine shrugs as best he can, when lying on his side, huddled under blankets. “Just thinking.”

Kurt finds Blaine’s hand and brings it up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. “Anything you’d like to share?”

Blaine’s pretty sure he’s never felt more like sharing in his entire life. This moment feels so safe, so warm, and Kurt’s eyes beg for Blaine to talk. Normally, this kind of intimacy would feel unnatural, close to scary even, for Blaine. But here in the guest room of Kurt’s parents house, it feels right. It feels like the moment he’s been searching for his entire life. And now that Kurt’s seen Blaine’s family and maybe has a better understanding of their dynamics, Blaine feels ready to talk about this.

“Um. Thinking about mm-my dah-dad.”

Kurt nods understandingly. “I didn’t want to push it last night, but you really can talk to me about this. About anything. Or you don’t have to talk at all, ever, for the rest of our lives, and you can smile and kiss me a lot.”

Blaine can’t help but chuckle at this idea. It really doesn’t sound like such a bad life to him, as long as he gets to hang out with Kurt. But the topic at hand won’t let him linger on happy times with Kurt. 

Kurt watches Blaine’s face change from relaxed to serious to worried. 

He squeezes Blaine’s hand again.

“So, what’s up?” Kurt prods gently.

Blaine squeezes back.

“It’s just, why nah-now? After all these years of bb-bb-be-being such a … dah-dick, now my dad decides to be a de-de-de-decent person. I mean, now I have other people in mm-mm-my life helping me and sss-sss-supporting me. Where was he when I was all alone?”

“How alone?” Kurt winces even asking the question. He’s not sure he even wants to know the answer, but it popped out of his mouth before he could think better of it.

“Well,” Blaine starts, cocking a rueful eyebrow. “I-I-I-I didn’t have any close friends, not rr-rr-really any friends, not that I could... talk to. And I dd-dd-definitely dah-didn’t have you. My mm-mm-mah-mom used to be mmmm-more distant or maybe I used to keep her at a di-di-di-distance? I dunno. I can’t really figure it out. And Cooper left for college ww-when I was 9, so he wah-wasn’t rrrr-really around when I could have used him. I … pretty mm-much just talked to Paula. My bb-bb-buh-best friend was mmmy therapist.”

Blaine’s candor squeezes Kurt’s heart. Kurt doesn’t want to think about the lonely years of Blaine’s life. Kurt knew they existed, from other things Blaine has mentioned in the past and from the letter that he wrote Kurt all those months ago. But to hear him talk about it makes Kurt feel like crying. Blaine seems so well adjusted recently that it’s easy to ignore that he wasn’t always like this.

And as he imagines younger Blaine, Kurt can hardly suppress his emotions. He pictures Blaine alone on a playground, in a hallway, at a lunch table. Blaine alone in all of theses scenes, smaller, quieter, wanting to fit in and have friends, but unsure of how to accomplish a task that most people take for granted. Even on the worst days of his life, Kurt had at least a couple of true friends.

Thinking about that little Blaine could make Kurt cry. Knowing that on the inside, he was still Kurt’s happy, smiley Blaine who’s so intelligent and has such an amazing sense of humor and had no one to share it with for so long. Blaine, never believing that anyone even wanted him to share or that he was worth it. Blaine, searching for moments and situations where it was ok to be himself and all too often coming up short. 

Kurt nods, wanting Blaine to go on, hoping he won’t stop there. Blaine moves his body in closer to Kurt, needing to feel him right next to him. Kurt rolls onto his back and pulls the covers down a little. Blaine finds a comfortable spot to rest his cheek on Kurt’s chest and Kurt’s arm goes around him, his fingers lightly caressing Blaine’s bicep. Embraced like this by Kurt, Blaine feels like he won’t be able to stop the words that have been building up inside of him for years. Before he lets himself go, he feels like he needs to warn Kurt.

“Are you sure you ww-ww-want to hear all this? It mm-might take a wwwww-while.”

“We have all the time in the world.” And they do, Carole left for a 12 hour shift soon after everyone headed to bed last night, and Burt will sleep like a log for another hour or two. He finally hired someone to open the shop, so his early mornings are over for the most part. And Finn certainly isn’t going to bother them anytime soon.

They stay like this for a few minutes, Kurt sure that Blaine will go on when he gets his thoughts in order. He feels Blaine’s warm breath through his thin t-shirt. He moves his hand up and runs his fingers softly through Blaine’s hair. Another minute or two passes.

“Can I whisper?” Blaine asks hesitantly.

“Of course,” Kurt responds gently. 

“Ok,” Blaine sighs. He nuzzles his face into Kurt’s chest briefly and then flips onto his stomach so he can look into Kurt’s eyes.

“I … hate my father,” he starts softly. He searches Kurt’s eyes for a hint of judgment, particularly because he assumes Kurt could never understand such negative emotions aimed at anyone’s dad. Not with a dad like Burt Hummel in your corner. But, all Blaine sees there is sadness, mixed with something like gentle curiosity. Kurt moves to lay on his side, moving in a bit closer, to make sure he doesn’t miss any of Blaine’s whispered thoughts. Kurt runs his fingertips down Blaine’s back. Blaine leans his chin on his arms folded in front of him, not wanting to look at Kurt during this next part.

“I hate how he treats me. I hate how he treats my mom. I hate how he’s never acted like a dad. When I was younger, I was almost... relieved when I didn’t grow out of my stutter, because that meant I wasn’t like him. It meant I would never be like him.”

“I...” Blaine squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, as if trying to rattle his thoughts loose. “I was so afraid of him. I haven’t wanted to tell you a lot of this stuff. I almost don’t know where to start.”

“If you had to describe your father in three words, what would they be?”

Blaine moves his head so his cheek is resting on his arms now and he looks at Kurt. “Withholding. Negative... Does fucked-up count as one word or two?”

Kurt continues his gentle massage of Blaine’s back, wanting Blaine to be aware that he’s there, but not wanting to impede his thought process with other words.

“We’ll hyphenate it for the purpose of this exercise.”

Blaine nods and rolls over on his back. He shuts his eyes and steals himself for what he’s about to say. Blaine finds himself unable to whisper the next part. “He used to... hit me. Not all the time, just dd-dah-during my www-worst bbb-bbb-blocks. He wah-would always apologize. He never actually hurt me. Bbbb-but. It’s … dd-dd-definitely part of why I hate to talk so much. Conditioning, I guess. I nnn-nn-nah-never told anyone be-be-be-before.” 

He pushes the heels of hands into his eyes. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t even really feel like crying, but he can feel tears prickling in his eyes. He’s never told anyone about his dad hitting him before. Not Paula, not Matt, not Chad. And he never had bruises, there were never any marks, no one could see it. It’s not like he was beaten, or at least that’s how he always tried to comfort himself when he was younger. He doesn’t even know what else to say about it to Kurt. It’s sort of embarrassing to him now, that his father would do that. It’s so dysfunctional. He wants to distance himself from it, but he really wanted Kurt to know.

“No one, not Paula? And what about your mom?” Kurt asks quietly. He’s having trouble imagining Blaine’s mom letting his dad hit him. He’s having trouble imagining a situation where someone would watch Blaine get hit and not try to stop it.

Blaine makes his quiet throaty noise in response to Kurt, letting him know he heard the question, but wanting to convey that it might take him a minute to answer. He’s trying to collect his thoughts, knowing he doesn’t have to feel embarrassed about any of this, not in front of Kurt.

He opens his eyes, but still can’t look at Kurt. “I-I-I never told Paula. And I-I-I-I assume mmm-my mom knew it wah-was happening. She wah-wah-was never there. He, he, he, he would nah-never hit mmm-me in front of her. I mean, I always assumed she knew and I-I-I could never understand why she didn’t stop him. But may-may-maybe she didn’t know?” Blaine’s mostly talking to himself at this point. It never dawned on him, he never even thought. What if his mom didn’t know? What if she could have helped him?

Kurt has this indescribable urge to somehow physically cover Blaine, to keep anyone from ever hurting him ever again. He wants to literally lay on top of Blaine and stay there until he forgets all of the negative things that have happened to him, until they both forget. But that won’t keep out a cruel world and it can’t change what happened in the past. Instead, Kurt takes Blaine’s hands and draws him into a sitting position on the bed. Kurt kneels in front of him and hugs him with all his might. After a second of shock, Blaine returns the hug with equal force.

“I love you,” Kurt says, into Blaine’s ear and then kisses the shell of it.

Blaine buries his face in Kurt’s shoulder and hums happily. But then he startles and pulls away.

“Wait. What? You dah-do?” His face is full of disbelief and is just bordering on a smile.

“Yeah. I do.” Kurt leans his forehead against Blaine’s and says, “I’m in love with you.”

Blaine quickly stands up on the bed, gives a little bounce and a whoop of joy. And then covers his mouth quickly remembering that it’s only 7 o’clock in the morning and other people are still sleeping. He drops back down on the bed in front of Kurt and plants kisses all over Kurt’s face.

“I guess you find this news to your liking?”

“Oh God. Kurt. You have na-no idea. I love you so much. I think I’ve bb-bb-bb-been in love with you since the first time I ssss-saw you. I wwwww-wanted to tell you for sss-so long. I just,” Blaine blushes and stops here, for brief a moment, finding the words. “I dd-didn’t ww-want to overwhelm you, if you weren’t there yet.”

“I’m there, I’ve been there for a while. I think I was saving it, for when you needed it. Or for when I needed you to hear it.”

“I needed it,” Blaine breathes into Kurt’s ear. “I really, really needed it.”

“I’m sorry I interrupted your deep confessions. I had a feeling you needed to know, right away. Do you want to finish talking about your dad?”

“No. Seriously. I don’t think I could get bb-bah-bah-back into that frame of mmmm-mind rr-right now anyway. Doesn’t mmm-matter. You love me. I love you. That’s what matters.”

Blaine tackles Kurt onto the bed, wanting to show him how much loves him, knowing that his actions are often more effective than his words. Blaine starts kissing him, brushing Kurt’s lips with his own. His hand finds Kurt’s waist and he lets his thumb sneak under the edge of Kurt’s t-shirt and rub the soft, smooth skin there. Kurt brings a hand to Blaine’s neck and lazily plays with the wisps of hair at back of it. 

Unfortunately, they both know they can’t get too involved right now, the sun has risen fully, and they can hear Kurt’s dad in the shower. Kurt pulls away and then decides to blow a raspberry on Blaine’s neck. Blaine giggles.

“I love how you giggle,” Kurt says. “You literally say ‘hee hee.’”

“I’m glad you love it,” Blaine responds. “I love lots of sss-sss-stuff about you.”

They stay tangled up in each other for a little while longer, until they hear Kurt’s dad in the hallway yell, “Attention boys! If anyone wants breakfast, I’m willing to make it within the next 30 minutes.”

“I’m starving,” Blaine says wide-eyed. 

“Yes! Let’s eat breakfast!” Kurt exclaims, like it’s the best idea anyone has ever had.

The boys hop off the bed and fight each other to get out the door first, because of course it’s a competition.

~~~~~

Before Blaine leaves to drive home that afternoon, they go for coffee at Kurt’s favorite coffee place. Blaine’s happy to learn that The Lima Bean doesn’t ask for names when you order.

They sit down at a table, both in very good spirits, even with the knowledge they won’t see each other again until Sunday. They’re talking about Blaine’s schedule for next semester. He’s taking an extra class, wanting to keep himself busy while Kurt’s away.

“I sss-signed up for that ASL course I had mmm-men-mentioned, bb-bb-but it’s at 8:15 three days a week which mm-might eventually kill me. Or at least bb-bre-bre-bre-break my will to live...” Blaine is saying to Kurt, when he notices a concerned expression ghost across Kurt’s face. Blaine looks at him questioningly. 

“Oh. Shit.” Kurt says under his breath.

“Well, well, well,” says a voice behind Blaine. “If it isn’t Kurt Hummel. I was wondering if I’d run into you this weekend,” Blaine glances behind him and a tall guy, a very tall guy by Blaine’s estimation, is standing there looking at Kurt. Blaine can tell that Kurt is not thrilled to see him, to say the least.

“Hello Sebastian,” Kurt says tersely. Blaine’s never seen Kurt like this before, he’s bristling and clearly on edge. 

Oh, Sebastian, Blaine thinks. This should be interesting.

Sebastian moves so he’s standing by the table, rather than behind Blaine. 

“And who’s this?”

Blaine blinks his eyes a couple of times and sticks his hand out to shake and Kurt says, “This is my boyfriend, Blaine.”

Blaine’s relieved. There’s something about this guy that makes him feel like he might not have been incredibly patient with Blaine’s speech.

“Oh, your... boyfriend,” Sebastian says with mock surprise, raising an eyebrow and giving Blaine a once over. “Well, isn’t that sweet.” He turns his attention fully to Kurt.

“So, what are you doing in Ohio? I seem to recall you swearing you’d never set foot back here once you moved to Amsterdam.”

“I may have run low on funds, but I’m working on it.”

"Sounds illuminating," Kurt says dryly. "And possibly illegal." He adds under his breath.

"My favorite ways to live," Sebastian grins. "Yours too, if my memory serves me correctly."

Kurt rolls his eyes and takes a peek at Blaine, who looks like he’s trying really hard not to laugh. He seems to be watching Sebastian and Kurt’s conversation the same way you would watch a tennis match, swinging his head to look at each boy in turn.

"Rather...if OUR memories serve me correctly. Which...they do." Sebastian adds, when he see the look of distaste Kurt’s wearing.

“Oh Seb. That was a long time ago, must we go there,” Kurt says loftily.

“Oh Kurts. You know I hate when people call me Seb,” Sebastian volleys back. “Maybe I’ll see you around this weekend? Maybe bring your... boyfriend along.”

He tips his head to Blaine and makes his way to the exit.

“That’s the, the, the kind of guy you’re usually attracted to?” Blaine asks.

“If you’re about to say something mean about yourself, I will not hesitate to punch you. I’m not in the mood,” Kurt groans.

Blaines makes his shocked face. “Actually I www-was about to call him a ddd-dah-douchebag.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, as he nods his head. “Okay.”

“I wah-was also going to sss-say that I enjoy www-watching you sss-squirm dah-during awkward run-ins with your ex. That was … “ Here Blaine starts slow clapping.

Kurt raises an eyebrow at him. “This isn’t fair. You have no skeletons in your closet.”

“Oh, come on, Kurt,” Blaine begs. “Give mmm-me this one wah-win.” 

“Fine, but if you keep playing that card, I’m going to start keeping a notebook. And it will include point tallies and even our smallest most innocent battles.”

The boys finish their coffee and as they head out to the car, Blaine can’t stop smiling.

“You know I could sss-start www-wearing my hair like that, Kurts,” Blaine says, making swiping gestures over his head.

Kurt rolls his eyes. At this point it’s easier to let Blaine get this out of his system.

“Maybe if I-I-I-I used one of those... flat irons? I think my mm-mom has one. Or I could just bbb-bbb-blow it out? And swoosh it. Just swoosh mm-my hair. Ya know, Kurts?”

~~~~~

Selected texts from Thanksgiving weekend...

November 27  
@ 9:48 pm  
Blaine: He’s still a pod person.

9:52 pm  
Kurt: Shouldn’t you be relieved that he’s still pod person?  
Kurt: Isn’t it better than the alternative?

9:55 pm  
Blaine: I guess.  
Blaine: This is disconcerting though.  
Blaine: I had a conversation with him and did a SHIT TON of voluntary stuttering  
Blaine: He didn’t bat an eye  
Blaine: It’s weird Kurt. It’s really weird.

9:58 pm  
Kurt: I have no idea what to tell you.  
Kurt: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?  
Kurt: it’s still your turn, btw  
Kurt: Leonardo DiCaprio to John Lithgow

10:02 pm  
Blaine: I didn’t think you were serious with that one.  
Blaine: it’s too easy.  
Blaine: Leo was in Inception with Joseph Gordon-Levitt who was on 3rd rock with Lithgow.

10:05 pm  
Kurt: Curses.

10:06 pm  
Blaine: BJ Novak to Kate Hudson

10:13 pm  
Kurt: BJ Novak is on The Office with John Krasinski   
Kurt: who was in Something Borrowed with Kate Hudson  
Kurt: you’re getting soft on me Anderson

10:16 pm  
Blaine: No. I just wanted you to admit to seeing Something Borrowed.

10:18 pm  
Kurt: Insert me giving you the finger font.  
Kurt: Angelina Jolie to Matthew Perry

\----------

November 28th  
@ 10:44 am  
Blaine: Apparently the Andersons are starting a new tradition.  
Blaine: Today we’re going to chop down our own Christmas tree.

11:15 am  
Kurt: Seriously?  
Kurt: That’s like the last thing I can imagine your family doing.

11:17 am  
Blaine: I know. It’s bizarre.  
Blaine: I’m the most rugged person in my family.  
Blaine: and by rugged I mean willing to walk on grass.

11:23 am  
Kurt: I expect a full report on this later.

7:28 pm  
Blaine: I have no idea how to tell you this  
Blaine: so I’m just going to say it.  
Blaine: Chopping down a Christmas tree  
Blaine: with my family  
Blaine: was almost  
Blaine: fun.

7:32 pm  
Kurt: Why only almost?

7:34 pm  
Blaine: well the activity was fun.  
Blaine: but somehow I got tree sap in my hair.

7:37 pm  
Kurt: BAHAHAHAHAHAH  
Kurt: I want you to know that I’m not laughing at you.

7:39 pm  
Blaine: Liar.  
Blaine: Steve Martin to Colin Firth

\----------

November 29th  
@ 12:02 pm  
Blaine: I can’t take much more family bonding.

12:08 pm  
Kurt: What’s on the agenda today?

12:10 pm  
Blaine: Christmas shopping.

12:12 pm  
Kurt: good luck my friend.  
Kurt: and for when you return  
Kurt: Kristen Bell to Jason Bateman

4:02 pm  
Blaine: So. I found out why my father’s a pod person.  
Blaine: He’s been seeing a therapist since August.  
Blaine: My mom told me, because I made a (mildly) snarky comment about my dad.  
Blaine: she didn’t defend him, per say, but she told me that he’s going to therapy  
Blaine: this is very weird.  
Blaine: I feel weird.  
Blaine: now she told me that he’s been going since we had that fight in the car  
Blaine: So, he had already started by the end of the summer  
Blaine: which makes sense as to why he took me coming out better than expected.  
Blaine: turns out he didn’t tell my mom he was even going until last month.  
Blaine: WTF. for some reason that pisses me off that he didn’t tell her.  
Blaine: I think I’m just looking for reasons to be pissed off.

5:17 pm  
Kurt: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Kurt: I was at the movies! my phone was on silent!  
Kurt: Damn Finn and his fondness for children’s cartoon movies that only play as matinees!  
Kurt: These are INSANE developments  
Kurt: don’t be pissed off. This is a good thing.

5:32 pm  
Blaine: I know. My rage has died down a bit.  
Blaine: and things do make more sense now.

5:34 pm  
Kurt: Good. We’ll have to discuss this further tomorrow.  
Kurt: because I have family bonding to do now  
Kurt: and my dad is giving me dirty looks.

5:37 pm  
Blaine: PS Jason Bateman was actually IN Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Kristen Bell.

6:41 pm  
Kurt: why am I so bad at this game?

\-----------

November 30th  
@ 12:07 am  
Kurt: I feel downtrodden

12:08 am  
Blaine: About what?

12:10 am  
Kurt: About how much better you are than me at Six Degrees of Separation. :(

12:11 am  
Blaine: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH  
Blaine: I’m not laughing at you.

12:13 am  
Kurt: Liar.

12:15 am  
Blaine: You can give me a hard one. Would that make you feel better?  
Blaine: Like the Zsa Zsa Gabor one from last week.

12:27 am  
Kurt: HMMMMM.  
Kurt: Ray Romano  
Kurt: to  
Kurt: Kristen Bell

12:30 am  
Blaine: That can’t be *that* hard  
Blaine: gimme a minute

12:35 am  
Kurt: Tick tock Blainers

12:37 am  
Blaine: This was a doozy Kurt  
Blaine: You almost got me, almost  
Blaine: Kristen Bell was in When in Rome with John Heder  
Blaine: John Heder was in Blades of Glory with Will Ferrell  
Blaine: Will Ferrell was in Night at the Roxbury with Chris Kattan  
Blaine: Chris Kattan was on The Middle with Patricia Heaton  
Blaine: AND Patricia Heaton was of course on Everybody Loves Raymond with you know who

12:43 am  
Kurt: Bravo Blaine. Bravo.

12:44 am  
Blaine: Chris Kattan was the key to it all.

12:45 am  
Kurt: Bet that’s the first time anyone has ever said that sentence...

~~~~~

On Sunday afternoon, Kurt and his dad pick Blaine up and drive to the airport. 

Burt gets out of the car to help grab suitcases, but they’re in a drop off zone, so he can’t stay long. He gives Kurt a quick hug. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks for Christmas, bud.”

Blaine puts his hand out to shake and say thank you, but Burt pulls him into a hug, too. “It was great meeting you, Blaine, really great.”

“It was nnn-nice to mmm-meet you, too,” Blaine says bashfully. “Thanks for the rrrr-rrrr-ride.”

“Anytime, kiddo. Anytime.” Burt turns to Kurt, “Be sure to call me and let me know you got in safe. I’ll talk to you later.”

Later that night, after the airport and cab rides, after Blaine made a stop at the dorm to drop his stuff off and let Matt know he’s staying at Kurt’s tonight, the boys are curled up on Kurt’s bed, watching a dvd. Blaine on his back, with Kurt curled on his side next to him, resting his head on Blaine’s chest.

The boys discussed Blaine’s family developments while sitting in the airport and then for the majority of the plane ride, so they’re both a little tired of the topic, particularly Blaine. Kurt’s willing to talk for as long as Blaine wants to talk. But he can tell Blaine needs a break, so they’ve moved on to lighter topics.

“Matt was nah-not thrilled that I www-wah-was sssssleeping here,” Blaine tells Kurt. “I-I-I-I think he’s jealous.”

“He wants to sleep here, too?” Kurt says, 

“I think he dah-dah-does actually,” Blaine says. “He sssseemed to think we wwwww-were going to have a party without him or ss-ss-something.”

“This is better than a party,” Kurt sighs, as he absentmindedly plays with Blaine’s curls.

Blaine hums his agreement.

“So,” Kurt draws in a breath, as he pauses the dvd. “How about you let me … trim your hair?”

Blaine makes a noise of mock disgust. “You woo mm-me to your home and then dd-dah-dare to ask to cut mmmm-my hair?”

“First of all, you suggested this sleepover. Second of all, just a trim. Your split ends are giving me hives.”

Blaine rolls his eyes, but Kurt can tell that he’s going to assent. With some wordless grumbles and several noisy sighs, Blaine heaves himself off the bed.

“Fine, bb-bb-bbb-bb-but only if you bb-bb-blow it out ssss-straight and then swoosh it, Kurt,” Blaine can’t stop smirking. “Just swoosh the hell out of it.”

Kurt gets up off the bed and pushes Blaine through his bedroom door, out to the kitchen. “Oh, I’ll swoosh your hair. I’ll make it the swooshiest.”

Kurt pulls a chair over to the kitchen sink and tells Blaine to sit. Then he goes into the bathroom and grabs a variety of hair care products, including his favorite volumizing shampoo and conditioner. 

When Kurt returns to the kitchen, Blaine leans his head back into the sink and Kurt uses the spray nozzle to douse his hair. The warm water and Kurt’s hands feel incredible. Blaine closes his eyes and smiles. Kurt gently massages in the shampoo, careful to keep it out of Blaine’s eyes and paying extra attention to Blaine’s temples and his hairline. Particularly when he notices Blaine’s small hums of pleasure. Kurt rinses out the shampoo and then starts in with the conditioner, this time paying paying more attention to Blaine’s hair than to Blaine’s enjoyment. He makes sure to work root to tip, giving Blaine’s fraying hair a good conditioning. 

“God, that was nah-nice, Kurt,” Blaine mumbles, his eyes still closed, as Kurt starts gently towel drying Blaine’s hair. “I mmm-might be, be, be tempted to let you cut mm-my hair on a weekly bb-bbb-bay-basis if you promise to always ww-wah-wash it like that first.”

“Hmm. I’ll have to make note of that somewhere and use it as ammunition in the future,” Kurt muses.

“Yes, fine. You win this rrrr-round,” Blaine smiles.

“Alright, don’t move your head around,” Kurt says as he starts working a comb through Blaine’s hair, which even soaking wet is starting to curl at the ends. 

“A comb, Kurt? Mmmm-my hair laughs at combs,” Blaine scoffs.

Blaine’s right about the comb of course, so Kurt goes back to the bathroom and searches for a better utensil. He returns with a round brush. 

“We’re going to need this anyway for when I swoosh your face off,” Kurt explains.

Kurt then begins the task of trimming Blaine’s hair. It’s slow, but he really wants to get all the split ends. “I might have to make this shorter than you’d like, but your hair really is just unhealthy at this point Blaine. When was the last time you got a trim?”

“Um. June?” Blaine says remorsefully.

“Blaine!” Kurt reprimands. “Even when you’re growing your hair, you need to get it trimmed semi-regularly!”

“Ok, ok,” Blaine says exasperatedly. 

“Ok, now for the swooshing. I am going to swoosh the hell out of you.”

“I-I-I-I’m glad to sssss-see that you’ve fully adopted the, the, the term swoosh.”

The hair dryer starts up then and Kurt begins his masterpiece. When he finally let’s Blaine look in the mirror, Blaine starts laughing and can’t stop. 

“This is the www-wah-worst thing that has ever, ever happened to mmm-my hair. And I’m including the time mmmm-my parents took me to Louisiana in, in, in, in August.”

Kurt gives Blaine a questioning look. “The humidity?”

“Oh, the humidity Kurt. You have nnn-no idea,” Blaine declares. 

The boys go back to their movie after that, cuddling in Kurt’s bed, happy to be together.

Right as they're falling asleep, with Blaine as the big spoon, because Kurt wasn’t lying when he said Blaine’s the best big spoon ever, Blaine finds Kurt’s ear and kisses it. “I love you, Kurt Hummel. Even if you did make my hair look like Lyle Lovett’s.”

“I love you, Blaine Anderson, because you trust me enough to let me.”

The boys fall asleep with smiles on their faces.


	12. Chapter 12

December 4  
@ 10:48 pm  
Kurt: So are we going to talk about this?  
Blaine: About what?  
Kurt: The fact that I mentioned the word sex earlier  
    and you blushed  
    and literally ran away  
    you actually said “I’m going to go for a run now.”  
    you weren’t even wearing sneakers.  
Blaine: oh that  
    it wasn’t a great run  
    Note to self: always wear sneakers for running  
Kurt: Blaine.  
Blaine: Yes Kurt?  
Kurt: Can we talking about this?  
Blaine:    I thought we covered it nicely earlier?  
    moving on?  
Kurt: BLAAAAIINNNEEEE  
Blaine: KUUUUURRRRRRTTT  
Kurt: Don’t you want to have sex with me?  
Blaine: I did have sex with you  
    we have had oral sex on multiple occasions  
Kurt: Thank you 8th grade Health Textbook  
    you know what I mean   
Blaine: Fine. I know what you mean.  
    SEX SEX  
Kurt: Exactly.   
    I’m not trying to pressure you into it  
    but I assume you must have some thoughts on the matter  
    so I was hoping that maybe I’d try to get you to discuss it via IM  
    figuring you might actually share your thoughts in this forum  
Blaine: hmm. yes.  
    excellent trickery  
    my thoughts range from “what if I’m terrible at it” to “a terror that can not be articulated.”  
Kurt: but we’ve already done a lot  
    SEX SEX is the next step  
Blaine: I know  
    but I wasn’t nervous about the other stuff  
Kurt: You’re quite good at the other stuff  
    you weren’t lying that time you said your mouth is good at some things  
Blaine: HOLY SHIT KURT  
    BLUSHING FONT  
    And. um. you too.  
    I’m... scared  
Kurt: That’s ok  
    I was scared my first time too  
    I think almost everyone is, at least a little  
Blaine: You’re never scared of anything  
    except Ferris wheels  
Kurt: yeah, that’s not true at all  
    I’m scared of plenty of things  
Blaine: It’s just that   
    sex is...  
Kurt: intimate?  
Blaine: yes  
    and it makes me feel...  
Kurt: vulnerable?  
Blaine: how do you read my mind like that?  
Kurt: magic  
    so can you figure out what scares you the most and maybe we can work from there?  
Blaine: yeah. ok.  
    so we’re going to be entirely candid about this?  
Kurt: Of course  
Blaine: And I won’t weird you out if I ask dumb questions?  
Kurt: Blaine. Ask whatever you want  
  
11:26 pm  
Kurt: Blaine?  
Blaine: I’m working on it  
Kurt: ok...?  
Blaine: I typed it up and I’m going to paste it in  
    it’s long  
Kurt: (that’s what she said?)  
Blaine: Really Kurt? Really? (fine. I laughed.)  
Kurt: good. my duty is done.  
Blaine: Ok. so here goes...  
    I’m scared that we won’t have chemistry. I’m scared that I’ll do something wrong and that I’ll hurt you. I’m scared of showing you this other side of me, of possibly losing control. I’m scared of not knowing what to do. I’m scared of the pain. I’m very afraid that you won’t love me anymore when we’re done. I’m scared that I’m just going to be *bad* at it and you’re going to want to find someone else who isn’t bad at it. I’m scared that you’re going to compare me with the other guys you’ve been with and I won’t measure up. I’m afraid of embarrassing myself because I’m so inexperienced. I’m also scared that there’s only so long that you’re going to put up with me being scared before you get tired of it and decide to break up with me. But even though I’m scared and kind of just want to ignore the whole thing and walk away, I know you’re not going to let me do that. You know the fact that you don’t let me walk away when I’m uncomfortable and scared is one of the things I like most about you. About us. But I’m still scared.  
  
11:39 pm  
Kurt: Wow. Ok, wow.  
    I read that like 3 times.  
    Let me process this.  
Blaine: It’s ok  
    It’s a lot  
    Take your time  
Kurt:  Ok, I think I can actually help with a lot of this stuff  
Blaine: Really? And here I thought I was crazy   
Kurt: no worries Blainers  
    we got this  
    First of all, I think we have amazing chemistry  
    I want to touch you all. the. time.  
    and not only in the dirty ways.  
Blaine: I like touching you too.  
Kurt: Excellent  
    one down, 35 million to go (I’m teasing.)  
Blaine: (I know.)  
Kurt: As for the pain for either of us, I’m not going to tell you it doesn’t hurt at all  
    It’s sort of a... process  
    once you’re ok with the idea we can work on it  
    It doesn’t have to all happen at once  
    and even though it can hurt, it also feels so so good Blaine  
Blaine: what about... logistics.  
    Like I’m scared of not knowing what to do in the moment  
Kurt: like, the top/bottom issue?  
Blaine: yeaaaaaahhh. That one.  
Kurt: We can do whatever  
    I mean, we can try it both ways  
    I’m fine with either  
    but the first time you can pick whatever’s more comfortable for you  
Blaine: ok. Well. ok  
    we can come back to that.  
Kurt: As for comparing you to the other guys  
    I definitely never cared one iota about Sebastian compared to you  
Blaine: but what about your ex-boyfriend? you were with him for a year  
Kurt: I don’t think I cared about Jason the same way I do for you either  
    I don’t think I was ever in love with him  
    Emotions are important  
    They color the physical  
    I honestly don’t believe either of them will measure up to *you*  
    because of how I feel about you  
Blaine: Ok. I get that.  
    but what if I’m really bad at it?  
Kurt: I don’t know. I don’t really see that happening.  
    and even if you’re not AMAZING the first time  
    No one is  
    we’ll work on it, we’ll get better at it together  
    you do realize that you could end up thinking I’m bad at it right?  
Blaine: I just made an audible noise of disbelief  
    I highly doubt that you will be anything less than amazing  
Kurt: You’re probably too nice sometimes Blaine.  
    but I like that about you  
    ok. So anything else?  
Blaine: What if I do something wrong? And you don’t love me anymore?  
Kurt: I can’t even imagine what this hypothetical “thing” is   
    so I don’t think I can help with this one  
    because I love you an awful lot  
Blaine: What if I started mugging old ladies?  
    or dealing drugs to kids?  
Kurt: Neither of those have anything bearing on our sex life  
    hopefully  
    also, don’t do those things  
    they’re completely out of character for you  
    However, I would visit you in prison.  
Blaine: ok, ok, I get it.  
Kurt: so, do you feel any better now?  
Blaine: Yes. I’m sorry about being a weirdo  
Kurt: you’re not a weirdo  
    and you don’t have to be sorry.  
    and don’t you dare say you’re sorry for being sorry  
Blaine: I am not the least bit sorry for being sorry  
    I have no sorry-ception  
Kurt: ohhhhh Blaine  
    eye rolling font  
Blaine: no! That was funny! You know that was funny!  
    I’m funny!  
Kurt: sure you are  
Blaine: (sad font) I’m funny (end sad font)  
Kurt: (patting head font) sure you are (end patting head font)  
Blaine: You laughed and you know it and it’s not fair because I laughed at your lame “That’s what she said.”  
Kurt: This is a dumb conversation  
Blaine: of course it is  
    approximately 42% of our conversations are entirely useless and have no point  
    then like 30% are about my speech  
    and the rest are pretty much me sitting there in awe of you, trying not to say anything too stupid because I’m so happy that you let me follow you around.  
Kurt: you think that 28% of our conversations are you sitting in awe of me?  
    I disagree  
Blaine: Fine, fine only 10% are about my speech  
    Leaving 48% with me sitting in awe of you  
Kurt: you’re a dumbass  
Blaine: so are you  
Kurt: Glad we got that covered  
Blaine: Agreed.  
    I really do feel better Kurt  
Kurt: good.  
    and we don’t have to continue to talk about this nonstop  
    But I just really wanted to get you to open up a little about it  
    I couldn’t seem to get you to concentrate  
Blaine: I know.  
    I’m wildly unfocused when I’m scared  
Kurt: You are  
    but it turns out that’s sort of endearing too  
    I want you to be ok   
Blaine: I’m better than ok  
    I’m happy  
    I don’t want to disappoint you  
    And I really don’t want you to get tired of me.  
Kurt: I’m not going to get tired of you  
Blaine: Don’t make promises you can’t keep  
Kurt: Fine. I don’t PLAN on getting tired of you  
Blaine: I’ve been planning on getting tired of you but you refuse to allow it  
    by being all perfect and wonderful and ineffable  
Kurt: You’re not wrong  
    but you are a dumbass  
Blaine: I concur  
Kurt: but you’re also perfect and wonderful and winsome and endearing and marvelous and charming and adorable and sexy   
Blaine: STOP IT  
    You’re making me blush... :)  
Kurt: and fetching and savvy and clever and gifted and brilliant and you have very good taste in boyfriends and capricious and playful and pulchritudinous.   
Blaine: Pulchritudinous?  
Kurt: are you not familiar with every single word in the English language Blaine?  
Blaine: I’m aware that it means physically beautiful.  
    I had no idea there was a secondary definition   
    “Cute in an awkward way and only if you’re into that kind of thing.”  
Kurt: I’m shaking my head  
Blaine: You’re pulchritudinous too, Kurt  
    and I mean it in the primary definition way  
Kurt: Thanks Blaine  
Blaine: Anytime  
    alright, next topic that needs to be talked about even though we’ve been avoiding it.  
Kurt: Paris?  
Blaine: Paris.  
    It’s a month away now Kurt.  
    I think we need to actually discuss it.  
Kurt: Ok. Do you have specific discussion points?  
Blaine: I don’t know.   
    Mostly I just wanted to broach the topic.  
Kurt: I suppose I have a topic  
    maybe it’s an issue?  
    well, it’s more of a question  
    It’s not a hint or anything  
    it’s not like I’m saying you need to be ok with this issue  
    I mean, I guess it’s your issue  
    but it kind of will be mine too?  
Blaine: You are absolutely, positively rambling.  
Kurt: I would like to make a formal request to talk on the phone with you while I’m away.  
Blaine: Um. You don’t get it.  
    I’m very, very, very bad at talking on the phone  
    You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into with that request.  
    You really don’t want to do that.  
Kurt: I want to talk to you on the phone.  
    I don’t care if you stutter.  
Blaine: see, it’s like you say that, but you really don’t get it  
    when I’m on the phone, I stutter pretty much on every single word  
    sometimes in the middle of words  
    it takes me forever to get out a sentence  
    and like, I’m working on talking on the phone with Chad  
    running scenarios and everything  
    but I still have a lot of issues with it  
Kurt: alright, alright  
    I know it’s not your favorite  
    But think about it, ok Blaine?  
    it wouldn’t have to be everyday  
    they wouldn’t have to be long conversations  
    but I would miss your voice a lot if I didn’t hear it for 5 months.  
Blaine: Ok. I would miss your voice too  
    but you’re bound to lose patience with me on the phone  
    and I’m not saying you’re generally impatient  
    you’re almost inhumanly patient  
    it’s just I’m really bad at it  
Kurt: do you think you’d be better with skyping?  
    you’re getting better at talking face to face  
    so maybe video chat would work better for you?  
Blaine: I hate seeing myself when I talk  
    but maybe if I covered the little window that I would be in?  
    I don’t know Kurt  
    it’s all like really uncomfortable for me  
    and still kind of scary  
    even knowing it’s you on the other end it’s still scary  
    and really uncomfortable  
Kurt: ok. we’ll figure it out.  
Blaine: I just... I wish I could be ok with this stuff  
    for you.  
    I know it’s not fair to you that I’m like this  
    but on the other hand, I know forcing myself to be ok with it isn’t a solution either  
    I know it’s a problem  
    and I acknowledge that  
    but even with my speech improving, it’s still not getting better on the phone  
  
12:42 am  
Kurt: I want to take this moment to say  
    that I would NEVER make you do something that you feel that uncomfortable about.  
    I’m sorry I brought it up.  
Blaine: NO! don’t be sorry you brought it up  
    that’s lame  
    it’s something we needed to talk about  
    And I’m working on it  
    Chad makes me make one phone call a day  
Kurt: You never told me that  
Blaine: Well, it’s another one of those not very interesting things that I do for speech therapy  
    they don’t have to be long calls  
    Usually I call like a bank or a store and ask for their hours  
    It’s still terrible  
    and I get hung up on a lot  
Kurt: You can tell me this stuff.  
    I feel like I’m getting redundant with that sentence  
    but you can always tell me this stuff   
    especially if it’ll make you feel better  
Blaine: I know  
    usually I time it so that I make my daily phone call right before I see you  
    and then seeing you makes me feel better  
Kurt: I’m going to go sit in the corner and cry for a little while  
    because I think I love you too much.  
Blaine: aw Kurt  
    don’t cry  
    I love you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Kurt: misuse of exclamation points  
Blaine: Nope. I used just the right amount.  
  
~~~~~  
  
A moment of Chad  
  
As soon as he walks through the door I can tell Blaine’s upset about something. He’s quiet and withdrawn, not the energetic, smiling kid that’s been coming in here the past month or so. No, this is a downtrodden old man, world on his shoulders.  
  
“So, what’s up?” I ask, knowing we’re not going to accomplish much if he’s thinking about something else.   
  
“Last nnn-nah-night Kurt asked mmmm-me if we could talk on the, the, the, the phone www-while he’s away.”   
  
I keep telling him that we can work on his phone skills, that lots of people who stutter have been able to overcome this obstacle and become more than satisfactory phone users. He’s been stubborn about it, but I’m slowly realizing that his recalcitrance is actually masking fear.  
  
“Blaine,” I say. “Tell me why you’re so scared.”  
  
“I-I-I-I’m not scared. I’m … bah-bah-bah-bad at it,” he says, his eyes unfocused, looking all over the room. He’s a terrible liar. I never know whether I want to hug him or punch him in these moments, though. Neither would be particularly professional or productive for the therapeutic process, but maybe it would wake him up, snap him out this.  
  
“Blaine,” I prod softly.  
  
“What?” he responds, both petulant and frustrated.  
  
“Do you want to be able to talk on, on, on the phone with Kurt while he’s away?” I ask him, again trying to use my most gentle and patient voice. Sometimes Blaine needs tough love, sometimes Blaine just needs kindness. Learning when he needs which has been a challenge, but I’m getting better at, in part because he’s letting me.  
  
“Of course,” he retorts.  
  
“We need to work on the usual, the desensitizing. We need to make you not worry so much about stu-stu-stuttering on the phone.”  
  
He picks at the arm of the chair, not making eye contact. “He’ll bbb-bbb-be able to hear me.”  
  
“He hears you all the time,” I point out, probably not helpful or astute, but I need to make sure he keeps talking.  
  
He squeezes his eyes shut and leans his head against the back of the chair. I can tell we’re close here, we’re so close to getting at this issue. The problem with Blaine is rarely that he doesn’t want to talk about a topic or that he’s purposefully being obstinate, it’s that he doesn’t know how to say it. The disconnect from his speech after all these years makes it so hard for him to verbalize his complex thoughts at times. He’s remarkably intelligent, he has the kind of brain most people wish they had, but as he’s so fond of telling me, it’s his mouth that’s stupid.   
  
He swallows several times, eyes still closed, and says quietly, “He’ll hear everything. The phone pppp-ppp-picks up all the grunts and, and, and sss-swallows and wwwww-weird noises I make when I-I-I-I-I-I  ssss-stutter. And, like, I ddd-dah-don’t think he gets it, that even though I’m getting bbbb-bbb-bbbbb-bet,” he stops and inhales sharply through his nose. “...better, I’m still rrrr-really... shy about talking on the, on the, on the phone. About talking in general, mmm-most of the time. He says it dddd-dah-dd-doesn’t mmmmm-matter, that my stutter dddd-doesn’t matter, bbb-bbb-but it does. It matters to me. I-I-I-I-I don’t want him to hear it. To hear mmmmm-me like that. It’s dumb. I-I-I-I-I’m so fucking dumb.”  
  
This kid, this kid. Damn if he doesn’t make everything so hard. He’s his own worst critic and enemy.  
  
I lean over and give his knee a quick squeeze, wanting his attention. He opens his eyes and looks at me and he’s so defeated. I haven’t seen him this defeated in months.  
  
“It’s not dumb, Blaine. You’re not dumb. This is hhh-how you feel. We can work on those noises too, you know? We can work on everything. You’ve almost totally erased your neck jerking. You did that. So we’ll work on the other stuff now. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but wouldn’t you rather be able to talk to him on the phone than not talk to him at all for 5 months? You think a couple of weird noises are going to keep hhhh-him from wanting to talk to you?”  
  
He shakes his head, but he’s not really with me on this, yet. The Great Wall of Blaine is my arch-nemesis in these moments.  
  
“It’s, like. I-I-I-I know that. I know it, it ddd-dah-doesn’t change anything though. Usually I-I-I can... de-de-de-de-deflect attention from my voice, mmm-my speech, wwwww-when we’re face to face. I can use expressions and gestures, bbb-bbb-bah-body language. It’s bb-bb-better when he can see me. I have nah-nah-nothing to hide be-be-be-be-hind on the phone.”  
  
“And you need to tell him this stuff. You can’t expect him to, to, to read your mind. He loves you right? Weren’t you the same guy who came skipping in here last week to tell me that he loves you?”  
  
He glares at me.   
  
“What? Fine, you came prancing in here last week.” At least I get a rueful smile at that.  
  
“Blaine. I mean, really, all jokes aside, you need to tell him. Tell him how you fff-feel about this. Tell him how you still feel shy and not ready to talk on the phone, but that you’re trying.”  
  
“I dah-did tell him.”  
  
“And he’s still bothering you about it?” I ask, confused.  
  
“No. It’s still bb-bbbb-bothering mmmmm-me, though.”  
  
“Ok. I’m not going to tell you need to try harder, because I know you’re doing your best. I know it,” I look at him sincerely here and he nods. He’s finally listening I think. “But I am going to tell you to keep trying. Keep working. We’ll switch up some of your goals, we’ll work harder on the phone. Go home and make 5 phone calls tonight instead of only one. Call your mom, call your brother, call for pizza, call the fff-food store. Call Matt when he’s sitting in the same room as you just to piss him off.”  
  
Blaine finally laughs. He still looks a little defeated, but he’s definitely more engaged now. We continue to talk goals for the rest of the session. And we come up with some alternative ways for Blaine and Kurt to communicate while Kurt’s away.  
  
All too soon, our session’s over, but as he’s putting on his coat, I ask, “You’re not going to do something stupid like qui-quit on me now, right?”  
  
“No. I-I-I-I-I’m in for the long haul,” he smiles his sad smile and walks out the door.  
  
I take a few strides to the door and call out to him “Hey!”  
  
He turns around and gives me his patented “what the fuck?” hand gesture.  
  
I make the same gesture back at him and say “Stop being an assclown!”  
  
He looks at me for a second and then his peal of laughter rings through the hallway.  
  
He turns and leaves, but at least he left with a smile on his face.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Blaine has an ongoing list of things that are bothering him right now. The phone issue, the sex issue, the “his father is a pod person” issue, Kurt leaving and final exams looming.  
  
He bides his time through work that afternoon, trying not to think too much about any one of those subjects. Luckily, it’s one of those days where the kids have obviously been huffing glue and snorting pixie sticks, so there’s very little down time. He fights the urge to call them assholes to their faces. Or to their parents at pick up time.  
  
When he leaves work, he spots Kurt waiting for him across the street. Blaine makes his way over. He’s happy to see Kurt, but also surprised. They stand together in the glow of the street light for a minute. It’s cold, but not freezing and even though it’s night, the city is never really dark.   
  
“Hey,” Blaine breathes, breaking the silence, as he dips his mouth to give Kurt a modest kiss on the cheek. “I-I-I-I-I-I thought you www-were going out with your wah-work friends.”  
  
“I canceled. I wanted to see you. I...” Kurt searches Blaine’s eye for a second and then shakes his head. “I was worried that you were mad at me.”  
  
“Why?” Blaine asks, honestly unsure.  
  
“I didn’t hear from you all day. I figured you were avoiding me, because of the phone thing.”  
  
“Oh. It www-wasn’t on purpose. I-I-I-I slept late and then had ssss-speech and work. It was a … bbb-bah-bah-bah-buh-busy day.”  
  
Kurt nods, not looking entirely comforted.  
  
“I-I-I swear I’m not mad. I... I’m glad you’re not mmmm-mah-mad at me.”  
  
“That would be pretty messed up if I was mad at you. You were being honest and I was being unfair. You don’t ever have to do anything for me that you don’t want to do.”  
  
“I-I-I know,” Blaine sighs. “It’s hard to explain though, bb-bb-because I want to ddd-dah-do … everything for you. Bbbbb-bbbb-but … sometimes there’s a blah-blah-blah-blah-block in bbbb-bbbb-brain, the same way there’s a bb-blah-block in my mouth. Sometimes it’s worse.” And then he adds faintly, “When it’s in my bbb-brain.”  
  
“It’s ok,” Kurt offers.  
  
“It is and it isn’t,” Blaine muses. “Bbb-buh-but I’m www-working on it.”   
  
They exchange what any casual observer would be able to identify as a meaningful look and Kurt changes the subject.  
  
“So, Rachel and Puck are staying at his place tonight.”  
  
Blaine seems relieved for the new topic. “I-I-I-I thought Rachel hates staying at Puck’s bb-bb-be-because it, and I quote, ‘reeks of dude and his roommates are crass.’”  
  
“You’ve been working on your Rachel impersonation I see.”  
  
Blaine smiles and makes a little half and half gesture with his hand.  
  
“I asked her kindly to go stay at Puck’s tonight and she relented. Do you have plans?”  
  
Blaine puts a hand over his eyes in embarrassment. “Matt’s going to sssss-some fundraiser thing www-with Kerry and I was going to stuh-stuh-stay in my room all nah-night www-watching instructional sex videos on Youtube and mmmm-mm-making desensitizing phone calls.”  
  
Kurt grabs for Blaine’s wrist and pulls his hand away from his face. Blaine’s making a face somewhere between a self-conscious smile and an amused grimace. He’s blushing and when he catches Kurt’s eye, he quickly flicks his gaze to the sidewalk.  
  
“Well, do you mind changing the location of your plans to my apartment?” Kurt asks, suddenly feeling bashful himself.  
  
Blaine nods and takes Kurt’s hand and starts walking in that direction.  
  
~~~~~  
  
The boys sit at Kurt’s kitchen island, empty Chinese food containers scattered about. Kurt’s wearing boxers, a top hat and one sock. Blaine is down to just his boxers.  
  
Somehow Blaine’s phone calls of desensitization turned into a stripping game. Anytime someone hangs up on Blaine, Kurt takes off an article of clothing and anytime Blaine successfully completes a phone call, Blaine has to remove one of his own. You’d imagine there would be a way for Blaine to cheat at this, but Kurt made him put his phone on speaker.  
  
“I-I-I-I’m still nah-not sure how it’s fair that, that, that uh, you’re www-wearing a hat,” Blaine says, shaking his head.   
  
“Because it’s funnier this way,” Kurt responds with a sly grin.  
  
“Did you bb-bb-bb-buy that top hat for our circus act?” Blaine asks suspiciously.  
  
“Our failed circus act you mean,” Kurt answers with a pout.  
  
Blaine leans across the island and nips at Kurt’s bottom lip and they begin a deep kiss, the need to devour each other palpable. Blaine curses the breakfast island between them as he pulls away, thinking they need a change of venue.   
  
Kurt must agree, because he says coyly, “So now that I have you in a state of undress, what do you think we should do?”  
  
“Well, I mean, I-I-I-I had planned to do mmmm-mm-more than just mmmmake people uncomfortable www-with my awkward phone manners all nah-night,” Blaine waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Kurt.  
  
“Yes, let’s retire to the bedroom. Where I might have some non-Youtube sex videos of the not so instructional variety laying around.”  
  
“Laying around?” Blaine questions.  
  
“Laying around the dark recesses of my closet where Rachel cannot find them,” Kurt answers quickly.  
  
~~~~~  
  
The porn works like a charm. Kurt loves how it both relaxes Blaine and makes him more confident. They settle on Kurt’s bed, Blaine’s head resting on Kurt’s chest, his hand lazily drawing circles around Kurt’s stomach.   
  
“Well, that’s nah-not real,” Blaine mumbles.  
  
“Who would shave there?” Kurt winces.  
  
“Hello, bbb-bend-bendiness,” Blaine notes.  
  
Kurt absentmindedly runs his nails through Blaine’s hair. “I might be able to do that...”  
  
“Oh, shit!” Blaine sits up and exclaims about 30 minutes into the movie. “I-I-I can totally dah-do that!”   
  
Blaine brings his mouth to Kurt’s ear, his voice taking on the deep, confident timber that it does when he whispers, and breathes “Would you like me do that to you?”  
  
And so it begins. Their first time is simple, unassuming, though set to the soundtrack of porn in the background, which makes them both giggle at times.   
  
Kurt urges Blaine along, at first telling him to be careful, because it’s been awhile since Kurt has had anyone inside of him, but eventually moaning for more and more, as Blaine slowly dips his fingers in and out of him.   
  
Kurt fumbles for the lube and condoms that he had surreptitiously put in his night table drawer  earlier, hoping that Blaine’s sudden interest in “instructional videos” might lead to something productive this evening.  
  
Kurt puts the condom and then a large dollop of lube on Blaine. Their eyes meet and Blaine takes a moment to look at this amazing man in front of him. This man who loves him so much, who Blaine loves and trusts more than he could have ever imagined possible. He wishes he could articulate to Kurt everything he’s feeling in this moment. But he’s quick to realize that this kind of intimacy transcends speech. Blaine doesn’t have to talk, Blaine can take action.   
  
So he does.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Afterward, they exchange simple kisses and lazy smiles and soft caresses, enjoying these moments, wordlessly. In time though, Kurt pulls Blaine off the bed and gestures toward the bathroom.  Once there, Kurt turns on the shower and tests the water.  
  
Kurt feels Blaine’s arms go around his waist from behind and suddenly Blaine’s mouth is everywhere, leaving a trail of kisses along Kurt’s shoulder, up his neck and then down onto his other shoulder. Kurt turns in Blaine’s arms and finds that his curls are already starting to frizz in the humid bathroom air. He can’t help but smile.  
  
The boys move into the shower then and slowly turn under the warm cascade of water. They spend a few minutes just touching, hands grazing, exploring each other all over again.  
  
Blaine spends several long moments sucking and brushing his lips across Kurt’s neck, dragging his tongue along Kurt’s pulse point. Blaine begins a slow and languid stream of kisses down Kurt’s torso. When he’s on his knees in front of Kurt, his strong hands on Kurt’s ass, Blaine looks up innocently and finds Kurt looking down at him in wonder. Kurt places his hands on Blaine’s shoulders, as Blaine begins a slow lick of Kurt’s cock.   
  
Kurt arches his back, nearly losing his balance on the wet porcelain of the tub. He moves one hand to Blaine’s neck, but uses the other hand to steady himself on the sturdy towel rack. They definitely don’t need to turn this into a night in the emergency room, Kurt thinks hazily.   
  
Blaine continues his work, using easy, leisurely movements to bring Kurt to orgasm. He stands when he’s done to hold Kurt under the stream, enjoying the warmth of the water and the feeling of their slick bodies pressed together.  
  
The boys methodically wash each other then, which is in some ways just as sexy as the other things they’ve done this evening. Both are drowsy and satisfied, kissing here and there, nipping at each other. Their continued silence making every touch and graze of their bodies feel heavy with meaning.  
  
They dry each other off and return to the bedroom. They curl up in bed together, facing each other, kissing again briefly.   
  
Blaine props himself up on his elbow and looks at Kurt, tracing a finger from Kurt’s temple to his chin. Kurt smiles and kisses the palm of Blaine’s hand. Blaine breathes out, knowing he has to say this, he has to say what he’s thinking, even if he hates to break their mutual silence.  
  
“I-I-I have no idea ww-what I was afraid of,” Blaine marvels.  
  
Kurt cups Blaine’s jaw, tenderly. “Will you ever stop surprising me?”  
  
Blaine makes a thinky face. “Probably nah-not. Sounds bah-bah-boring.”  
  
“How am I going to live without you for five months?” Kurt rubs his thumb along Blaine’s cheek.  
  
Blaine just shakes his head and then turns over, facing away from Kurt. Kurt immediately assumes that Blaine’s going to start crying or something, until Blaine looks over his shoulder.  
  
“You have to bbbb-be the bb-bb-bb-big ssssspoon tonight for trying to ruin my mmm-mmm-mood with your sssad talk. That’s your punishment.”  
  
He starts grabbing Kurt’s arm to drag over but Kurt relents quickly, putting his arm around Blaine’s waist and pressing a kiss into his neck, just wanting to be as close to Blaine as he can be for as long as possible.

 


	13. Chapter 13

December 6th  
@ 1:04 am  
Blaine: PSST.  
Blaine: MATTTTTHEW

1:05 am  
Matt: Yes Blaine?

1:07 am  
Blaine: Kurt  
Blaine: and  
Blaine: I  
Blaine: had  
Blaine: sex

1:10 am  
Matt: WHOOP WHOOP  
Matt: My baby’s all grown up  
Matt: Kerry says congratulations

1:12 am  
Blaine: Shit man. I’m not telling you things anymore.

1:13 am  
Matt: WTF. I’m not supposed to tell her these delightful tidbits?

1:15 am  
Blaine: Fine, but she and I are never going to become friends if I keep embarrassing myself in front of her.

1:16 am  
Matt: She says “Aw. But we *are* friends!”

1:18 am  
Blaine: This is embarrassing.  
Blaine: I feel embarrassed.  
Blaine: I think I’m going to have to pretend to be a ghost again.

1:21 am  
Matt: You’re not going to do something dumb like come home tonight right?

1:22 am  
Blaine: nope!

1:23 am  
Matt: good cause Kerry’s sleeping over.  
Matt: give us a heads up before you come home in the morning.  
Matt: Or Kerry is suggesting “Double date brunch?”

1:26 am  
Blaine: Tell her I’ll consider it, but she shouldn’t expect me to make eye contact.

1:27 am  
Matt: She accepts these terms and conditions.  
Matt: also that eventually she will force friendship upon you.  
Matt: apparently my girlfriend is planning to rape you with friendship?  
Matt: that’s weird man.

1:30 am  
Blaine: LOLOLOLOL  
Blaine: Girlfriend, huh?  
Blaine: since when?

1:31 am  
Kurt (to Matt): Could you kindly tell your friend Blaine to stop giggling in my kitchen and to come back to bed?

1:32 am  
Kurt (to Rachel): Thanks for vacating the apartment tonight.

1:32 am  
Matt (to Kurt): He told me you were sleeping.

1:33 am  
Matt (to Blaine): Kurt just texted me to tell me to tell you to stop texting and get back into bed with him.

1:33 am  
Kurt (to Matt): His giggling woke me up.

1:33 am  
Kerry (to Blaine) : Don’t listen to anything Matt says. He didn’t have the balls to have the talk with me  
Kerry (to Blaine): I would have been his girlfriend MONTHS ago.

1:34 am  
Blaine (to Kerry): That’s lame.  
Blaine (to Kerry): I’m sorry Matt’s so lame.

1:34 am  
Blaine (to Matt): Kerry just texted ME to say that she would have been your girlfriend months ago, but you didn’t have the balls to have the talk!??!!?!?!?  
Blaine (to Matt): That strikes me as bullshit.

1:35 am  
Matt (to Blaine): I know. I’m ashamed.

1:36 am  
Rachel (to Kurt): Anytime lovey, anytime. I take it things went well.  
Rachel (to Kurt): Did you guys...  
Rachel (to Kurt): play hide the salami?

1:38 am  
Blaine (to Matt): You should be.   
Blaine (to Matt): You’re no longer my hero.

1:40 am  
Kurt (to Rachel): Things went very, very well.  
Kurt (to Rachel): But, ugh, Rachel. You’re not allowed to go to Puck’s anymore.  
Kurt (to Rachel): I think those guys are a bad influence on your use of euphemisms.

1:41 am  
Matt (to Blaine): That’s ok. You’re still mine...  
Matt (to Blaine): DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU’RE MY HEROOOOOOO  
Matt (to Blaine): YOU’RE EVERYTHING I WISHED I COULD BE

1:43 am  
Rachel (to Kurt): I’m going to take that as a yes.

1:43 am  
Blaine (to Matt): Stop it. You know the Wind Beneath My Wings makes me cry.  
Blaine (to Matt): Kurt won’t stop giggling. I think he’s texting Rachel, but he won’t let me see.

1:44 am  
Kurt (to Rachel): Fine. Yes. We played hide the salami.

1:48 am  
Puck (to Blaine): FUCK YEAH. I heard.

1:49 am  
Puck (to Kurt): About damn time.

1:50 am  
Matt (to Blaine): BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH  
Matt (to Blaine): Rachel just texted Kerry to tell her that you and Kurt played Hide the Salami tonight.

~~~~~

Both boys put down their phones and roll towards each other.

“I think we might need to find a new group of friends,” Kurt says as his arms going around Blaine.

“I-I-I agree, they’re all far too invested in our ss-ss-sex life,” Blaine mumbles as he snuggles into Kurt with a smile.

~~~~~

Classes end the next week and exams start up. Time moves fast and suddenly it’s the night before everyone is going home for break. Kurt and Rachel are throwing a minor soiree (as they like to call it) for their tight little group of friends that has developed over the past few months. 

Blaine’s been working on Kurt’s Christmas present for a while. First trying to come up with the the right gift and then figuring out a way to execute it. And now he’s scared that Kurt won’t like it. He worries that Kurt got him something more expensive or better and now Blaine feels like he’s going to make a fool of himself in front of Kurt. He really can’t believe sometimes that he can still work himself into this state of anxiety, even knowing Kurt loves him. But it’s the first non-family Christmas present he’s ever given, so that might be part of it, too.

He gets to Kurt’s a little early, so that no one has to watch him crash and burn if Kurt doesn’t like the gift. He buzzes the apartment and Kurt lets him up. 

Blaine is downright squirmy when he enters. Kurt can see it written all over his face, something’s making him nervous. 

“Hey, you’re early.”

Kurt leans in to kiss Blaine in greeting and notices Blaine can’t stop blinking.

“What’s up?” Kurt asks, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Oh. Uh, nnn-nah-nothing,” Blaine says.

“Why are you blinking like that?”

“That’s how I-I-I bbb-bbb-blink,” Blaine blushes, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. “Why are you mmm-mmm-making fun of mm-me?”

“Aw, Poophead,” Kurt coos.

Blaine gives Kurt a look of “Seriously, with that fucking nickname?”

And Kurt responds with a hand gesture of “Oh come on, give me a break. Roll with it.”

Making Blaine do an eye roll of “If you insist.”

“I’m not making fun of you, I can tell you’re nervous about something,” Kurt says after their foray into body language.

Blaine pauses and grimaces at Kurt, before looking at the ground. 

“Oh, well. I am. I-I-I-I-I’m nervous about giving you, you, you your Christmas pppp-pres-present,” Blaine confides with a neck jerk. Then he shakes his head and takes a deep breath, “Sorry about the...” and gestures to his neck, “I-I-I’m just rrrr-really nah-nervous.”

Kurt pulls Blaine close and nips at his neck, “Bad neck. Be nice to Blaine.”

Blaine finally smiles and starts taking off his coat.

“I thought Matt and Kerry were coming.”

“They are, I-I-I-I wanted to see you first, www-www-without so many people around, so I told them to meet mmmm-me here. Where are Puck and Rachel?”

“Picking up food. I timed placing the order so that they could pick it up on their way back here after Christmas shopping.”

Blaine hums nervously in response. They’re still standing right by the door, so Kurt pulls Blaine into the kitchen, to the island where Kurt had been working on a vegetable platter prior to Blaine’s arrival. 

“So you said something about a present,” Kurt looks at Blaine expectantly.

Blaine pulls a small envelope out of his back pocket and gives it to Kurt with a shaky hand. Kurt opens it up and finds a note card inside. On one side of the note card it says “Winsome” with the alphabet underneath it and then on the other it says “Ineffable” along with the alphabet. There’s also a flash drive in the envelope.

Kurt looks at Blaine, whose eyes are trained on the ground.

“I-I-I-I mmm-made you fonts... of our handwriting.”

Kurt’s lip trembles slightly. “You made me Winsome and Ineffable fonts?”

Blaine nods; now he’s staring at his hands as he twists them together. 

“So...’winsome’ is your handwriting...and ‘ineffable’ is...mine?” Kurt asks, still a bit dumbfounded by the whole idea. “In...font form? Like, for typing? For my computer?” He’s well aware that the last question was particularly redundant, but Blaine has really left him in awe here.

He nods again. “I hope you like them,” Blaine mumbles uncomfortably.

“Are you kidding?” Kurt asks, incredulously. “I love them!” 

Blaine whips his head up and gives another tense blink. He’s surprised to find Kurt smiling, with the barest glint of happy tears in his eyes. “Rrrr-rrrr-really?”

“I’m … amazed by them. It’s such a thoughtful gift, like literally full of thought. Somehow you found a way to encapsulate our entire relationship, right from the beginning, into a gift. How did you do that? Sometimes I think you might not actually be real.”

Blaine blushes, “I-I-I www-www-wah-was www-worried that you mmm-might think they were weird or lame.”

Kurt pulls Blaine close to him, hugging him and whispers “I think it’s probably the best gift anyone has ever given me.”

Kurt pulls away from the hug to look at Blaine, who scrunches his face and smiles.

“I-I-I figured we we we we could use them in emails while you ww-were away or ss-something.” Blaine shrugs, still feeling bashful and finding it hard to believe that Kurt really likes his gift this much. He worked hard on the idea, but he really didn’t expect Kurt to react like this.

“It certainly puts to shame what I got you.”

“Oh, I-I-I dah-doubt that.”

Kurt wordlessly hands him a thin box. Blaine unwraps it and finds a classy dark wood picture frame. It has spots for four different pictures, all of him and Kurt, sitting close together on Kurt’s couch, obviously taken the same night. One where they’re both looking in opposite directions but making very similar faces and then one where Kurt’s looking at Blaine and Blaine is smiling at something on the coffee table. Another where Blaine is side-eyeing Kurt while Kurt is falling over laughing and one where they’re looking at each other, both tight-lipped but moments away from laughing.

“I-I-I’ve never sss-seen these,” he says to Kurt. “I dd-dah-don’t even re-re-re-remember anyone taking these.”

“Rachel had them on her phone. They’re from the night of our Sorta-versary. I thought they were … the perfect photographic representation of our relationship.”

Blaine smiles, “They rr-rr-really are. I particularly like the one wwwww-where I’m grinning like an asshole at the wood grain of your coffee table while you look at mmm-me like I’m a slightly bah-bah-bah-brain addled child.”

“What? No!” Kurt grabs for the frame. “I’m looking at you fondly! That’s a fond look!”

“You call it fondness, I-I-I-I call it exasperation.”

“Can we compromise? Call it a fond exasperation and leave it at that?”

“Yes. And uh, thank you, Kurt. I-I-I-I love them. I love you.” Blaine places the frame on the kitchen island and glances shyly at Kurt.

“I love you, too,” Kurt says, as he hooks his fingers in Blaine’s belt loops and pulls him closer.

Blaine leans his forehead on Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I, I, I, ssss-still get so nah-nervous about this stuff. I may-may-may-make it really buh-buh-big in my head, convincing myself that I’m … going to do sss-sss-sss-something wrong.”

“You’re so silly. You could have made me a macaroni necklace and I would have loved it.”

“Be-be-be-be-cause I’m your ss-ss-slightly bb-bb-bb-bb-rain addled child, instead of your fella?” Blaine, pulls back a bit to look at Kurt with a sarcastic smirk and an “I told ya so” head nod.

“No, because macaroni is going to be very fashionable next fall and I want to be ahead of the trend.”

“You nah-nah-never fail to make mmm-me feel beh-beh-beh-bet-bet-ter.”

“Back atcha,” Kurt says with an over exaggerated wink. Kurt looks over Blaine’s face, taking in the way his smile crinkles his eyes and his cheek twitches under Kurt’s scrutiny, before Blaine blushes and dips his head.

“I wish I could shrink ray you and put you in my pocket and take you with me to Paris.”

Blaine laughs and then a pensive look crosses his face. “I... I dah-don’t know how to ss-ss-say this. You mmmmm-might think it’s sort of offensive even.”

Kurt raises a curious eyebrow at Blaine.

“I love ssss-sp-spending time with you,” Blaine continues, slowly building steam. “However, I-I-I think I could easily be-be-be-be-come... too dd-dd-dependent on you and I don’t wwww-want that. I think this, you going to Paris, wwww-will bb-bbb-bbb-be a learning experience for mm-mm-me. I-I-I-I think knowing you’re out there, loving me, buh-buh-buh-but that I can’t bb-bb-be with you all the time will bb-bbb-be good. Sad and a little painful, buh-but good for mmm-me. Good for us, in the long rr-rr-run.”

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?”

Blaine nods. “I don’t want to sss-sound crazy. You make me feel dd-dd-different. Not like me, not like the old me, like a beh-beh-bet-better... Bah-bah-laine. And I, I, I, I feel like us be-be-be-being apart like this …” Blaine pauses and sighs and shakes his head. “I dunno what I’m ss-ss-saying. It’s stupid.” 

“Actually, I think I get it. Because you make me feel different, too. And now I’m going to go out and be Blaine’s Kurt, without Blaine, for a little while and see what life is like. And realize that life is dumb and boring without you. Then I get to come back and be with you and it’ll be the best thing ever. And maybe after that I won’t ever have to miss you so much ever again.”

Blaine squeezes his eyes shut and leans in to whisper, “You did that thing again.” And kisses Kurt’s neck, “That thing where you read my mind.” Kurt’s mouth finds Blaine’s and they spend a minute kissing, smiling, happy to be together. 

They hear Puck and Rachel talking loudly in the stairwell then and they know that this moment is over, but there will be plenty more to come. They just have to get through the next 5 months.

~~~~~

Selected texts from the week between Christmas and New Year's

December 23  
@10:47 pm  
Kurt: I can’t help but notice there are several password protected folders on this flash drive.

10:52 pm  
Blaine: oh those old things?  
Blaine: Don’t you worry your pretty little head about them.  
Blaine: everything will be revealed in good time.

10:54 pm  
Kurt: What kind of game are you playing at Anderson???  
Kurt: I want to know nowwwww.

10:56 pm  
Blaine: Whining accomplishes nothing.  
Blaine: I will reveal the passwords when I feel like it.  
Blaine: It’s for when you’re away, so you better not lose that little guy.

10:58 pm  
Kurt: I will protect him with my very life.  
Kurt: I will hug him and pet him and name him Poophead.  
Kurt: In your honor.

11:00 pm  
Blaine: Well that’s just adorable.

\-----------

December 24  
@ 12:02 pm  
Blaine: Dear Mom- I think going to the mall on Christmas Eve is the worst idea you’ve ever had. I’d rather stay here and awkwardly discuss the “surprisingly temperate weather” with your husband for the next several hours. Sincerely, Blaine.

3:08 pm  
Kurt: I’ve brought something to my own attention.  
Kurt: Yes. That sentence is awkward, but it’s exactly what I want to say.  
Kurt: you were WRONG about Ray Romano to Kristen Bell

3:10 pm  
Blaine: So, Chris Kattan wasn’t the key?

3:11 pm  
Kurt: Nope.   
Kurt: (Sidenote: can watch Buffy season 5 soon?)  
Kurt: You could have done it much simpler, you forgot about Chris Elliott.

3:14 pm  
Blaine: (YES. “We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker.”)  
Blaine: Chris Elliott you say?

3:18 pm  
Kurt: (“It’s not Bob Barker, scabby morons. The key is new to this world...”)  
Kurt: So the best way would have been...  
Kurt: Ray Romano was on his show with Chris Elliott  
Kurt: Chris Elliott is on How I Met Your Mother with Jason Segel  
Kurt: And Jason Segel was of course in Forgetting Sarah Marshall with K.Bell.  
Kurt: Now I’ll stick my tongue out at you.

3:21 pm  
Blaine: Well then, I suppose you win this round.  
Blaine: I have no witty comeback.  
Blaine: So I’m going to text you Buffy season 5 quotes instead.  
Blaine: “Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master. Bator.”

4:18 pm  
Kurt: “I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince! Bator.”

4:52 pm  
Blaine: “Yes, I’m thinking of buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.”

9:08 pm  
Kurt: “He called you a Toth.”

9:10 pm  
Blaine: “It’s a British expression. It means, like, moron.”

\-----------

December 25  
@11:18 pm  
Blaine: so then my grandpa told my aunt that he always thought she wasn’t really his daughter.  
Blaine: And that he thought my grandma had an affair while he was in the air force during the Korean War.

11:22 pm  
Kurt: NO. FUCKING. WAY.  
Kurt: My family is so boring.

11:25 pm  
Blaine: You have no idea.   
Blaine: We used to be a very sedate bunch.  
Blaine: turns out he was wrong though.  
Blaine: My grandma would never do that.  
Blaine: Also, my grandpa has dementia, so he probably saw this on a soap opera.

11:28 pm  
Kurt: Oh. Well now that just seems sad.  
Kurt: Why didn’t you mention the dementia in the first place?

11:31 pm  
Blaine: Oh yeah. I probably should have lead with that.

\-----------

December 26th  
@ 9:46 pm  
Kurt: Do you want to stay over on New Year’s Eve eve?   
Kurt: This way we’ll have a chance to hang out  
Kurt: And then on actual New Year’s Eve we’ll go to Rachel’s party

9:52 pm  
Blaine: YES!

9:53 pm  
Kurt: That was easy.

9:55 pm  
Blaine: Don’t you realize that I just want to spend time with you dumbass?

9:57 pm  
Kurt: I love that your pet name for me is dumbass.  
Kurt: It’s really heartwarming.

9:59 pm  
Blaine: I think it’s a lovely way to mention your ass (which is perfect) and how dumb (aka awesome) I think you are.  
Blaine: awesome-ass doesn’t have the same ring to it.  
Blaine: Also, your pet name for me has recently become Poophead, has it not?

10:01 pm  
Kurt: um. yes?

10:02 pm  
Blaine: I rest my case.

\-----------

December 27th  
@1:48 pm  
Kurt: I keep forgetting to ask how the family bonding is going.

1:55 pm  
Blaine: Let’s put it this way  
Blaine: Yesterday my father asked if I would ever consider going ice fishing with him  
Blaine: ICE FISHING Kurt.

1:57 pm  
Kurt: I’m speechless.

1:58 pm  
Blaine: I KNOW  
Blaine: Apparently one of his work friends has an ice fishing hut?  
Blaine: On some lake... somewhere?

2:00 pm  
Kurt: So what did you say?

2:01 pm  
Blaine: I said we should see if Coop wants to come.  
Blaine: Because I can’t say I’m dying to spend time with my father  
Blaine: But I dunno  
Blaine: If he’s really trying, I don’t want to discourage him  
Blaine: Which again is just. so. fucked. up.  
Blaine: Because he spent YEARS, literally years Kurt, discouraging *me*

2:06 pm  
Kurt: Are you going to talk to him about this?

2:15 pm  
Blaine: I honestly don’t know.

\----------

December 28th  
@ 1:08 am  
Blaine: are you awake?

1:10 am  
Kurt: Yep! I’m watching something really dumb with Finn.  
Kurt: is it possible that someone made a parody of Beverly Hills Chihuahua?  
Kurt: Because if so that’s what we’re watching.

1:13 am  
Blaine: Can you go check your email?

1:14 am  
Kurt: And if not, then I have no idea what this is.  
Kurt: Oh? Of course.

1:16 am  
Blaine: Are you reading yet?

1:17 am  
Kurt: I’m signing in.

1:18 am  
Blaine: I’m going to call you now...  
Blaine: Read the email for further clarification.

~~~~~

To: k.hummel@nyu.edu  
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu  
Date: Sun, Dec 28th, 1:07 am  
Subject: This isn’t going to seem real until I explain it all to you.

(I wrote this all out and then decided to call you. I’m on the phone with you right now, I’m assuming. So, hi. Sorry I’m not chatty. We could IM I guess, but I really needed to hear your voice. Things are weird and I know I can’t actually talk about all this on the phone, but I needed real time reactions and this is the best I could come up with. Also, I love you.)

Ok. Here goes.

After I talked to you this afternoon (yesterday afternoon technically?) I went downstairs and my dad was watching a football game. I decided to go watch with him. We did our usual grunts of greeting and about 20 minutes later, he mutes the tv. Here is the ensuing conversation, as I recall it:

(Disclaimer- All stuttering has been removed to make this easier to read. And by “all” stuttering, I mean both mine and HIS. That’s right, MY DAD STUTTERED. I have never heard my father stutter before, but it’s a lot like my stutter. Similar problem sounds, prolongations. He didn’t have any hard blocks and he didn’t stutter a ton, but it was... surreal.)

Papa Anderson: So, have you given any more thought to the ice fishing idea?  
Me: Um, not really. Do you even know anything about ice fishing?  
PA: Actually, I used to go with my friends in college.   
Me: Oh, so you’re not just going to take me out to some lake in the middle of winter and leave me there to die? (I can’t help but be a smart ass lately.)  
PA: (Chuckles) I think your mother would be mad at me if I did that. So, what do you think?  
Me: When did you want to go?  
PA: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could fly home for a weekend in February? I know you have a lot of plans for the rest of winter break.  
Me: Wow. That’s... shockingly considerate of you.  
PA: Blaine, contrary to what you believe, I’m not trying to make your life harder.  
Me: OK. (This was said in a very suspicious tone.) So, what are you trying to do?  
PA: (chuckles) I guess I’m trying to bond with you. It might be too little, too late. But... I want to try at least.  
Me: Ok. Can I think about it a little more?  
PA: Sure.  
Me: I talked to Cooper about it already. He said he might be into it. But only if there’s a lot of hot rum drinks involved.  
PA: That sounds like something Cooper would say. I think we could make that a reality.  
Me: Cool. (now watch as I become the ballsiest son of a bitch you’ve ever met.) Are we ever going to acknowledge the fact that you used to hit me for stuttering and maybe that’s why I might not be enthusiastic about spending quality time with you? (This was not an easy sentence for me, but I said it and I’m damn proud.)

I wish you could have seen my father in this moment. I’ve never seen him look so stunned and speechless. 

I made the man I was terrified of my whole life completely lose his shit in the face of confrontation. Me. Blaine. I did that.

It was amazing to have to power like that. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it was a Top Ten Most Awesome Moment of Blaine Anderson’s Life Thus Far. (Other things on that list include meeting you, having sex with you, getting into NYU, every time I’ve ever made you smile, etc.) 

Back to my story. Oh, this is also the point in the conversation where he started stuttering.

PA: Well then. Let’s not beat around the bush.  
Me: (I nodded. And blinked a lot. I didn’t know what to say. I kind of used up all of my words on that sentence of confrontation.)  
PA: Those are not proud times for me Blaine. They’re not. I should have never, ever done that. I have no defense. I really messed up. I’m doing my best now. But I can’t change what I did to you in the past. I’m a coward, Blaine. And I’m sorry. (this is sort of a summary of what he said. I can’t remember it exactly, but that’s the gist.)  
Me: Did Mom know? That you hit me? (Oh look at that. Suddenly I’m saying more words. Another sentence of confrontation!?!?! Amazing.)  
PA: No, she had no idea. Though I recently told her. (Long pause. Very long. Like minutes and millennia and eons passed during this pause. There was the birth and death of several generations during this pause. Or I could be hyperbolizing and it was like 90 seconds. What I’m trying to tell you, Kurt? Is that it felt LONG.) I’ve been seeing a therapist.   
Me: Mom told me.  
PA: Good.   
Me: What did Mom say when you told her you hit me?  
PA: She threatened to leave me. She stayed at her sister’s for the night. I asked her to come back and she did. You’re mother and I have a … complicated relationship. We’re working through a lot of issues. I love her and I think she still loves me. I hope.  
Me: (I was uncomfortable so I changed the subject.) So, what’s up with your therapist?  
PA: He’s been making me write a lot. I guess because spoken words aren’t my strong suit.  
Me: (insert snort of disbelief) Yeah, I wouldn’t know anything about that.  
PA: Listen. I know. There’s a lot of … baggage we have between us. We’re not going to resolve it all. Not quickly at least.

I just realized how weird our body language was during all this. Both of us were like, leaning as far as we could from each other, him on the couch, me in the chair next to it, our arms folded tightly across our chests, rarely making eye contact. But we both stayed. Neither of us ran away when this really impossibly hard to discuss topic came up.

Me: (I nodded. I was a little... emotional by this point because I’m kind of a tool like that. And I was feeling a pretty serious block coming on.)  
PA: I want you to come with me sometime. To see my therapist. I know you’ve been going for years and it’s nothing new to you, but maybe it would be … beneficial if we went together.  
Me: (jaw drop)  
PA: Or if you’re not comfortable with that, maybe we could go see Paula together. You’re far away and you probably won’t live at home much anymore, but I just... I don’t want to lose you, Blaine. I know I’ve been stupid and pigheaded and I might not deserve it, but I want you to forgive me. Because it would break my heart to lose you.

So, I did the only thing I could think of, because I really honestly couldn’t speak. I stood up, moved over the couch and sat next to him. I put my feet up on the coffee table and we stayed like that, not talking, watching the football game, until my mom called us for dinner. 

And then we played 500 Rummy with my mom for several hours.

And now I’m emailing you.

It’s not perfect. But it happened. I feel oddly manipulated by the whole experience, but I think that’s a result of how very little I trust him. On the one hand, how do I repair this relationship, if I don’t give in a little? But then on the other hand, I don’t think I’m interested in giving in a little just to get burned again.

But like I’ve never realllllly given in to him before. Not really. I’ve mostly tried to avoid him. There’s no easy answer to this. I guess, I have to … hope? try? not give a fuck but pretend I do? Where’s the silver lining in this for me? Is that dumb for me to want there to be a silver lining? Am I being an assclown? I’m rambling. I need to talk to you.

I’m going to send this and then text you so that you know immediately that I sent this because I need you to read it. 

Oh, fuck it. 

~~~~~

“Blaine?”

Throat clearing. “Hi.”

“So. Ha. Hi to you, too. Don’t worry about being chatty. What’s... Oh. I love you, too. This is... he stuttered? Weird. Hehe, Papa Anderson. That is considerate. Holy shit! Did you really say that to him? Wow. I’m impressed. And aw. Really? The top 10 list? OH MY GOD. You confronted him about that too? You’re like a confrontation machine... Hmm. Wow. This is... He said that? This is like magic. Wow. Seriously. You still there?”

Throat clearing. “Mm-hmm.”

“Alright. So, shit. Lots of questions. I can see why you might feel manipulated, for sure. But I do think you need to consider giving in a little. A tiny bit. Come home in February and do the ice fishing thing. Especially if Cooper is in. You don’t have to start buying him #1 Dad mugs or something, but maybe give him a chance. In fact, tell yourself that you’re giving him this one chance and if it doesn’t work then you can stop trying. And you’re looking for a silver lining because you deserve a silver lining. You’re not being an ass clown. I don’t know what else to say, I think I need to digest a bit, but I love you, ok?”

Throat clearing. Several loud gulps. “K. I-I-I-I-I-I-I love you.”

“And I’ll see you on Tuesday? We’ll have lots of time to talk it over while you’re here.”

Throat clearing. Quiet. “Yeah. Ok.”

“Or write me more emails and texts and everything. Whatever you need to do, but we’ll be able to talk when we see each other.”

Throat clearing. “Mm-hmm.”

“Bye Blaine.”

~~~~~

December 28th  
@ 1:39 am  
Blaine: Thanks Kurt.  
Blaine: for like everything on earth.

1:41 am  
Kurt: Same to you, Blainers. Same to you.

1:45 am  
Blaine: I think I like Poophead more than Blainers now.

1:46 am  
Kurt: Ok Poophead. :)


	14. Chapter 14

When he arrives at the Hummel-Hudson’s on New Year’s Eve eve, Blaine is greeted at the door with a hug from Carole. She tells him that Kurt had to make a last minute run to the store for dinner rolls. She leads him into the family room, where Burt is watching a football game. Blaine knows that he would normally be uncomfortable, awkward, spending time alone with his boyfriend’s parents, spending time alone with any near strangers, but somehow he feels like he fits here.

“Hi, Mmmm-mis-mister Hummel,” Blaine greets Kurt’s dad. Burt gets up and offers Blaine a warm handshake.

“I made roasted chicken, because Kurt tells me it’s your favorite,” Carole explains. “I would have made my grandmother’s f-r-i-e-d chicken, but we have to be careful around B-u-r-t. The man only eats the skin.” 

“I am s-t-a-n-d-i-n-g right here,” Burt mutters, but his eyes are laughing.

“I-I-I-I-I-I love all kinds of, of, of chicken, Carole. Dah-dah-doesn’t mmmmatter to mm-me,” Blaine reassures with a smile.

~~~~~

Dinner is uneventful, with chattering and talking over each other and the usual squabbling between Finn and Kurt that Blaine is starting to understand a bit better. He still feels awfully quiet around Kurt’s family, but it’s not because he’s uncomfortable. It has more to do with just being in awe of their dynamic.

After dinner, Blaine and Kurt pick out several movies to watch and Finn joins them, but only after he ascertains that they don’t mind. 

“I don’t want to be a third wheel,” Finn says.

“How, how, how could you bbb-be a third wheel in your own house?” Blaine asks. “I-I-I’m more the third wwww-wheel than you.”

“If you say so,” is Finn’s only reply as he shoots a smirk at Kurt, who is standing behind Blaine rolling his eyes and making throat cutting gestures at Finn.

First they watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation for the billionth time, because somehow it never fails to be hilarious. The three boys talk their way through, saying lines and repeating favorite parts. 

“Shitter was full,” Blaine mimics.

“How does that line never fail to make me laugh?” Kurt asks in mild wonder.

Then they put in Legally Blonde and within 10 minutes Finn is fast asleep in the recliner and Kurt and Blaine are entwined on the couch.

“So, do you want to talk about your dad stuff?” Kurt asks quietly, turning to face Blaine.

Kurt watches Blaine in the glow of the television. He sighs and tenses his face as he searches for words. “I dunno,” he whispers, his hand grabbing for Kurt’s. Anytime he has to talk about things that make him uncomfortable, he finds that the simple act of holding Kurt’s hand makes it easier.

Kurt moves down the couch a bit and pats his thigh, which is the only invitation Blaine needs to rest his head on Kurt’s lap and lay out on the rest of the couch. Kurt loves when they sit like this because Blaine has this tendency to take Kurt’s arm and hug it to his chest. And this moment is no different. It also gives Kurt the perfect angle to run his fingers through Blaine’s hair.

Blaine sighs again, though this one is more contented. As Kurt begins playing with his curls, Blaine closes his eyes. He stays like that for a few minutes, his breath evening out and Kurt wonders if he fell asleep.

Blaine opens his eyes then and just starts... talking. Kurt has honestly never heard Blaine talk this much before. He tells Kurt about how he felt as a kid when his dad wasn’t patient with him, how he feels now that his dad wants to make it up to him. How it’s hard to believe that this is really happening, because he never even hoped that it might. Blaine talks about having trouble believing his father and his intentions being pure of heart, but he doesn’t know why he would try to trick Blaine. 

“Or I-I-I-I guess trick isn’t the rrr-right word, bb-buh-but I really dah-do feel mm-mah-manipulated and then that mm-makes me feel ss-sort of guilty.”

He tells Kurt that he wants to talk to his mom about a lot of this stuff but he doesn’t really want to dredge it all up. He says he did tell his dad before he left that he wants to go ice fishing and he thinks Kurt was right, that he needs to think of it as a trial run and if it doesn’t work out, Blaine can re-evaluate. He doesn’t have to be best friends with his father, but he shouldn’t ignore this attempt to smooth things over. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels sort of disgusted with himself because there’s a little piece of him that’s really happy that his dad wants to spend time with him. 

“That mm-makes me feel dah-dumb. Why do I-I-I-I even care? I guess be-be-be-be-be-cause he’s my dd-dah-dad. Still, kinda pathetic.”

Kurt can tell, from how Blaine moves from topic to topic, that this conversation doesn’t actually require Kurt to say anything. Mostly Blaine needs a friendly ear, so Kurt “mm-hmms” and “yups” and gently runs his fingers through Blaine’s hair while he listens. 

Blaine soon moves on to how weird it is that none of these issues are about him being gay. Blaine explains that he’s not sure if that’s because he has bigger problems with his dad, or if maybe his dad is more accepting of it than Blaine ever thought possible. He talks about how he feels like coming out of the closet wasn’t even the event that started everything rolling in the right direction with his father, that surprisingly it was the day at the coffee place and the ensuing fight they had in the car.

“Kurt, he www-was such a dah-dick to mmm-me that day. Buh-but if that’s ww-what may-made him want to go to therapy then that’s www-what sss-started all this … other stuff. The family bbb-bon-bon-bonding and the ice fishing and the not be-be-be-ing an asshole all the time. At least sss-something good came out of that fight.”

He moves on to how he feels like things are so good right now, even knowing that Kurt’s leaving isn’t upsetting him the way he expected it to. How he feels hopeful and happy and that everything in his life is better than ok, and he doesn’t want to let his father ruin that. He worries that allowing his dad this opening migh leave him upset, but that if he doesn’t at least try, he might wind up regretting it in the long run.

Blaine summarizes, “Buh-but I think I-I-I-I have to try Kurt, ya know? If he’s gonna try, then I-I-I www-will, too.” Blaine looks up at Kurt and squeezes his eyes shut. 

Then he says in rush of breath, “That was a lot of words.” He sits up and turns sideways to bury in face in Kurt’s chest. Kurt can see the blush creep up Blaine’s neck and onto his ears, even in this dim light. He brings his arms around Blaine lightly.

“You’re allowed to talk, Blaine,” Kurt says softly. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

Blaine makes his half and half gesture with his hand and gives Kurt a kiss on the cheek. Then he moves over the other end of the couch and pats his own lap. “I-I-I think it’s your turn.”

Kurt gives him a questioning look before putting his head on Blaine’s lap and smiling up at him. Kurt grabs Blaine’s forearm and hugs it across his chest. 

“So,” Blaine starts. “I-I-I’m going to mmm-meet a lot of your friends tomorrow nah-night. Maybe it’s time for you to, to, to tell mm-mm-me mmmm-more about high ssss-ssss-school.”

Kurt absentmindedly runs his fingers up and down Blaine’s forearm as he spills the whole story to Blaine this time. Starting with how when he originally told him the story via instant message, he watered it down a bit, mostly for brevity. He apologizes and says that this time he’ll give him the full truth. Kurt explains to Blaine what bullying at his high school looked like, egging and dumpster tosses, slushies to the face and general pushing around.

He tells Blaine that the day that Puck found him crying in the locker room was the day, the only day of his life, that he ever even vaguely contemplated ending it. It was the usual bullying, the pushes, the shoves, nothing more, but it was all too much to handle, he was overwhelmed and he felt so very alone. When Puck found him he was sobbing and he actually couldn’t stop himself from telling Puck that he was just so tired of everything and didn’t feel like dealing anymore.

“We were doing mash-ups in glee club that week and everyone, everything, was making me feel... bad. I was shooting my mouth off and I said that maybe I should kill myself. And then Puck asked me if I had a plan and I said no. And he said ‘Well don’t you fucking dare make one, Hummel. Don’t you fucking dare.’” 

Blaine's fingers freeze on Kurt's temple, where a moment ago they had been lightly caressing.

Kurt continues talking, zoning out in his story, remembering details he hasn’t thought about in years. He tells Blaine that things gradually improved after that day. That it was a little annoying at first, to always feel like Puck was fighting his battles, but then it started working. The bullies stopped bothering him as much. They stopped throwing him into dumpsters, they stopped egging his car. The slushies never really stopped, but they didn't stop for anyone else, either.

“I can thank Puck for making the rest of junior year bearable. I worry that sometimes I sound ungrateful when I talk about him, but I’m not. I was pretty pissed off that he verbally harassed you immediately upon meeting you, but his heart is in the right place 99% of the time and I respect that.”

Kurt’s story moves on then, to his senior year of high school and meeting Sebastian. How he was attracted to him and really did have fun with him at times. “Although our big ‘illegal’ dealings were making fake ID’s on his Macbook for the guys at his fancy prep school. He always acted like we were in the mafia or something." 

Kurt talks about Karofsky being one of his biggest tormentors and how when he told Sebastian about him, Sebastian ran with this idea that Kurt needed to seek his revenge. “Sometimes I’m still not sure how it all went down, but essentially Sebastian told Karofsky that we knew his secret. And that's what made Karofsky come out of the closet. It was shocking and horrible."

Kurt notices then that Blaine hasn’t said anything, hasn’t reacted in any way, in a long time. He feels that Blaine's whole body is tense beneath him and when he finally looks at Blaine's face he's shocked to find it filled with a what looks like a tearful, but quiet mess of emotions.

“Blaine?” Kurt sits up to look at him.

Blaine’s face cracks, his chin quivering and he shakes his head, tears leak out of his eyes. 

“You www-weren’t rrrr-really going to, Kurt?” Blaine puts his hands on Kurt’s shoulders and looks into his eyes. “You wwww-weren’t going to rr-rr-rr-rr-really hurt yourself?”

“Oh, Blaine. No, I wasn’t. It was a moment. A bad moment, a terrible moment. But I never really was going to do anything. And I haven’t ever felt like that again. But I wasn’t close, I wasn’t close to even really trying.”

Blaine sighs in relief and closes his eyes as pulls his hands away from Kurt’s shoulders. He puts his clenched fists in his lap and Kurt uses his thumbs to wipe away Blaine’s tears. 

Blaine can only shake his head as his breath hitches.

“It’s ok. I didn’t do anything. I’m fine now,” Kurt hums in Blaine’s ear. He takes Blaine’s hands in both of his and kisses Blaine’s knuckles.

“Well, here ww-ww-we are again in one of, of, of those dah-dumb mo-mo-moments wwww-where the wrong person is comforting the other,” Blaine mumbles.

“It’s just cause we love each other so darn much, poophead,” Kurt murmurs with a small grin. 

“That mmm-must bb-bb-bb-be it,” Blaine agrees as he wraps Kurt tight in his arms. 

The movie ends soon after that and when Kurt wakes Finn up to say it’s over, Finn looks up at him confusedly. “I had the weirdest dream that Blaine was going ice fishing with Dave Karofsky.”

Kurt’s glad he had the opportunity to stop Carole from making up the guest room earlier, the boys are in desperate need of bedtime cuddles. Blaine isn’t crying now, but he can’t get the image of young, sad Kurt out of his mind. He clings to Kurt in an attempt to soothe himself with the knowledge that he’s here and they found each other and all is right with the world.

Blaine falls asleep pretty much wrapped around Kurt, arms and legs embracing Kurt tightly. Unfortunately, sleep is not coming so easily for Kurt. He does the classic “hug and roll,” substituting a pillow into Blaine’s arms when he stirs briefly, making little grabbing gestures with his hands. Blaine smack his lips and then nuzzles his face into it. Kurt looks on with an expression that he’s sure Blaine would call fond exasperation, before making his way downstairs.

He finds his father in the kitchen, heating the saucepan on the stove, as though he could sense Kurt’s anxieties. 

“Hey, bud, what are you doing up?” Burt asks quietly.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kurt sighs.

“Woke up and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Felt like I could use some warm milk, ” Burt gestures towards the pan. “You want some?”

“Of course,” Kurt replies. “And same with me, minus the part where I was asleep in the first place.”

“What’s on your mind?” Burt asks.

“Paris. Leaving. Blaine. Crap.” Kurt admits with a frown

“Well, we put a lot of money out for this semester,” Burt starts. “I don’t want to get down on you about it now, but at this point it’s only 80% refundable, but I mean, I guess...”

“No, no. I’m going. This is a trip I’ve wanted pretty much my entire life. It’s just terrible timing,” Kurt interrupts.

Burt nods.

“Everything with Blaine is really … getting good,” Kurt says.

“I can tell, he’s more talkative now than he was at Thanksgiving,” Burt agrees.

“I know! I’m so proud of him. Which sounds weird to me everytime I say it, but he works so hard. He goes to speech twice a week and he’s always practicing and trying. I don’t know. I think I would have let it get me down a long time ago. But he’s so cheerful. Like 90% of the time he’s probably the happiest person I’ve ever met.” Burt watches Kurt talk about this guy and is happy to notice that even in the middle of the night, when he’s obviously exhausted, talking about Blaine makes Kurt animated.

“You found something good, Kurt. You lucked out,” Burt tells him as he brings their mugs over to the table.

“He makes me happy. He makes me … better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s be honest here, Dad. When people say the name Kurt Hummel, the first word that comes to mind isn’t patient.”

“Well, that’s true,” Burt chuckles.

“And he makes me want to be patient. Like, even when it’s taking him a million years to say something, it’s worth the wait. He’s been worth the wait.”

“Well, that’s love for ya,” Burt says.

“It is. It’s good. We’re good for each other. I worry sometimes that I would have never given him the time of day if I hadn’t met him the way I did.”

“You really want to play that game with yourself Kurt? Don’t make yourself feel bad over something that you could never predict. That’s just ass backward logic.”

“I know, Dad.” Kurt’s not entirely consoled. He’s had the thought too many times not to take this opportunity to voice it. He’s well aware of the fact that his father is a judgment free zone. “I like to hope that I’m more open-minded than that, but I really might have passed him by the second he couldn’t get his name out.”

Burt shakes his head. “Don’t do it, Kurt. Appreciate what you got, don’t get stuck on the what if’s.” 

They continue to talk for a bit longer and then both head back to bed. Kurt finds that Blaine has somehow stolen all of the pillows and blankets in his absence. He regrets not letting Carole put sheets on the guest room bed as he attempts to pry at least one pillow out of Blaine’s sleepy, iron grip.

~~~~~

Blaine wakes up early, and finds it odd that Kurt is sleeping on a really uncomfortable looking throw pillow and huddled under a small corner of the top sheet. Blaine slickly rolls Kurt onto a more comfortable pillow and tucks the comforter around him. He uses the bathroom and when he comes out he finds Kurt’s dad in the hallway.

“Hey, I’m going into the shop for a little bit this morning, but maybe you want pancakes before I go?” Burt beams.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll go www-wake up Kurt,” Blaine offers.

“Nah, let him sleep, we’ll save some for him. He was up late.”

“What about … uh, everyone else?”

“Carole worked the overnight and it’s never worth even trying to wake Finn up before noon.”

Blaine follows Kurt’s dad down the stairs and into the kitchen, trying to figure out what he’s going to talk to him about for the length of preparing and then eating breakfast.

As Burt starts cracking eggs, he asks Blaine questions, though he’s much less intense about them today than he was at Thanksgiving and this time they’re more tailored to Blaine. He asks if he’s been playing open mic night and how his final exams went and if he’s planning on working at after school care again this semester. Burt even asks about speech therapy, after seeing how comfortable Blaine was with it when Carole asked. Burt hopes maybe it’ll have the same effect on Blaine this time.

And Blaine is proud of himself for saying more than yes, or no, or fine, which was what he was pretty much limited to at Thanksgiving. He tells Burt stories about the kids at after care, the crazy kids, the funny kids and then he tells him about his finals being easier than he expected. When speech comes up, Blaine feels a little shy. 

“It’s ok,” Blaine finally says. “I-I-I think I’m in a plateau rr-rr-right nah-now. It was getting bet-bet-better and now I-I-I-I’m levelling off.” He shrugs.

“I think you sound good. Kurt said you’re working really hard on it.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, never shuts up about how proud he is of you.”

Blaine grins sheepishly.

When Burt puts a plate of delicious and nearly perfectly round looking pancakes on the counter in front of Blaine, he’s feeling comfortable, relaxed. He looks at Burt, pouring syrup on his own plate and says “Thanks... B-b-buh-buh-urt.” 

Burt gives his shoulder a bump with his own and replies “Anytime, kid,” as a smile draws across Burt’s lips.

“Have you ever b-b-b-been ice fishing?” Blaine asks.

~~~~~

Kurt wakes up late, the sun streaming into his room. He goes downstairs and finds Blaine on the couch in the family room. He’s intently watching House Hunters International on low volume, with one of the throw blankets wrapped around his head and shoulders, his sleep mussed curls peeking out from underneath. 

“Hi,” Kurt giggles. “Having fun?”

“These dd-dah-douchebags can’t mm-make up their mmmmm-minds. Always take the house with the moat,” Blaine mock yells at the tv.

“It’s sound advice. Have you seen any other members of my family today?

“Um, I saw your duh-dad, he mm-may-made me pancakes. There are ssss-some in the oven for you and there’s still coffee, buh-buh-but he left for the shop a little while ago.”

“You should have woke me up,” Kurt whines as he sits next to Blaine on the couch and accepts Blaine’s wordless offer to join him under the blanket.

“Nah. We were bb-bon-bon-bonding.”

“You bonded with my dad over pancakes?”

“Yeah, and ice fishing.”

“I feel like I woke up in bizarro world,” Kurt yawns. “What do you feel like doing today?”

Blaine shrugs. “I-I-I-I don’t rrr-rrr-reh-really care. I-I-I think I’m going to need to take a nap at sss-some point if I’m going to sss-sta-stay up late tonight though. Are we ssss-leeping at Rachel’s?”

“Yeah, I figure this way we can both drink.”

“Is Finn coming ww-ww-with us?”

“Probably. I have no idea how that’s going to go. It’s the first time he’s seeing Rachel and Puck as a couple.”

Blaine gives him a wide-eyed look of “oh, that should be interesting.”

“I feel like I need to warn you about my friends. They like to sing. A lot,” Kurt begins.

“I’m nah-not offended bb-by song.”

“They’ll probably try to make you sing.”

“I’d rather ssss-sing than mm-mm-may-make small talk.”

“True. And are you really cool with doing this tonight? Going to this party?

“Of course. I-I-I mean, I’m a little nah-nervous, buh-but not too bah-bah-bad. You’ll be there, that’s all that mmm-mat-ters.”

Kurt retrieves his pancakes after that and the boys spend the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon hanging out in the family room, watching crappy tv and making each other laugh. 

~~~~~

When the boys arrive at Rachel’s later that night, she immediately whisks Kurt away.

“I need you to help me choose which wine glasses to put out,” she exclaims as soon as they walk through the door.

She turns to Blaine and Finn before dragging Kurt into the kitchen and greets them. “Blaine. Finn. Hello. Welcome to my home. There are drinks downstairs. Puck and a bunch of other people are already down there, be sure to use a coaster.”

Blaine just nods and looks at Finn, who seems a little shocked that he didn’t get a warmer greeting from Rachel. They head down the stairs and find Puck messing around with an iPod and about 15 other people milling about. They pour themselves drinks by a small bar, both deciding liquor before beer to get the night started.

After a couple sips, Finn mutters something about Puck’s horrible taste in music and then wanders away. Blaine is left to fend for himself. Which shouldn’t actually be an issue. He could go over by Puck too, Puck’s definitely his friend these days, but instead he finds himself leaning against the wall, just taking in the scene.

It’s an interesting crowd. Kurt had given him brief little bios on each of his friends who would be here tonight, though he definitely can’t tell Quinn from Brittany at the moment, there are a couple people he doesn’t think Kurt ever even mentioned. He wonders what they know about him, if anything. It seems like they all remained fairly tight after high school, communicating regularly and seeing each other every chance they get.

He stays there, surveying the crowd for several minutes, when he’s approached from the side by one of the other guests.

“Hi,” she says with a warm smile. “I’m Tina.”

Shit. Well, he can smile and offer a handshake, so he starts there.

“Hi, um, I’m, um,” deep breath. Another deep breath. Let go of her hand because this block might be a doozy, he tells himself. Three more deep breaths. It’s times like these he questions the worth of speech therapy. No matter how hard he works and how many different techniques he prepares and tries out with Chad, nothing ever seems to make saying his name easier. He cancels the block and tries again.

“I’m Bah-laine.” Score one for you, he tells himself. “Dddd-did Kurt sss-sss-send you over?” he asks shyly.

“No, no, well, he might have sent me down to check on you. But I actually wanted to talk to you anyway, his prompting made me come over sooner. I … feel like I have something to confess. But I’m not sure why. I guess in part because Puck talks about you all the time. He told us about your stutter. And how he thinks you’re a good guy for Kurt.”

Blaine couldn’t be more intrigued by wherever this thought process of Tina’s might be going. He also has a hundred questions. When did Puck say he was a good guy? Did Puck warn them about his stutter, or was it mentioned in passing? How often do Puck and Tina talk? Who is this “us,” all of Kurt’s friends? Or just a select few?

“Well, he said it more Puck-like than I just did, but that was the basic idea.”

Blaine barks a laugh at this. “I-I-I know exactly www-what you mah-mean.”

It’s Tina’s turn to take a deep breath and Blaine can tell she’s nervous about what she’s about to say. “When I was a kid, and up until about 5 years ago, I stuttered. At first, I pretended to stutter actually. I was so shy and I never wanted to talk in class, so I started pretending. My teachers would never made me give speeches in class when I stuttered, so then I started doing it all the time. And then it just... stuck. When I finally admitted to it being faked, it was actually really hard to stop.”

She looks at Blaine then and he has a completely unreadable expression on his face. His fists are clenched and he’s not making eye contact.

“You’re lucky,” he starts, looking at her finally. And Blaine means to say she’s lucky for a million reasons, not least of which is that she doesn’t actually stutter. But he’s still working on those thoughts, those words, they’ll come out eventually. He can also tell that she has something else to say.

“I am,” she agrees. And then waits to see if he’s going to say more. When he looks away she decides to continue. “I know it might seem kind of … offensive to you, but I was hoping that if maybe I had a chance to defend myself, it would be better. Some people might not bring it up tactfully to you and then I’d just look like a psychopath or something.”

Blaine watches Tina as her eyes dip to the ground and realizes how sincere she is about this, how well meaning this whole conversation is. He can also perceive that she’s really anxious and something else, something deeper than that, gentler than anxious. She flicks her eyes to him in a gesture that Blaine is all too familiar with, a gesture of surrender, that says “please accept me.” He can do that.

“I-I-I wwww-was going to say, to say, to say, you’re lucky that your teachers were ss-so nnn-nn-nice about it. Mine www-weren’t always.”

Tina nods. “I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t hate me or something. We’re going to start seeing more of each other soon.”

Blaine looks at her curiously.

“I’m transferring to Pratt for the spring semester. I’ve been going to school in Chicago with my boyfriend Mike, but he signed a two year contract with a world wide touring company. I decided I didn’t want to be in Chicago without him, so I’m actually going to sublet from Kurt while he’s away and then figure out other living arrangements after that.”

“Oh, I-I-I di-didn’t know about you ss-sub-subletting..”

“Yeah, we kind of just worked it all out about,” here she checks her watch, “ten minutes ago.”

“Well, then I-I-I guess I ww-wah-wasn’t purposefully left out of the loop.”

“Probably not,” she concurs with a smile.

They stand there, smiling at each other for a minute, when she says, “So, I hear you sing.”

“I dah-do, from time to time,” Blaine answers non-committally.

“Do you and Kurt ever sing together?”

“Not rr-really. I-I-I-I’ve nah-never really heard him sss-sss-ing actually. Just ss-sort of hum along with songs. I’ve nah-never heard him beh-beh-belt one out, buh-but I hear he’s good.” Blaine feels surprisingly comfortable around Tina already.

“You’re in for a treat tonight,” she tells him with a grin.

~~~~~

The party moves on from there, Kurt reappears with a cheese plate and very pink drink.

“She decided to put grenadine in this pina colada and I’m like ‘Rachel, not every freaking drink needs to be pink.’ But she claims they taste better that way.”

Blaine takes a sip and makes a face. “Taste like something you’d bb-buy at Bath & Body Works.” Blaine’s two drinks deep and his speech is nearly flawless. He’s feeling happy and relaxed and downright chatty (for him).

Kurt makes a point of introducing him to every single person in the room, which kind of makes Blaine’s heart swell. They’re all varying degrees of nice to ridiculously nice. (He would use better synonyms but alcohol tends to dampen his inner thesaurus.)

Now that the group has pretty much assembled for the evening Rachel kicks off the celebration with a rousing rendition of Firework by Katy Perry and then she drags Kurt and Quinn up for Time After Time, complete with the Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion-esque dancing.

Kurt grabs for the microphone, obviously already well on his way to being drunk.

“Hello everyone!” he chirps. “Say hi to Blaine.”

Blaine wants to crawl in a hole, but all of Kurt’s friends go along with it and say hi to him, even though they were all just introduced to him within the past half hour. He blushes and waves.

“He sings for me all the time, so this one’s for him.”

Kurt starts singing and Blaine is touched.

I wanna go walking with you  
If you'd agree  
I wanna do some talking with you  
Where no one can see  
I wanna go dancing darling

When Kurt’s done he tosses the microphone to the next person and walks over to Blaine. 

“Well, that wah-was exquisite,” Blaine remarks.

“I’m preening,” Kurt says, as he literally preens. “Are you going to sing?”

“I’ll let other people go first,” Blaine replies.

“Ok. You cool here for a couple minutes? I’m going to go in search of more food and such.”

“Sure, I’ll be, be, be right here.” Blaine takes a seat on the bench that runs along one wall of Rachel’s basement. Rachel comes over, soon after Kurt walks away.

“Having fun?” she asks as she pats Blane’s leg warmly.

“Yeah,” he nods and smiles. “I’m gonna mm-miss you guys while Kurt’s away.” He winces at how needy that might make him sound, but it was out of his mouth before he could think better of it.

Rachel looks at him, a little shocked. “We’re not gonna hang out while he’s gone?” she pouts.

“Oh. Um. I mean, I mean. If you want to. I-I-I didn’t, uh, want to assume. Anything, or whatever,” he mumbles self-consciously.

“Well, for starters, I think Puck would cry if he didn’t see you for 5 months.” They both turn to look at Puck, who’s currently trying to convince Artie to do a keg stand.

“Is that a good idea?” Blaine questions Rachel.

“I don’t know, Artie’s a grown up,” she points out. “He’s not afraid of Puck.”

He and Rachel sit in amiable silence for a few minutes, watching as Puck’s persuasion skills kick into high gear and Artie does a keg stand.

“Good lord,” Blaine remarks, “he took that like a champ.”

Rachel looks at Blaine appraisingly. “You really didn’t think we would hang out while Kurt was away? I mean, even though we’re all friends now? Like us and Matt and Kerry and everyone?” Rachel knows how shy and insecure Blaine is, but she’s surprised how sad it makes her that he would think they weren’t close enough to hang out without Kurt around.

“Oh. I-I-I don’t know.” He dips his head and then glances at her. “I guess I … didn’t want to … get my hopes up.”

Rachel’s pink drinks are starting to affect her at this point, so she snuggles under Blaine’s arm. He’s a little confused for a second, but he gives her shoulder a squeeze, because it seems natural.

“Get your hopes up Blaine,” she says. “You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my … friendship.” She smiles a wide, toothy smile up at him. Blaine giggles and takes a sip from Rachel’s drink, since the straw was pretty much accosting him as Rachel gestured animatedly with it in front of his face. 

“So are you gonna sing?” Rachel asks. “I’m particularly fond of your voice with acoustic guitar accompaniment. I believe there’s a guitar in the corner over there, for these instances. Perhaps you could be cajoled?” Blaine’s always impressed how, even drunk, Rachel has a certain whimsy in the way she speaks. 

Kurt comes back at that point, with a plate piled high with food. He offers some to Blaine, who gladly accepts chips and dip, and Rachel who shakes her head as she sucks on her straw. 

“Rachel w-w-was trying to cajole me to sing,” he tells Kurt.

“I told you this would happened,” Kurt says.

“Luckily, I-I-I have something prepared,” Blaine responds. Puck walks past holding several full shot glasses, Blaine grabs one and sucks it down. 

“Fuck!” He makes a pained face, “What the hell was that?”

“Vodka,” Puck replies. “With some tabasco.”

“I feel very warm now,” Blaine says, as heat rises in his cheeks. Rachel offers him the end of her drink and he accepts it gladly. That shot is easily going to tip him from sort of drunk to pretty drunk. Which is the perfect kind of drunk for him to be when playing the guitar by himself in a room full of strangers. 

There’s a lull in the karaoke, so Blaine wanders casually over to the guitar and takes a seat on the edge of the stage, not really facing anyone. He studiously tunes the guitar and then starts strumming. 

First he plays the Tuna Salad song, but he doesn’t sing, he’s just using it to settle his nerves. He looks up and Kurt is smiling at him. Blaine makes a nodding gesture for Kurt to come over by him. 

Blaine stands up as he continues to strum and he moves into a poppy, sort of punk sounding version of Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now. As Kurt makes his way towards him, Blaine doesn’t break eye contact. He starts singing:

Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise.  
This world that I found is too good to be true.  
Standing here beside you,   
I want so much to give you this love in my heart that I’m feeling for you  
Let them say we're crazy.

By the time he hits the first chorus, Kurt’s joined him on stage and Puck’s singing and twirling Rachel around. Their energy is contagious and soon everyone is up singing along and dancing around the room. Blaine feels like the drunk Pied Piper. 

When the last chord dies down, Kurt leans in to kiss Blaine and a whoop comes up from the crowd. It seems like Blaine started a bit of a trend. Sam comes up to him to take the guitar and immediately starts in on a song Blaine doesn’t know, but is apparently a crowd pleaser with this group. Everyone starts laughing and clapping along. 

Blaine finds himself carried away with the crowd. Dancing with Kurt, being silly, drinking way more than he means to. Talking and laughing and feeling genuinely pleased with the turn that his life has taken in the past year. 

Kurt pulls him into a corner a few minutes before midnight.

“So, Poophead, what did you think of 2014?” Kurt asks.

“I-I-I think if I went back to last New Year’s Eve and told myself what would happen this year, I would punch my-myself in the face for making up lies,” Blaine notes. 

“That’s an interesting reaction,” Kurt snorts.

Blaine bobs his head in agreement. “How bb-bout you? What did you think?”

Kurt shakes his head in wonder. “Best year of my life.”

The ball drops.

The boys kiss.

And neither one of them has a care in the world.


	15. Chapter 15

Selected texts from the rest of winter break

January 1  
@ 1:45 pm  
Kurt: OMG. Did I do a keg stand last night?

1:46 pm  
Blaine: Yes you did.  
Blaine: why are you texting me?

1:48 pm  
Kurt: Because I forgot you were here.  
Kurt: How did we get here?

1:51 pm  
Blaine: Finn woke us up at like 6am and was sober enough to drive  
Blaine: So he dragged our asses home.  
Blaine: And you’ve been sleeping like a baby ever since.

1:53 pm  
Kurt: Where are you?

1:56 pm  
Blaine: In the basement playing Mariokart with Finn  
Blaine: He’s terrible at this game.  
Blaine: whooops. He was reading over my shoulder.

1:58 pm  
Kurt: Awk-ward.  
Kurt: I’ll be down in a minute.

\-----------

January 4  
@ 1:17 am  
Blaine: I miss sleeping with you.

1:18 am  
Kurt: You were welcome to stay another night.   
Kurt: I think you could have stayed here for the rest of break.  
Kurt: I think my dad misses you more than I do.

1:21 am  
Blaine: LOL. Tell Burt I miss him too.  
Blaine: I miss his pancakes and his wisdom.  
Blaine: But I couldn’t stay longer and you know it.  
Blaine: For starters I ran out of clothes.  
Blaine: But you need a couple days to hang out with your family before you leave.  
Blaine: I don’t need to be there for the tearful goodbyes  
Blaine: I don’t even want to be there for *my* tearful goodbye.

1:23 am  
Kurt: Aw. Poophead.  
Kurt: crying in the corner font.

\-----------

January 5  
@ 2:33 pm  
Blaine: I dunno, do you think I should?

2:48 pm  
Kurt: Do I think you should... what?

2:50 pm  
Blaine: Damn. That was meant for Matt.

2:51 pm  
Kurt: What are you guys talking about?

2:52 pm  
Blaine: NONE OF YO BEEESWAX!

2:54 pm  
Kurt: well then.  
Kurt: I think you should... TELL ME NOW.

2:57 pm  
Blaine: Bitch please. A man’s gotta have his secrets.

2:58 pm  
Kurt: I love when you talk like that.

3:00 pm  
Blaine: I know :)  
Blaine: That’s why I do it.

\-----------

January 6th  
@ 7:52 pm  
Kurt: So. What’s Blaine planning?

8:08 pm  
Matt: I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
Matt: who are you?  
Matt: who is this “Blaine”?

8:10 pm  
Kurt: I hate both of you.

\-----------

9:15 pm  
Kurt: Matt is a very good minion.

9:17 pm  
Blaine: Don’t I know it.  
Blaine: He told me you were pumping him for information.  
Blaine: I’m not actually planning anything.

9:20 pm  
Kurt: I don’t believe you.

9:21 pm  
Blaine: Although, even if I wasn’t planning anything, now I’m going to have to plan something  
Blaine: Because you have all of these expectations  
Blaine: And I’m not an asshole.  
Blaine: Guess I better start planning...

\-----------

January 7  
@ 12:14 am  
Kurt: What are you planning Blaine?

12:16 am  
Blaine: Who says I’m planning anything?

12:18 am  
Kurt: You see, Blaine, the fact that you won’t tell me what that text was about makes me feel like you’re hiding something.

12:21 am  
Blaine: Interesting. I had no idea that your deductive reasoning skills were so acute.

12:22 am  
Kurt: Stop it with your fancy talk. You know that does things to me. You’re trying to distract me with your intellect. 

12:24 am  
Blaine: You know what’s hot Kurt? 5 syllable words.  
Blaine: epicurean  
Blaine: multifarious  
Blaine: ameliorate  
Blaine: peregrination  
Blaine: Yeah, that shit’s sexy.

12:27 am  
Kurt: HOT. Very hot.  
Kurt: Good thing I’m going to see you in approximately 36 hours or else I wouldn’t be able to contain myself.

12:29 am  
Blaine: What time are you guys picking me up on Friday?

12:31 am  
Kurt: Around noon, so probably closer to 3 because Rachel’s involved.  
Kurt: I’m still not sure if driving to NY with Puck and Rachel is the best or worst decision we’ve ever had.

12:34 am  
Blaine: I dunno. Could be convivial. 

12:38 am  
Kurt: that’s only 4 syllables.  
Kurt: Less hot.  
Kurt: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING????

12:41 am  
Blaine: Blaine no en casa.

~~~~~

Kurt and Blaine are at Kurt’s apartment on a snowy afternoon. It seemed like a good time for catching up on everything that’s on the DVR. They have six days until Kurt leaves for Paris and they’re both just trying to enjoy the time together. They’re curled towards each other on the couch, Kurt examining Blaine’s cuticles and tsking over the state of them.

“I-I-I’m thinking about growing a bb-bah-bah-beard while you’re away,” Blaine muses, as he turns his head to face Kurt.

Kurt raises a curious eyebrow as he leans over to grab a nail file from the coffee table.

“Since you’re nah-not a fan, I figure this ssss-semester is a good opportunity for mmm-me to explore my ruh-ruh-rugged mountain man side,” Blaine asserts.

Kurt looks at Blaine with an expression of fond exasperation.

“What? It’s a good idea. I-I-I-I’m going to call it the ‘Glorious Bah-beard of my Bah-bah-arren Solitude.’ And I-I-I will grow it in your honor,” he says deferentially.

Kurt smiles at how serious Blaine is being and gives the hand he’s currently filing a little squeeze, but doesn’t look up.

“I’ve never actually tried growing a bb-bb-bah-beard be-be-be-fore. I think I’ll like it. It’s a good wwww-winter look. I, I, I was researching vitamins that will make your hair grow quicker. Apparently if I eat a diet ruh-rich in Vitamin E, I’ll have healthy, luscious hair. And I wah-wah-want a healthy, luscious bah-beard,” Blaine continues, not taking his eyes off of Kurt.

Now Kurt shoots him a look of pure “Are you really still talking about your shitty beard?” and shakes his head. He nudges Blaine to give him his other hand and Kurt starts pushing back the cuticles.

“And I’ll grow mm-mm-my hair ww-ww-while you’re away too,” Blaine sums up.

Kurt narrows his eyes at Blaine, as if squinting might help make him understand Blaine’s bizarre mind.

“I-I-I mean with mm-my stylist abroad I’ll have to let it go a bb-bit. I’d hate to try to find a nah-new one while you’re gone, ss-ss-seeing as how you’re pretty much irreplaceable and no one would www-www-wash my hair as good as you dah-do.”

“Now you’re being a kiss ass,” Kurt remarks.

Blaine’s quiet for a minute after that, but his eyes twinkle when he turns back towards Kurt.

“I beh-bet it’s times like these that you mm-mm-miss the good old dah-days when I-I-I-I dah-didn’t talk so much, huh?” Blaine asks, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

Kurt leans over to kiss him, when he pulls back he says, “Continue talking about your stupid beard for as long as you like. Your voice is my favorite.”

“First of all,” Blaine holds up a finger, “I’m growing this Glorious Bah-beard of my Bah-barren Solitude, GBOMBS for short, in your honor, ss-ss-ss-so you dah-damn well beh-beh-bet-better speak of it with rrrrr-respect. Second of all, it’s not stuh-stupid. In fact, may-may-maybe you’re stupid.” Blaine finishes with a pout.

“Fine, it’s not stupid. I shall worship your virility from afar but when I get back I’m shaving it off so I don’t ever have to kiss you through all that vitamin enriched facial hair.”

“I accept that.”

“Of course you do, it’s a good offer.”

“You know, you’re an, an, an awfully good fella,” Blaine says examining his hands now that’s Kurt’s done cleaning up his nails. “Even if you are a dah-dumbass.”

Kurt leans his head on Blaine’s shoulder and takes his hand. “I hope you don’t change too much while I’m away.”

“What do you mm-mean?” Blaine asks, honestly unsure.

“I feel like you’ve changed so much recently, that I might come back and you won’t need me anymore. That maybe you won’t even like me anymore.”

Blaine hums thoughtfully. “I-I-I-I dah-don’t think I’ve changed. Not rr-rr-rr-really. I-I-I-I-I think... I’m beh-better. Buh-buh-but I’m still extremely shy mah-most of the time. I ss-still hate to talk to people who dah-don’t know mmmm-me.”

“No, that’s not exactly what I mean. You're so different from the guy I met in the piano room. So much more... vibrant, more you. It's like you're in technicolor now. What if I'm not...bright enough for you when I get back?”

Blaine looks at Kurt confusedly. “I’m still mm-me though, sssss-silly old Bah-blaine. I can just dah-do awesome things like say mm-my own nah-name approximately 17% of the time. As long as I-I-I dah-don’t think too much about it and there’s no pressure in the ss-ss-situation and no one’s wwwww-waiting for me to talk.”

“That’s a lot of qualifications.”

“Exactly. I-I-I have yet to successfully say mmm-my own nah-name ww-ww-when placing a coffee order. When I-I-I-I tried to introduce myself to Tina last ww-week I had my worst bb-bb-bb-blah-blah-block in a long time.” Blaine shrugs a little, as if to shake off that train of thought. “And even if I-I-I dah-do change, I don’t think I’ll stop nnnn-nah-needing you, or liking you or loving you,” Blaine gives Kurt’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

Kurt sighs, not sure what to say to that. This is something that’s been troubling him lately. In a matter of four months, Blaine is almost unrecognizable compared to how he used to act. Blaine will probably always have his moments of shyness and quietness, moments when Kurt can tell he’s holding back, but those moments are so much less frequent than they were even a month ago. In five months, Blaine could change so much that it makes Kurt feel nervous, unsure.

On New Year’s Eve, Kurt had sat back a few times, observing Blaine and watching him interact in a room where he didn’t know a lot of people and was astonished. Blaine was funny and, not quite talkative per say, but … personable. Friendly. If Kurt were to mention it to him, Blaine would brush it off, saying it was liquid courage, but Kurt knows it’s because Blaine is changing.

And change is good, Kurt doesn’t begrudge Blaine his growth. Kurt just wishes he could be there while Blaine grows. So he can keep up. He hopes he can keep up.

“You know it could go the, the, the other way,” Blaine says, pulling Kurt out of his thoughts. “You could come bb-back and find that you’ve outgrown mm-me. Outgrown this. You could mm-mm-meet some buh-buh-buh-beautiful Parisian gentleman and dd-decide to rrrr-run away with him.”

Kurt laughs. “I don’t see that happening.”

“It’s 132 days,” Blaine remarks. “We can dah-do it. We’ll bbb-bbb-be fine. We’ll mmm-miss each other, buh-buh-but wwww-we’ll get through it.”

“I’m going to miss you so much that I can’t stop thinking about all the ways things could go to shit while we’re apart,” Kurt answers.

Blaine cups Kurt’s face, and looks at him with a serious expression. “Would it may-may-make you feel beh-better if I-I-I let you paint my nails?” he asks.

“Yes!” Kurt exclaims quickly. “Rachel recently bought this delightful raspberry color that I think you’ll really love.”

It’s Blaine’s turn to give Kurt a look of fond exasperation. “I’m allowed to take it off be-before ww-wwww-we go anywhere rr-rr-ight?”

“Yes, fine. It’s the process of painting them that I enjoy. You have such wide nail beds.” Kurt returns from Rachel’s room a moment later with the bottle of polish and the boys sit quietly watching tv, lost in their own thoughts.

Kurt never fails to make Blaine feel adored. Even watching him put garishly red polish on his finger nails makes Blaine love Kurt just a little bit more. Kurt delicately brushes it on and then blows cool air on each one, sending little shivers up Blaine’s spine.

As Kurt finishes, he tells Blaine “Now don’t touch anything for a little while.”

He gives Blaine a devious smile and straddles his lap. Kurt takes Blaine’s face in his hands as he kisses him, then he winds his arms around Blaine’s neck and deepens the kiss. Blaine obediently holds his hands in the air, not wanting a reprimand for messing up the paint that Kurt worked so diligently on. Their kisses are full of smiles and when Kurt pulls away for a breath, Blaine dips his head to brush his lips softly against Kurt’s neck and then nips at his exposed collarbone.

Kurt sits back and whips his shirts off over his head.

“Oh, this very unfair,” Blaine whispers, as he starts frantically blowing on his nails to dry them. “I don’t think I like this game anymore.”

“Come on, let’s go play in my room for a little while,” Kurt murmurs as he draws Blaine off the couch.

~~~~~

“What are you guys doing tonight?” Puck asks, when they emerge from Kurt’s bedroom about an hour later. Puck and Rachel are in the kitchen, cooking something that smells amazing to Blaine.

“Well,” Blaine begins, shooting a pointed look at Kurt, “Kurt de-de-decided it’s a good nah-night to buh-buh-bum me out with talk about outgrowing our relationship wwww-while he’s away. So we’ll probably end the evening wwwww-with a good cry while we hold each other.”

“Fuck that, you’re not allowed to talk like that Kurt,” Puck says.

“Yes!” Rachel chirps. “No sad talk. Group hug!” And then drags all three boys into a hug. 

Matt and Kerry come over for dinner and bring with them a gigantic tin of popcorn that Matt’s mom shipped to him as an “I miss you already” present.

“I kind of want to swim in this popcorn tub,” Rachel declares as she takes another handful.

Kerry nods happily with a mouthful of caramel corn.

Kurt’s sitting on a stool and Blaine’s arms are wrapped around his waist, his chin hooked over Kurt’s shoulder, while Kurt feeds him cheddar popcorn.

“I think we should start a cover band,” Puck says, seemingly out of nowhere.

“YES!” Matt exclaims. “I’ve always wanted to start an Alanis Morissette cover band with a bunch of dudes and call it Cross-Eyed Bear.”

“You know that’s not what the words are,” Kerry chimes in.

“I know, that’s what makes it funny,” Matt informs her.

“Ironic, even,” Kurt agrees, with a smirk.

“Guys,” Kerry begins. “I have a serious issue I’d like to bring before the group.” They all look at her. “Are we not going to discuss the fact that Blaine’s fingernails are currently painted Bahama Mama red?”

“I think they’re pretty,” Kurt announces.

Blaine unwraps himself from Kurt’s waist and closes the gap between him and Kerry, where he playfully punches her arm and gives her a reprimanding look.

“Go ahead,” she quips to Blaine. “Go run away and pretend to be a ghost again.”

“No, I-I-I think I-I-I’m ok this time,” Blaine mumbles shyly.

“Oh my God, Blaine!” Kerry yelps excitedly. “This is a huge step in our friendship! We’re going to be best friends now, aren’t we?”

“Hey, wait a second,” Matt punches Kerry’s other should playfully. “He’s my best friend. Get your own.”

“Guys, guys,” Blaine laughs, a blush creeping up his neck. “There’s p-puh-puh-lenty of mmmm-me to go around. I-I-I-I’m about to, to, to have a lot of free time.”

“Aw, fella,” Kurt says as he grabs for Blaine’s waist and pulls him close enough to lay his cheek on Blaine’s back. “Don’t talk like that, you make me sad.”

“Oh, bb-bb-be quiet. You made mm-me ssssss-sad this afternoon,” Blaine responds. “We nah-need to stop making each other sss-sss-sad.”

“Ok. I resolve to stop being sad,” Kurt affirms with a definitive head bob.

“Excellent. Moving on. I-I-I-I know the chords to mah-mah-most of Alanis’s So-Called Chaos album already,” Blaine states.

“Fuck dude, why?” Puck asks.

“Be-be-be-cause the lyrics of Not All Me spoke dddd-deeply to mmm-my thirteen year old self,” Blaine responds seriously.

The conversation swirls around from there, everyone teasing and chatting and generally being silly.

There’s a lull and Kurt offers “So did you guys hear that Blaine’s going to grow a beard while I’m away?”

“That is fucking awesome,” Puck replies.

“I should grow a beard. Shit! We should all grow beards!” Matt blurts out. “And our cover band could be called ‘Cross-Eyed Beards.’”

“NO!” Puck and Blaine yell in unison.

The subject is dropped quickly.

~~~~~

“What you want to do about saying goodbye?” Kurt asks Blaine while they’re eating dinner four days before Kurt’s departure.

“I-I-I-I didn’t know there www-were options,” Blaine responds.

“I’ve considered various scenarios. We could say goodbye at the airport, we could say goodbye here, we could say goodbye on the street as you help me put my luggage in a taxi.”

“I-I-I figured I’d go www-with you to the airport. At least to help you get all your ss-stuh-stuff there.”

“You don’t really have to. That’s why they have all those dudes and luggage carts hanging around outside. It’s not like you could get through security and keep me company while I wait or anything.”

“True.” Blaine bites his lip. “So ww-what you want to dah-do?”

Now it’s Kurt’s turn to bite his lip. “I want to come up with a way to say goodbye to you that would limit unwanted public weeping and sobbing and wailing.”

“So, www-www-we could ss-say goodbye from here?”

“Yeah, I think that works.” 

“I probably ww-wah-won’t be able to like, talk rr-really, anyway.”

“That’s ok, it seems like I’m getting pretty good at reading your mind lately.”

Blaine side-eyes Kurt.

“Like right now you were just thinking ‘There’s no way he knows what I’m thinking.’”

“Well, that ww-wah-was an easy one. What am I-I-I thinking nah-now?”

Kurt looks over at Blaine, who has on the world’s finest poker face. 

“You’re thinking about how hot I am.”

“No, I’m not,” Blaine argues.

“Well, you should be.”

Blaine laughs. “We can dah-do this. 132 days.You’ll be, be, be home in time for mm-my bbb-birthday.”

Kurt nods. “I wouldn’t miss it. 132 days. I guess that means you’re not coming to visit for spring break.”

“We’ve bb-bah-been over this,” Blaine says. “You wah-want to go on that Italy trip and it’s only for pppp-people in your program and it would be, be, be dah-dumb for you to ssss-kip it.”

Kurt takes Blaine’s hand across the kitchen island and kisses his palm. “I really do love you, you know.”

“I love you, too. And I dah-don’t want you to mm-mmm-mah-miss out on something you obviously ww-want to do just to hang out with me.” Blaine grins and offers shyly, “Maybe... you and I-I-I-I can go to Paris together, ssss-someday.”

“Yes. Let’s do that.”

~~~~~

January 16th  
@ 5:38 pm  
Blaine: Meet me at open mic night tonight? Please?

5:40 pm  
Kurt: What do you have planned Blaine?????

5:42 pm  
Blaine: I don’t know what you’re talking about.  
Blaine: Will you come?

5:45 pm  
Kurt: Of course. :)

~~~~~

Rachel and Kerry saved a seat for Kurt at their little table. Matt and Blaine had started tuning up when he arrived and now they’re about to start their set. Matt does the quick introductions as usual, but unlike the old days Blaine actually keeps his head up and smiles at the crowd.

They head into their standard set, playing three songs that Kurt has heard at least a dozen times, but somehow never get old because Matt and Blaine are always switching lyrics and changing chords. As they finish a song, Matt glances over to Blaine who blushes, but takes a deep breath as he steps up to the microphone. Matt hops off the stage and takes the seat next to Kerry. Kurt shoots him a glance and Matt shrugs. Kurt looks back up at Blaine, alone on the stage, much like he was that night back in September.

“So, um, you www-www-were rr-rr-rr-right,” Blaine announces looking at Kurt, his voice is firm, but he’s blinking rapidly and Kurt can see the slight shake in his hands. “I’ve bb-bb-buh-been planning sss-sss-something.” He looks at the assembled crowd and says “These ssssss-songs are for for for for Kurt. Um, there’s a theme.”

Blaine starts in a on a surprisingly familiar tune, though not one often heard on acoustic guitar. Blaine sings out the chorus:

I just called to say I love you  
I just called to say how much I care  
I just called to say I love you  
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

He moves onto a Blue October song, Calling You.

I will keep calling you to see  
if you’re sleeping, are you dreaming  
if you’re dreaming, are you dreaming of me?  
I can’t believe you actually picked me

And then a song that’s so damn kitschy only Blaine could ever get away with playing it. And only Kurt could ever get away with tearing up a bit as his painfully shy and phone phobic boyfriend sings “Call Me Maybe” in front of a crowd.

Before you came into my life  
I missed you so bad  
And you should know that

So call me, maybe?

Blaine strums the last chord and puts his guitar down. He grins at Kurt bashfully as he walks over to the table where everyone’s sitting. Kurt swipes the tears out of his eyes and hopes no one notices. Blaine shoves his hand in his pocket and Kurt stands up.

Blaine produces an international calling card and hands it to Kurt.

“There was definitely a theme there, Blaine,” Kurt agrees with a smile.

Blaine smiles back, but doesn’t quite hold Kurt’s gaze. “So, um. We should talk on the, on the, on the phone, www-while you’re away. May-may-may-be not every dah-day or anything, like a few times a mmmm-mmm-month, at least. And I-I-I’m … wah-working on it.”

“I know you are,” Kurt whispers as he hugs Blaine tightly.

~~~~~

The day of their inevitable goodbye arrives. The boys are both quiet, the air in the room thick with emotion. They’ve spent most of the last 24 hours packing up Kurt’s room, making space for Tina’s stuff. She’ll be arriving a couple hours after Kurt leaves and the room is finally ready. 

Kurt has a cab scheduled to pick him at noon. He said goodbye to Matt and Kerry the night before, but Puck and Rachel are around the apartment that morning. 

About five minutes to twelve, Blaine and Kurt go into Kurt’s room. They hug for a minute, Blaine sliding his hands into Kurt’s back pockets the way he does when he wants to make Kurt laugh. Today it makes Kurt sigh into his ear.

There really aren’t any important words for them to say. Over the course of their relationship they’ve both learned what needs to be spoken and what doesn’t. 

They hold each other there in Kurt’s empty room. And then Blaine groans. “It’s time.”

Kurt holds up a finger and Blaine thinks he means one more minute. But then he holds up 3 fingers and then 2 fingers. 132 days. Blaine does the same gesture and they kiss, a bit tearfully, but neither one embarrassed.

“I love you,” Blaine breathes as they break apart.

“And I love you,” Kurt hums into Blaine’s ear.

They go out to the living room where Puck and Rachel are waiting. Everyone grabs a bag and they make their way down the stairs. 

“Good lord, stop acting like you’re all in mourning,” Kurt jokes as they exit the building.

“We’re just going to miss you,” Rachel whimpers with tears in her eyes.

The cab is waiting. So Puck and Blaine toss the bags into the trunk.

Kurt hugs Puck and then Rachel and then Blaine one more time.

“132 days, that’s not so long,” Kurt whispers.

Blaine gives him the old triple blink, head shake, lip twitch. They kiss one more time, before Kurt gets in the cab.

Then it’s Puck, Rachel and Blaine watching tail lights head down the street.

“Are you coming back upstairs for a while, Blaine?” Rachel asks.

“Oh, uh, I-I-I guess. I hadn’t re-re-really thought about what I-I-I ww-would do... after he left.” Blaine glances longingly down the street.

“Well, seeing as how he sent me out for a rotisserie chicken several hours ago and it now resides in our fridge, I think Kurt assumed you’d come hang out for a bit.” Rachel says as threads her arm through Blaine’s, tugging him back into the building. 

They go up the stairs in silence and sit down at the kitchen island. Rachel brings out the container and places it in front Blaine.

“It ssss-seems kind of unfair that I-I-I have you guys and Kurt has to be-be-be all alone,” Blaine sniffles.

“I know,” Rachel soothes as she rubs Blaine’s back. “Here have some chicken.”

Puck puts a hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “We could get drunk and go get in fight?”

Blaine is almost sad enough to consider this an option.

~~~~~

January 17th   
@ 1:23 pm  
Blaine: Thanks for the chicken.  
Blaine: Be sure to check your back pocket for something I put in there earlier.

1:25 pm  
Kurt: Anytime. And I already found the note, but I’m saving it for the plane.  
Kurt: Be sure to check my dresser, I left something for you there.

1:27 pm  
Blaine: I’m going to save your note for when I’m alone, weeping on my bed.  
Blaine: Sniffling in your kitchen font.

1:29 pm  
Kurt: Blubbering at the airport font.

1:31 pm  
Blaine: Here’s something to make you happy  
Blaine: onomatopoetically.  
Blaine: It’s nine syllables. 

1:34 pm  
Kurt: Thank you poophead.  
Kurt: I feel better already.  
Kurt: I have to turn off my phone soon.  
Kurt: Love you. Miss you already.

1:38 pm  
Blaine: Love you too, miss you more.  
Blaine: because it’s a competition.

~~~~~

Blaine gets back to his room and Matt and Kerry are waiting there with a red velvet cupcake and a container of milk.

“Kurt told us that you would need a cupcake, some milk and a hug,” Kerry says as she embraces Blaine. Blaine takes a moment to look at Kerry as though he’s never seen her before. She’s tiny with red hair and freckles and pretty much the perfect height for hugging.

“You are a, a, a, very good hugger, Kerry. I-I-I-I’m enjoying the beh-beh-benefits of, of, of this friendship already,” Blaine concedes. 

“I knew you would. I have very good references,” Kerry grins.

“Aw, this is so cute,” Matt croons as he wraps his arms around both of them.

When they break apart from the hug, Blaine does feel a little bit better.

“So, classes start tomorrow,” Matt points out sourly. “We’re going to buy books. Wanna come?”

“Nah. I-I-I have to rr-rr-re-re-read my letter and eat mm-my cupcake and cry,” Blaine responds nonchalantly. 

“We’ll come back and hug you when you’re done,” Kerry promises.

They walk out the door. Blaine takes a bite of his cupcake and sighs. This is a sucky day, a supremely sucky day. But he has all of these... people, these friends that he could have never fathomed having. And he has a boyfriend who he won’t see for 132 days, but he cares enough to leave a trail of chicken and cupcakes and what Blaine assumes is a heartfelt letter in his wake. 

Blaine is happy. He’s just so... fucking happy, even if he’s sad right now. He smiles even through his tears, all by himself.

And he opens Kurt’s letter.

~~~~~

Blaine-

I thought about writing you a romantic and wonderful and perfect letter, something for you to read while I’m away and that would remind you how loved you are. When I realized that it would never be even half as good as the letter you wrote me all those many months ago, I decided to try something different. (Did you know that letter writing is a competitive sport now? No, you didn’t know? Good thing I’m writing this letter to inform you.)

Instead of a perfect and beautiful love letter, I’ve made an alphabetical list of all the things that you are since I won’t be around to remind you everyday and I don’t want you to forget. I ended up having to use multiple words for almost every letter, quite frankly because I’m verbose and also because I love you so much I can’t shut up about you. Ever.

I may have used your best friend the thesaurus for a few of them. But I’m assuming you won’t mind. Feel free to be impressed. Should you need to look any of these words of up (even though you pretty much already know all of the words in the English language) be sure to assume that I mean the nicest, most positive definition. And not whatever weird secondary definition you make up in your head.

You are:  
Adored (amazing, affable, amusing, admirable)  
Blaine-ish (This is not cheating. You are the Blaine-iest Blaine who has ever Blained. You’re also bashful, brave, beautiful)  
Clever (cute, cheerful, compassionate, competitive)  
Delightful (dedicated, dazzling)  
Endearing (exceptional, eloquent, engaging, effervescent)  
Fascinating (fantastic, fundamental, friendly)  
Gorgeous (gentle, gifted)  
Happy (honest, humble, handsome)  
Incredible (intelligent, inspired)  
Jocular (jovial, jaunty)  
Kurt’s (kindhearted, kissable)  
Levelheaded (loved)  
Mine (miraculous, meritorious)  
Needed (necessary, noble)  
Outstanding (orgasmic, observant)  
Poophead (perceptive, pithy, patient, perfect, personable, pulchritudinous)  
Quirky (quintessential, quixotic)  
Ravishing (resilient, riveting, romantic)  
Sublime (squiriferous, sexy, superb, succulent)  
Talented (transcendent)  
Unforgettable (unique, undeniably bad at choosing a suitable haircut)  
Veritable (vital)  
Winsome (wanted, wonderful, witty, wry, wise, whimsical)  
Xanthan gum (cause it’s made out of fermented sugars. Cause you’re sweet. This one is a stretch. Sue me.)  
You (100% of the time)  
Zee most wonderful fella on earth. (see what I did there? Kind of French-ish.)

The last three are a stretch, but it’s late and I wanted you to laugh.

I look forward to your inevitable email detailing exactly why I’m wrong about several of these words and then I’ll respond with why I’m right.

I miss you.

I love you.

I’ll see you in 132 days.

Always- Kurt

~~~~~

132 days later

Kurt walks through JFK airport in a bit of a daze. He knows he needs to get himself to baggage claim, but he feels like his flight took forever. He would willingly put his carry-on bag on the ground to use it as a pillow and take a nap right here. Then he actually looks at the floor and decides better of that idea.

He's calculating the amount of time from where he is right this second, to his bed. His bed. He knows Tina found a new apartment already, so it's his bed again. He thinks he should be there in about 2 hours from now, (counting however long it takes to get his bags, hail a cab, sit in traffic...) but he really doesn't want to get his hopes up.

All that is erased from his mind, when the crowd parts and he sees a man.

A smiling man, with twinkling eyes, a scruffy (though somewhat sexy) beard, too long hair and a hand lettered sign that reads "Poophead missed you."

Nothing else really matters.


End file.
